You Need Me
by NoCapeNoCrown
Summary: Proving to Olivia that she needs someone has always been the hardest part. Alex proves that someone is her. O/B 1st Ch. , O/A.
1. Chapter 1

"**Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.**" - Edgar Allan Poe

This had happened before.

Though he wasn't the same man, and she wasn't the same woman.

This had happened before, but their lives had changed so much since then.

They had grown older, been beaten down and beaten up. They had learned to be tougher…

But being there together, maybe they hadn't become smarter.

"God, you're amazing, Olivia you feel so amazing… Fuck!" Brian said as his hands gripped her ass as he pushed further inside of her.

Her breaths short, and her vocals let him know she was right there with him.

She was more voluptuous than she was before, and the way she moved her body was much more confident, and much more animalistic. She had lost her hesitancy and her tendencies to over think, or at least over think when she was bed with Brian Cassidy.

He was stronger, harder, more in control.

Hasty sex more than a decade ago was now more hungry and purposeful.

Lust becomes need when this much time passes.

He wasn't the same man and she wasn't the same woman.

His thumb slid across her clit as he continued to fuck her.

"Come with me Olivia, I'm so close, come with me." He said almost pleading.

Olivia gripped his broad shoulders, trying to brace herself before she lost control.

Brian slowed, locking eyes with Olivia, he ran his fingers back and forth methodically over her clit, bring her to the edge with him.

Her back arched, and the words escaped her, "fuck, oh please, fuck."

Hungry.

Purposeful.

Brian pushed inside her a few more times before his body convulsed inside of her.

Their bodies crashed together, both trying to catch their next breath.

Brian rolled over beside Olivia.

"I've missed you" he said a smug grin appearing on his face.

"I'm sure you have." Olivia said now giving Brian her own smug grin.

That made him laugh.

He had missed her.

Everything about her.

Brian kissed her shoulder and noticed the chills bumps splayed down her arms.

He set up searching for the discarded sheet.

He found it puddled at the bottom of the bed and pulled it over he and Olivia, but not before making sure she saw him take her body in one more time before he covered her.

"You're beautiful."

"Cassidy." She protested.

"And you still can't take a compliment."

She shook her head, blushing, giving a slight smile.

Brian reached for her pulling her against him and Olivia snaked her arms across his chest, letting him wrap his arms around her.

"You'll stay the night?"

It was a question.

Maybe she wasn't the same woman.

The one that wanted to run.

The one that hoped the phone would ring and her job would take her away from anything that might be deeper or go further…

She was lying there in Brian Cassidy's arms and it was ok.

She let it be ok.

Olivia shook her head agreeing.

She would stay the night.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

**"What I'd give to bring you flowers. What I'd give to get you alone. What I'd give to bring a smile across your face. What I'd give to take you home." - "What I'd Give"/Sugarland**

"So that's how you're getting over David?" Alex asked, taking another sip from her glass of wine. "You're sleeping with Cassidy."

"I'm not sleeping with Cassidy!" Olivia quickly protested.

"Liv, the way he was looking at you at the precinct today, you two are obviously…"

"Ok, but I only slept with him once! That's not sleeping with." Olivia said sitting down on the opposite end of the couch, with her own glass of wine.

"Actually, that makes at least twice you've slept with him." Alex said giving her best friend a snarky grin.

"It was just… just sex."

Just sex.

Alex knew Olivia's sexual past was much more colorful that hers. They had several nights of alcohol-induced conversations, where Olivia admitted some of her sexual encounters.

And though at this point in Alex's life she was no rookie, Olivia confessed to things that made Alex blush.

Things that Alex found her self later thinking about.

Things like when Olivia told her about being with another woman.

Alex had since caught her self in a moment of pleasuring herself wanting to be that other woman.

But Alex justified her thoughts.

Why wouldn't you be attracted to Olivia?

She was beautiful, her olive skin, her dark eyes, the insane curves of her body… She was smart and funny, she was Olivia.

"Alex?" Olivia said snapping her back.

"Oh, oh sorry."

"Where did you go just now?" Olivia said looking at her, puzzled.

"Nowhere I just…" Alex looked over at Olivia's encouraging eyes and Alex grinned.

"What?"

"I think that I might be a little envious of you and you sexual prowess." She admitted.

"I don't think one night stands are anything to be envious of."

"I think I just like that you just go for what you want."

"Ha. Is that it?"

"I'm serious Liv, I think I spend so much time pining over someone when I wish I could just get what I want. And if it's just sex, then its just sex..."

"Alexandra Cabot are you harboring some sexual fantasies that you aren't sharing with me?" Olivia said grinning widely.

Alex blushed

She definitely wasn't sharing.

"Alex." Olivia said now looking at her more serious. "I end up in bed with these people because I'm looking for what everyone is looking for. I just want someone to hold me at the end of the night, someone that might say they love me. Someone that makes me feel… Sleeping with Cassidy, my relationship with David. Deep down I wanted the same thing. And none of them have worked out yet."

"But you know…"

"Know what?" Olivia said taking a look at their empty glasses. She stood from the couch making her way to the kitchen to retrieve the opened bottle of wine.

"You know the results. You took the chance and even though it didn't work out, you know."

Olivia now stood in front of Alex refilling her glass and then she refilled her own.

She sat down the empty wine bottle on the coffee table and this time she sat a little closer to Alex on the couch.

Alex looked down at Olivia's bare feet to her perfectly painted toes. Alex tried not to smile as she thought how Olivia was always so full of surprises under her tough exterior.

Little surprises.

Little red toes.

"Maybe… I mean when you put it that way. I guess there is something about knowing, but it doesn't make it any less lonely when it doesn't work out, I guess when it is, just sex."

Alex took another sip of wine and then placed her glass on the coffee table.

Olivia could tell she was thinking.

"Ok fess up Alex." Olivia said sitting her glass down beside Alex's.

"Confess to what?"

"This little fantasy you've got going on in that big brain of yours."

Alex looked at Olivia

"It's nothing." Alex said trying to figure out a way to get off this subject.

It had gone too far.

"Oh it's something. Spill it Alex!"

Alex leaned over taking another drink of liquid courage. "I don't want it to be about just sex."

"Ok?"

"I mean I think about it being about sex of course, but I want it to be more… I guess, like you said, I want to be held," Alex said closing her eyes. "When sex is over, I want to be the one holding her."

Olivia mouth parted, unsure of what to say.

Alexandra Cabot's love life just got more interesting.

"Her?"

Alex's cheeks where bright red against her pale, silky skin.

"I didn't' know…" Olivia stopped collecting herself. "Does she have any idea how you might feel?

Olivia decided to let Alex confess who this woman was. Alex could tell her, her name if she wanted.

"No… no she doesn't."

Obviously she didn't.

"What do you think her reaction would be if you told her?"

"What am I supposed to say I've been thinking about getting in to your pants!"

Olivia's burst of laughter lightened the mood.

"You could, or maybe you could just see if there was a possibility she might feel the same."

"She doesn't. I mean we're close. We're really good friends and there have been moments when I thought she might feel a little spark between us too but…"

"But what?" Olivia asked overly interested.

"She's, she's beautiful. And she gets attention from men and women. She's just that kind of woman. That kind of beauty inside and out, the kind people find irresistible."

"Irresistible huh? I would definitely go for it."

"What?" Alex said looking at Olivia almost horrified.

"You just said to me you wanted to know what it's like, that you don't want to keep pining over someone, when its what you want. Go for it. She either reciprocates or shut you down."

"That's just it what if she shut me down? What if she doesn't want…"

"Alex! Then you know. You said it's better to know. Ask her out and go from there."

Olivia watched Alex bite at her bottom lip.

"Alex you are stunning, and you're sexy, especially in those black rimmed glasses." Olivia said grinning. "Don't doubt yourself! Just go for it!

Alex took a deep breath in and picked her wine glass up again.

"You're right. I have to go after what I want."

"Why not! Just ask her out."

"Yeah, why not." Alex said with a shy grin as sank back down in to plush pillows beside Olivia.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you all so much for your replies and compliments!

Ch. 3

"**I would be lying if I said there were not times that I am an earthquake contained inside this skin." - TK Gregson**

Flowers, he fucking sent her flowers.

What happened to just sex?

And arrogant asses didn't send flowers.

The hypnotic curse of Olivia Benson.

Alex took a deep breath in as she took in the site flowers sitting on Olivia's desk.

They weren't her.

She would never send Olivia roses.

Olivia was too unique, too beautiful for something as common as roses.

You could send anyone roses.

"Alex?"

Alex turned to see Amaro standing behind her.

"I think you were right about Carter's timeline. It doesn't add up. See if this helps…" he said handing her the file folder.

"Thanks, at this point I think I'm grasping at straws." She said tucking the file in to her briefcase.

"You'll get em' Alex." Nick said, flashing his handsome smile before he walked away.

Alex walked to Olivia's desk sitting on it's edge making sure her long legs were the first thing in Olivia's line of vision.

"Hey you."

"Hey" Olivia said looking up, smiling.

Her eyes traced Alex's legs.

Mission accomplished, whether Olivia knew it or not.

"You get what you needed from Amaro?"

"Yeah I think it will help."

"You slammed?"

"Yeah, been a rough week." Olivia said wearily as she leaned back in her chair.

Alex took in the site of her.

Her silky hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, her breast tastefully peaked from her thin sweater.

"He sent you flowers?"

"Ridiculous." Olivia said shaking her head.

"Well it is nice to get flowers." Alex said trying to sound nonchalant instead of jealous.

"It brightens up this place, but I kind of hate roses and I don't know..."

"And they're from Cassidy?" Alex asked reaching.

Olivia looked Alex giving an all-knowing grin.

"He shouldn't have sent me flowers. It was just sex." Olivia said lowering her voice.

"So you are that good?" Alex teased, wide eyed.

"Heh, yeah maybe I am."

Alex bet she was.

"So I was thinking about trying out this recipe for lasagna I found. Want to come over Saturday and I'll make dinner?"

Where did she come up with lasagna?

Alex made a note to self to find a recipe to make lasagna.

"And you can use it as an excuse in case some one is looking for a booty call." Alex said amusing herself.

"A booty call? Really Alexandra, really?"

God she loved when she used her full name.

"And you are no one's excuse. I would love to come over for dinner. I will of course bring the wine. I like you a bit under the influence, you start confessing intriguing things!" Olivia said her eyes beaming.

She would be confessing all right.

Alex couldn't help but grin, Olivia's rarely seen smile was contagious.

Alex knew why Cassidy sent her flowers.

Olivia was the woman you wanted to win in the end.

"My apartment, 7ish?"

"I'm there."

"Perfect" Alex said gathering her things.

"Oh and Alex…"

"Yeah"

Olivia paused.

"What?" Alex asked puzzled.

"Nothing, I just like a woman who goes after what she wants."

Alex had stopped breathing.

Olivia gave her a sly grin before turning back to her paperwork.


	4. Chapter 4

First I want to thank everyone for the reviews and for the follows. I really appreciate you sticking with me! You all are so nice and encouraging!

I started writing with no intentions of getting you another chapter tonight and well I didn't stop writing until it was done. I guess when you got the mojo you go with it!

This chapter is considerably longer than the last so hopefully it will hold you as I am going out of town and I'm not sure if I will have time to write and if I will have Internet access. But I'll be back next week!

Hold on tight, here we go! ;)

Ch. 4

"**Don't say a word just come over and lie here with to me, cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see." – "Edge of Desire/ J. Mayer**

"Ms. Benson?" Olivia nodded to Henry, the doorman at the sound of her name. "Ms. Cabot said to expect your arrival this evening. Let me get the elevator for you," he said pleasantly.

This wasn't the first time Olivia had been in Alex's apartment. She had actually been there enough that Henry recognized who she was.

But Olivia always felt a bit different when she stepped off the Manhattan streets in to Alex's Upper East Side building. It wasn't over the top, but it was certainly different than Olivia's 3rd floor walk up.

She knew Alex came from money, though Alex never flaunted it.

But it was always apparent that she was Ivy League.

A Harvard grad, a closet full of expensive suits... She was cashmere, and Luis Vuitton…

She was incredibly smart and so elegant, and tall, and thin, and blonde and sex…

Olivia caught her self as the elevator door opened; she walked the few steps to Alex's door.

As daring as Alex thought Olivia was, Olivia couldn't help but feel nervous standing outside of Alex's door.

Olivia had always felt some sort of attraction to Alex.

She knew they had good chemistry they worked well together.

They had become great friends, best friends.

Much like she and Elliot.

But contrary to Alex thinking Olivia always got what she wanted, Olivia never knew what it was like to have Elliot, or to have Alex.

Olivia had left any spark of sexual feelings she had for either one of them alone.

Off limits.

But the last few days Olivia couldn't help but feel the electric charge buzzing between she and Alex.

Her knuckles lightly hit against the door and it only took seconds for Alex to answer.

A white button up, comfy jeans, bare feet… black rimmed glasses.

Shit.

She was stunning.

She was sexy.

"Liv. Come in, I think I've just about have this lasagna ready for the oven."

Olivia stepped inside comfortably discarding her flats, leaving her with matching bare feet.

"You look great." Alex said obviously looking her over before returning to the kitchen.

Olivia too had chosen jeans. Her favorite skinny jeans, a delicate blue tank and a black cardigan.

Olivia had a style Alex always admired. Olivia didn't have the luxury of being dressed so feminine for her male dominated, pervert filled job. So the chance to see Olivia in form fitting dress and heels or in jeans and revealing top was always a pleasure... she knew how to make the simplest things look great.

And her body didn't hurt making things look great.

"Why would you ever want to come over to my apartment when we could have drinks here?" Olivia said now opening the wine she had brought. I always forget how much I love your apartment."

Alex smiled

"I like your apartment."

"I like my apartment too, but Alex this place is amazing. Its twice the size of mine and the doorman and the…"

"Yeah, but your apartment, it feels warm and cozy."

Olivia rolled her eyes looking at Alex as if she were crazy to prefer her apartment to her own.

Olivia poured she and Alex a glass of wine.

"Ok I think we're ready for the oven." Alex said stepping back, taking inventory.

Olivia stood beside Alex peering over the masterpiece.

"I have to admit this looks pretty amazing!"

"Were you doubting my cooking skills Ms. Benson?"

"I knew you could cook, I just didn't know you could cook like this!" Olivia said brushing her shoulder.

"Honestly, I like the challenge. And the perfectionist in me has to get it right!"

"You a perfectionist?" Olivia joked. "Well as you know I too am a perfectionist only at ordering takeout so we're perfect for each other." Olivia said laughing, not realizing what she had just said.

Perfect for each another.

"I should get this in the oven, that glass of wine is calling my name." Alex said collecting her thoughts.

"I'll get the lasagna, you open the oven door?" Olivia offered.

Alex opened the oven door and Olivia slid the lasagna in. Alex sat the timer and then took the waiting wine glass from Olivia.

"Oh you have to taste the sauce, it's so good!"

Olivia grinned at Alex's excitement.

Alex held up the spoon from the left over sauce to Olivia's lips. She watched as her lips parted taking in the taste of the sauce.

Fuck

Olivia grabbed Alex's hand squeezing it. "So good!"

Alex looked down at Olivia touching her.

She had touched her a million times before.

Live wire.

"I have to say I feel pretty accomplished," Alex said making conversation as she released her hand from Olivia's.

"Um, you should definitely feel accomplished. I can't wait to taste!"

Olivia stop saying things like that.

"You wanna sit?" Alex said not waiting for an answer before she made her way to the couch.

Olivia didn't answer only followed Alex to the couch.

Alex watched as Olivia sat down beside her, admiring how her tank clung to her body, against her breasts.

"A toast?" Olivia said holding up her glass. "To a wonderful evening, great food and great company."

Alex clinked her glass against Olivia's never taking her eyes away as the glass of deep red liquid met Olivia's lips.

"Should we talk?" Olivia said watching Alex.

"Sure what do you want to talk about?" Alex asked innocently.

Olivia sat down her wine glass and Alex followed setting hers down.

"So we're just going to dance around it?"

Deep breath in.

"You figured it out."

"Well I am a detective."

"That you are." Alex said amused.

"Alex its ok."

Alex cringed.

"Oh God no, now it's awkward. You know, and now I've made it awkward and I knew this wasn't worth loosing you or..."

Olivia leaned in, her lips suddenly pressing perfectly in to Alex's, and then dragging her bottom lip a bit before she released and pulled away.

Olivia grinned looking at Alex's stunned face.

"You kissed me."

"I kissed you."

"Why did you kiss me?"

"Because I wanted to. Didn't you want to kiss me?"

Alex opened her mouth to speak, but she was still shocked Olivia had actually kissed her.

Suddenly Alex grinned. "Yeah I wanted to kiss you. I've wanted to kiss you for what feels like forever."

Olivia reached out pulling Alex's glasses gently from her face, placing her them on the coffee table.

"Then I think you should kiss me again."

Jesus.

Alex didn't hesitate capturing Olivia's pouty lips against hers.

Alex slid her fingers through Olivia's silky hair, pushing her closer to her, her tongue deeper in to Olivia's mouth.

Olivia reciprocated relaxing back against the arm of the couch so Alex could leverage herself on top of Olivia to kiss her more deeply.

Alex hovered over Olivia and watched the peeks of her breast rise and fall as they both tried to catch their breath.

"There's no going back." Alex said cautiously.

Olivia reached up capturing Alex's lips, pulling her down on top of her.

"I don't want to go back." Olivia whispered against the lobe of Alex's ear.

"Olivia I won't be able to stop. Not now, not ever again. I want you so bad."

Olivia looked deep in to Alex's blue eyes.

"Don't stop." She said adamantly

Holy fuck.

Alex's lips crashed once again on to Olivia's but this time her hands began to explore the body below her.

Finally

Finally Alex was touching her.

"God I want to touch you. You're what I want." Alex said desperately.

"You can have what you want." Olivia said pulling her sweater from her own shoulders.

Her soft olive skin, her shoulders freckled by the sun contrasted against Alex's pale, silky skin.

Alexis ran her hands up Olivia's torso and cupped her breasts through her tank as they both kissed each other vigorously.

Olivia was so wet; she was so turned on by this blonde straddling her.

Olivia reached under Alexis's shirt taking the silkiness of her bra in her hands, That only egged Alex on, then pushing Olivia's tank over head.

Alex looked at Olivia's breasts spilling over the violet lace.

"You're so beautiful. You're more beautiful than I ever have imagined." Alex said before her tongue traced the valley between Olivia's breasts.

Olivia's head arched back, chills running down her skin.

Olivia reached for the button on Alex's jeans.

No going back.

Alexandra Cabot was finding out what it was like to have Olivia Benson.

She would know.

They kissed once again taking in each other's tongues, tugging at each other's lips, hands roaming…

Olivia slid the zipper down on Alex's jeans revealing the silk black panties.

Before she could push Alex's jeans down her hips the timer for the lasagna blared through the apartment.

Both started, both looking at each other's heaving bodies.

Startled back to reality.

"Shit!" Alex said, quietly annoyed.

Olivia grinned, then laughed.

Rarely did she hear those words coming from Alexandra Cabot's mouth.

She liked her sexed up.

Alex began to get up, and Olivia stood on her knees on the couch capturing her for one more assuring kiss.

"Liv, I have no plans to put out any fires tonight" Alex said pulling away, and giving Olivia a quick grin before returning to the kitchen.

Olivia sat there for a moment collecting her self and realizing she was sitting there in her bra and jeans.

She found her tank discarded on the floor.

Olivia made her way to the kitchen putting her tank back on.

"Is it ready?" Olivia asked thoughtfully, now standing behind Alex.

Alex was so wet between her legs she could barely concentrate.

"Yeah I think it is."

Olivia pressed herself in to Alex's backside.

"It s smells amazing." She said now tucking her lips in to Alex's neck.

"Mmmhmm" was all Alex could muster.

"Should we let it cool off a bit?"

"No" Alex said quickly. "I mean yes, yes we should let the lasagna cool off."

Olivia grinned at how addled Alex was.

"You know I've thought about what you'd be like in bed." Olivia said, her lips pressing in to Alex's neck.

"You have?" Alex asked intrigued. "And?"

"And I thought you might be a little conservative, but I could be wrong."

Alex turned, raising her brow to Olivia as she snaked her hands back under Olivia's tank.

"Maybe a little conservative in some respects, but with you I don't plan on conserving anything."

"You are so fucking hot," Olivia growled.

"Come let me show you how hot you make me." Alex said with her hands already at the button of Olivia's jeans.

Olivia followed Alex hand in hand in to her bedroom.

Alex pushed Olivia's wavy dark hair to the side and kissed behind her ear and down her neck.

Alex grinned.

"Let's try this again," Alex said reaching to get rid once again that damn tank covering Olivia's body.

Alex's hands once again went directly to Olivia's voluptuous breasts.

Alex placed soft kisses to Olivia's bare shoulders.

If Olivia would have know this is how Alex's lips felt on her skin she would have given in, broken her "off limits" rule a long time ago.

God help her.

Olivia reached for the first unopened button on Alex's shirt.

1, 2, 3, 4 buttons undone.

She pushed the shirt off of Alex's shoulders and then it was her turn to taste newly revealed skin.

Olivia then slid her hand in to the waste of Alex's jeans and settled on her hands on her hips just for a moment before pushing her jeans to the floor where Alex could step out of them.

Olivia's had reached quickly to feel the damp silk between Alex's legs.

No surprises

Only a sly grin.

Alex let out a pouting breath.

She reached for the waste of Olivia's jeans pushing them past her hips and down her thighs…. She pushed Olivia against the plush duvet.

"Really Olivia, skinny jeans?" Alex said seductively as she expertly tugged at the ankles of the jeans.

Olivia chuckled.

"They make your ass look amazing and I want to devour your thighs after seeing you in them, but I hate clothes that take that much effort to get you naked."

"You sound like man." Olivia teased.

"Well now I know how a man feels."

Olivia laughed again as Alex crawled on top of her seductively.

Alex kissed Olivia starting at her lower abdomen and drug her tongue in a straight line up her stomach.

Olivia buried her hands in the long blonde strands of hair as she wreathed under Alex.

Olivia's lips found Alex's once again and they kissed this time more urgently.

"I want you naked. I want to see you and taste every ounce of you naked." Alex said reaching for the clasp of Olivia's bra.

Before she could unhook Olivia's bra a muzzled ringing came from the floor.

"FUCK!" Olivia said squeezing her eyes closed.

"No!" Alex said reacting knowing exactly what that was.

"I have to I'm on call."

Alex frustrated, lifted off of Olivia and did the searching for the discarded phone.

She handed it to Olivia on its last ring.

"Benson."

Alex watched as Olivia tried to listen intently to what she was being told.

Olivia fell back on to the mattress.

"I have to go."

Disappointed.

"I guess it goes with the territory of trying to have sex with a crime fighter."

"It sounded like I'll be gone the rest of the night."

Alex shook her head understanding.

Olivia got up grabbing her jeans and took one last look at the porcelain body lying in front of her.

"I'll be right back," Olivia said making her way to the bathroom.

When Olivia returned Alex had slipped on her robe. She was holding the white shirt she had on.

"Your tank has been stretched beyond recognition. Trade?" Alex said offering her the button down.

Olivia took it in her hand and kissed Alex once again.

"Thank you."

She slid the shirt on and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Do I have disheveled written all over me?"

Alex grinned.

"You have sex written all over you, but that's nothing new to anyone."

"God Alex," Olivia said trying to contain herself.

Olivia slipped her phone back in to her back pocket.

Olivia then leaned in to kiss Alex again this time she was the one pushing her against the comforter.

"You stay" Olivia said reaching for Alex's hand.

Olivia then slipped two of Alex's fingers inside her mouth and then placed them at Alex's core.

"You'll have to finish the job for me tonight, but you can be thinking about what I'll being to you tomorrow."

Alex could have come right then.

Olivia pressed Alex's fingers in to the silk with the palm of her hand.

"I'll lock the door behind me."


	5. Chapter 5

Urgh please forgive me for all the typos in the last chapter! I'll try and not have so many in this one!

Again, thank you sincerely for the follows and the great reviews! You guys are the best and keep me motivated!

Ch. 5

"**When the evening shadows and the stars appear**

**And there is no one there to dry your tears**

**I could hold you for a million years**

**To make you feel my love"– B. Dylan**

That morning Alex had slept in.

She rolled over looking at the clock stunned that she had slept that late.

It had seemed like years since her internal clock didn't wake at 6AM thinking about everything that needed to be done, everything that needed her focus.

Alex grinned to her self, remembering that she was up half the night thinking about Olivia.

She wasn't stressed or hurried.

She stretched, her arms elongated… she took a deep breath in and out.

Happy.

She felt happy.

The only thing that would have made her happier was to wake up beside the ridiculously beautiful Olivia Benson.

But she understood.

She understood it came with the job.

And there were many nights that Alex spent in her office, or pacing the hardwoods of her apartment going over her closing arguments.

She understood.

Alex decided she would get up, shower and try and make use of her Sunday before she would see Olivia again.

Alex stood, her bare feet padded against the floor.

She reached down grabbing her own bra and panties from the floor. She then spotted the pale blue tank in a puddle at the end of the bed.

Alex lifted the tank from the floor and pressed the material to her nose breathing in the light sent of perfume and the perfect reminder of Olivia.

She grinned again before throwing their clothes in to the hamper and making her way in to the shower.

She was happy.

Alex showered and dressed and made her way to the kitchen for much needed coffee.

Walking to the kitchen it had dawned on her that she had left the lasagna from the night before on the counter and didn't put it away.

All that work and not one bite.

Alex walked in to the kitchen noticing the lasagna was gone and there was a note in it's place.

_My beautiful Alex, _

_I hope you slept well. It has only been minutes since I left you and I am already missing your mouth on my skin. Know that every moment that I am away from you, I will be wishing I was with you. _

_Love, Liv_

_P.S. Lasagna's in the fridge. _

Alex smiled.

She squealed

Yes Alex Cabot stood in her kitchen and let out a tiny squeal like a teenage girl.

She was taken by Olivia Benson more than she had ever planned.

Having a late start, the afternoon went fairly quickly.

Alex had decided to run a few errands, pick up Olivia's favorite bottle of Cab and a little dessert from the bakery a few streets over.

She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that she hadn't heard from Olivia that afternoon.

She missed her, even the sound of her voice.

But Alex convinced her self that Olivia was busy, and she didn't have to call and check in with her.

By the time Alex got home from running errands it was already early evening.

She had barely gotten her key out of the door and her bags to the kitchen counter when her phone rang.

Alex excitedly searched through her purse in hopes it was Olivia.

Nick Amaro's name splashed across her screen.

Alex quickly had a moment of panic.

Why would Nick call her, something was wrong!

She took a split second to rationalize.

Of course Nick would call she was the ADA.

Shit. Something was wrong!

"Amaro?" Alex answered the phone with a puzzled and hurried tone.

"Alex, hey…. uh." Nick was being hesitant.

He was being weird! Why was he being weird?

"What is it?"

"Olivia, she uh she asked me to call you. She said you to had dinner plans this evening and she's in the hospital, here at Mt. Sinai… "

Panic justified.

"What happened? Is she ok?"

"She's ok, she'll be ok. The bastard we were looking for… it's a long story, but he got to Olivia. He assaulted her."

Assault?

"What do you mean he assaulted her?"

All Alex could think of was Harris, Sealview, the basement.

If Nick had known her would have never used that word.

"Alex, the guy beat her up pretty bad."

"Oh my God. I'm coming… I'll be there as soon as I can."

Alex hung up the phone before Nick could protest or give any more details.

For all Nick knew Alex was Olivia's best friend. He knew that they and know each other for over a decade, he knew they hung out outside of the precinct. He couldn't blame Alex for being upset after getting the news that her friend had just been beatin' to a bloody pulp. Besides Olivia didn't really have anyone. He was glad Alex cared for her.

Nick looked up to see the tall blonde rushing his way.

He couldn't help but notice that he had never had the chance to see her dressed so casually.

Her hair in a ponytail, her worn jeans, t-shirt... and a black cardigan.

HER black cardigan.

"Alex she's ok."

Nick had said that over and over already.

"It looks bad, but she's ok." He warned.

"How bad? You said she got beat up? How bad?"

Alex knew it wasn't the first time Olivia had been punched, or kicked, hell, shot at, but for Nick to stop her, to actually say, to warn her that she looked bad…

"Alex I know she's your best friend. I just want you to be prepared for how she looks..." Nick stopped himself.

He need not say anything else.

Alex blinked back tears as she felt a shiver ran up her spine.

She wouldn't fucking cry.

Nick walked her to the door of Olivia's room.

"Rollins is in there with her."

Alex nodded and braced her self before entering.

Amanda stood up from her chair greeting Alex.

"Oh my God" Alex whispered at first glimpse of a sleeping Olivia.

Her hand coving her mouth.

"He beat the shit out of her." Amanda said bluntly.

"Who was it?" Alex asked coldly

"His name is Sanders… Alex we got him. He's locked up."

"He just beat her up."

She still couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"We think he just went crazy and just started hitting her."

"His fist?"

"Yeah."

"Where were you? Where was Amaro?" Alex asked unintentionally accusing.

"Alex… we split up. He jumped her…." Amanda responded understanding Alex's reaction.

"Are you sure she's ok?" Alex asked now knowing why Nick was trying to assure her.

He was trying to assure himself.

"No internal bleeding, buts she's got bruised ribs, and a mild concussion. He knocked her unconscious, but she came to in the ambulance. The doctors have her on pain meds so she could get some sleep… Alex she's tough."

Alex shook her head.

She knew Olivia was tough.

But at that moment Olivia didn't look so tough.

Alex took inventory of Olivia's exposed skin.

Her busted cheek was red and swollen, her eyes were already multiple shades of black and blue. Her head had a taped up bloody wound. Her arms bruised and scraped…

"You can tell she put up a hell of a fight." Amanda said as she watched Alex look Olivia over.

Alex reached for Olivia's hand, trying not to disturb her.

Her hands… yes you could tell she put up a hell of a fight.

"I'll leave you two. Come and get me if you need me." Amanda said sensing Alex wanted time with Olivia.

"Liv, baby?" Alex whispered as soon as she heard the door close.

Alex leaned in kissing her lips softly.

Even her lip was busted.

Alex gently touched her swollen cheek.

A moment later Olivia began to stir, wincing the moment she moved.

"Alex?" Olivia said her voice hoarse.

"I'm here baby," Alex said brushing Olivia's hair back, trying to give her a smile.

"I'm ok" Olivia said opening her eyes seeing the horrified look on Alex's face.

"You're not ok." Alex said honestly.

"Thanks for the encouragement." Olivia said trying to crack a joke, and instead winced again.

"Are you in a lot of pain?"

Alex silently scolded her self for the obvious question.

"It hurts to breathe, but I'm fine." Olivia said giving Alex a tiny smirk.

"I'm sorry baby you're hurting."

Olivia tried to grin

"What?"

"Since when do you call me baby?"

Alex hadn't noticed she had.

"I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"I like that you call me that." Olivia said closing her sore, heavy eyes again.

"Good." Alex said gripping Olivia's hand a little tighter. "Do you remember what happened?"

Olivia swallowed hard.

"He snuck up behind me, grabbed me. The next thing I knew he was using me as his punching bag."

"Rollins said they have him in custody."

"Good, then I guess it was worth it." Olivia said almost self-deprecatingly.

"Liv he beat the hell out of you!" Alex protested.

"He raped a fourteen year old girl!" She rebutted

Cape Crusader.

Alex paused; then kissed the palm of Olivia's hand.

Alex wouldn't argue with her.

"As long as you're ok."

Olivia shook her head, "I'm ok."

Alex pulled away quickly at the sound of the door opening.

Olivia's doctor came in, her nurse following him.

"I'm Dr. Rankin," he said placing his hand out to Alex and then looking Olivia over.

"Feeling any better Detective?"

Olivia nodded yes, but obviously still in pain.

"Truthfully, as crazy as it sounds, you faired pretty well." The doctor said sympathetically. "And I know it hurts like hell, but for the beating you took, it's amazing you didn't have more drastic injuries." The doctor studied Olivia's chart once more. "We were going to discharge you," the doctor said looking at Olivia, "but I don't see that you have anyone listed that could take care of you?" He questioned. "It would be better if you didn't go home alone. I would prefer you stay here, have someone watch over you for at least the next 24 hours."

"I'll stay with her." Alex volunteered quickly.

"Oh" the doctor said looking at Olivia for approval. Alex smiled assuring Olivia. "Well that solves it. We can get you out of here then. I'll get you a prescription for a few pain pills, and you let me know if you see any changes in how tired she is, appétit, anything that seems unusual." The doctor said to Alex. "Just want to keep an eye on her."

Alex shook her head understanding.

"If you want to follow me out I'll get you those scripts while Katie helps Olivia get dressed. Then Olivia we'll get you outta here. Sound good?"

"Sounds good." Olivia said with a less than a little enthusiasm, though she was ready to get out of there.

Alex took another look to Olivia to assure her and then stepped out with the doctor.

She was only gone a few minutes when she returned to see Olivia sitting on the side of the bed in a pair of green scrubs.

"I ruined your shirt."

Alex looked at her puzzled.

Olivia held up the bag holding her clothes and the red blood stains showed through the clear plastic.

"It's ok."

"I'll get you a new shirt."

"I don't care about the shirt." Alex said kissing Olivia "I told the guys that you were being released and that I would be with you. I told them they all needed to get some sleep."

"Good." Olivia said as the nurse came in with a wheelchair.

"You ready to bust out of this joint?"

"Please!"

Alex offered her arm as Olivia's feet hit the floor.

She winced again as she stood up straight.

Alex and the nurse both helped Olivia in to the wheel chair.

As they reached the doors of the hospital, Alex walked ahead grabbing the waiting cab and helped Olivia into the car.

Alex recited her address to the driver before looking to Olivia.

Alex caught what she had done.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even ask. I'm sure you want to go home."

"No… I'm ok with, ok with going home with you."

Olivia looked at Alex as she felt the other woman's hand suddenly holding her own.

Olivia only smiled.

She couldn't help but smile.

"When did walking become such a chore?" Olivia said shrugging.

"When you got the crap beat out of you!"

"The driver was staring at me."

"He can mind his own business." Alex said putting her arm around Olivia's waist, giving her a bit more support.

"Ms. Cabot, Ms. Benson?" The doorman said looking shocked as he opened the door for them.

"Rough day at work Henry," was all Alex said.

"Can I get anything for you Ms. Benson?" Henry asked concerned.

"No, no thank you. I'll be fine." Olivia said giving a polite smile.

By the time they made it to Alex's apartment, Olivia was exhausted.

"Your apartment was a good idea. I don't think I could have made it up the stairs. You would have had to leave me there."

"Never, would I leave you… I would have had to camp out right there beside you."

Olivia grinned.

"I don't really see Alex Cabot camping out anywhere."

"Like I see Olivia Benson camping anywhere?"

Olivia chuckled, but quickly grabbed her side.

Alex set down their things and took Olivia's hand.

"You know what else my apartment has?"

Olivia looked at Alex's now glimmering eyes.

"A big bathtub with your name on it."

Perfect

"Yes please." Olivia said almost mercifully.

"First, are you hungry?"

"Not right now. Maybe later?"

"Of course. Wanna soak in the tub for a while? I'm sure your muscles would appreciate it."

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex, tugging at her bottom lip before she released her mouth.

"I'll take that as a yes." Alex said leading her in to the bedroom.

Alex left Olivia behind, preparing her bath. When Alex returned to the bedroom she caught Olivia's face buried in the palms of her hands.

"Baby are you ok?" Alex asked concerned at the sight of Olivia.

Olivia let out a breath

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You having to take care of me."

"Liv what are you talking about?"

"I just always fuck it up."

"What have you fucked up?"

"I wanted to…" Olivia stopped herself.

"Liv?"

"I had to leave you last night and I wanted more than anything to be with you tonight…"

"Hello I'm right?" Alex teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"Alex… I wanted to be with you, not you have to baby sit me."

Olivia's eyes were dark.

"I am not baby sitting you. I'm in love with you. I would do anything for you. Especially take care of you and be with you when you need me."

Olivia nodded her head accepting Alex's explanation.

"Now can I get you naked and in to that tub?" Alex said grinning and already reaching for the hem of Olivia's shirt.

Black and blue.

Olivia looked at Alex's face and then down at her body.

Black and blue.

Alex opened her mouth, but no words came.

"They're just bruises, I'm ok." Olivia assured her.

"Yeah, yeah I know."

Alex kissed Olivia shoulder, to her collarbone and to the peaks of her breasts.

"Definitely missed those lips today." Olivia said reveling in Alex's soft lips.

Alex trailed her mouth down Olivia's stomach and then stood, and helping Olivia to her feet.

Alex undid the drawstring to Olivia's scrubs and pushed them to the floor.

She then slid Olivia's underware past her thighs until they too fell to the floor. Alex looked to Olivia, capturing her eyes. She the reached between Olivia's legs, running her hand up her thighs and over her perfectly shaved mound. She then ran her hands gently over Olivia's breasts and then to the clasp on her bra, releasing her breasts from confinement…

"You're so beautiful," Alex whispered.

"This isn't exactly how I thought you would see me naked for the first time." Olivia worried.

"They're just bruises." Alex reminded.

Olivia grinned

Touche

Alex once again allowed her hands to gently roam Olivia's body, feeling every curve.

"So amazing" Alex whispered at the lobe of Olivia's ear.

Olivia reached up pulling her own sweater from Alex's shoulders.

"Looks good on you." She said grinning as she reached to then pull Alex's t-shirt over her head.

She undid Alex's jeans and Alex helped her push them to a puddle on the floor.

Olivia leaned in capturing the lobe of Alex's ear gently between her teeth.

A chill ran down Alex's spine.

Olivia looped her fingers in to Alex's underware and they too hit the floor. Then her bra…

Olivia's hands immediately went to cupping Alex's bare breast in her hands.

Alex then gently pressed her naked body in to Olivia's, not wanting to hurt her, but unable resist not feeling her body against hers…

They're body's indicative of a woman's body.

So different from the other, but perfect in its own way.

Alex could devour her.

Olivia began to kiss Alex's neck, but Alex backed away before they both got carried away.

"Tub," Alex reminded.

Olivia stood there, naked… biting her bottom lip. Her body ached from pain and for Alex.

Alex led Olivia to the tub.

She guided Olivia in the deep tub, seeing Olivia cringe as her body bent down in to the tub.

Alex got behind Olivia, leaning against the back of the tub and pulling Olivia against her.

"You ok?" Alex asked, hoping Olivia was feeling some relief from the warm water.

Olivia had closed her eyes.

Alex hands covering the peaks of Olivia's exposed breasts, Olivia's body sinking in between her legs.

She felt safe.

After a day of uncertainty, a day of literal hard knocks.

Alex's hand gently touched Olivia's body and she placed gentle kisses down her neck.

Olivia took Alex's roaming hand in to her own and kissed her palm. She then prompted Alex's hand down her body to her core.

Alex wrapped her left arm around Olivia and with her right hand she sunk her fingers in to Olivia's wet folds.

Olivia instantly pressed back in to Alex at her intimate touch, helping Alex gain better access to her.

Olivia let out a breathy moan in satisfaction as she reached behind her, tangling her fingers in to blonde hair.

"Relax baby." Alex whispered in to Olivia's ear. "Just let me touch you until you're ready to come for me."

God Alex Cabot was full of surprises.

Sexy, and oh so good surprises.

Olivia now gripped Alex thigh with her other hand as she prepared herself to let go.

"You're so beautiful… come for me baby. I want to watch you." Alex said letting the hand that was already holding Olivia at her waist, now reach for her right breast. Alex fingered Olivia's nipple.

"God you feels so good, please don't stop." Olivia begged, loving the pace of Alex's fingers.

"Not until you're satisfied," Alex said, nipping at her shoulder.

Olivia spread her legs a bit wider and leaned her head back on Alex's opposite shoulder.

Olivia could feel herself on the edge as gripped Alex thigh harder.

"Oh God" Olivia breathed

"Come for me baby" Alex goaded.

And as if on command Olivia's body began to shutter.

As she moaned and breathed and moaned.

Alex felt the flood between her legs as she watched Olivia come, as she watched her writhe around her hand.

Olivia grabbed Alex's hand stopping her.

"I can't, I can't… was all Olivia could say.

Satisfied.

Wet.

Satisfied.

Alex immediately wrapped her arms around Olivia, holding her.

She didn't want Olivia to feel like she couldn't lie there against her for a moment, that they both couldn't revel in all that had just happened.

Olivia ran her hands up and down Alex's thighs, thighs that were wrapped around her body.

"You ok?" Alex asked.

"Better than ok." Olivia chuckled.

Olivia took another moment to recover then sat up in the tub, making a slow turn sideways to look at Alex, to reach for her lips to take on her own.

Olivia kissed Alex more passionately.

"I need to taste you." Olivia said in to the deep blue eyes. "I need to finally know what you really taste like."

Alex crashed her lips on to Olivia's.

"Will you help me out of the tub?" Olivia said making a face.

Alex grinned.

"Of course… give me a second."

Alex stood from the tub and Olivia watched as the water slid down her long, thin body.

Alex wrapped a towel around her self and then held her arms out to Olivia.

Olivia tried to hide her face as she winced at the feel of her bruised ribs.

"Maybe we should just go lie down?" Alex offered.

"Oh we're going to lie down," Olivia said flashing a grin.

Alex couldn't help but match her grin as she wrapped the oversized towel around Olivia.

The white of the towel seemed brighter against Olivia's bronzed and now black and blue skin.

Ignoring their stills wet bodies Olivia and Alex disgaurded the towels and made their way to the bed. Olivia crawled on top of Alex.

"I'm not sure if I've been a very good caretaker." Alex said alluding to the woman now kissing right under her… breast.

"What are you talking about, I feel amazing because you've taken such good care of me tonight." Olivia said continuing to kiss down Alex's body.

Alex clinched her eyes shut taking in the electricity of Olivia's mouth.

"I just don't what you to hurt…"

"Alexandra"

Her name.

God the way she says her name.

"I'll let you know if I'm ready to stop, but right now I want to taste you until you beg me not to anymore." Olivia said biting at her bottom lip waiting for Alex's approval.

Alex looked down at Olivia then slid her nails lightly across Olivia's shoulders.

Olivia grinned and then continued letting her tongue take in Alex's skin.

Olivia slid lower, trying to ignore how sore her body was just the hear Alex beg for mercy.

She kissed Alex's lower abdomen, and then drug her tongue, teasingly between her legs, and up each thigh.

Alex moaned in anticipation.

Olivia dipped her finger between Alex's folds feeling how wet she was.

Satisfied, Olivia stopped to grin at Alex who was watching Olivia intently.

Olivia opened her mouth, licking her lips and then parted Alex's folds before sinking her mouth between them, her tongue flicked across Alex's clit, coating her wetness with her mouth…"

Alex moaned.

Olivia licked her up and down, sucking her skin against her mouth. She dipped her tongue inside Alex's entrance and that seemed to make Alex even wetter.

Olivia pushed Alex's thighs over her shoulders, and Alex gripped Olivia's bobbing head.

"Oh shit… Oh God… Liv please… Liv."

Alex's body began to shutter against Olivia's mouth.

Olivia only stopped to catch her breath before flicking Alex's clit a few more times making Alex come again.

"Oh Liv… baby!"

Olivia took one last taste of Alex before crawling her way back up to Alex.

Alex was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling. Sweat beading…

"Your mouth is… I, Oh God your mouth." Alex said giving in.

Satisfied.

Happy.

When Alex caught her breath, she turned her body facing Olivia's wide eyes.

Alex grinned and then reached for Olivia.

Alex leaned in kissing Olivia just as passionately as when the night began.

"Do you feel like laying on your stomach?" Alex asked

Olivia obliged slowly turning over on the mattress.

"I want you to relax and just let me sooth you… You should rest now."

Olivia shook her head finding hard to protest in any way.

Alex brushed Olivia's hair to the side and began kissing her neck, to her shoulders, and slowly down her back.

Soft, gentle lips touching Olivia's skin with every intention of taking every inch of Olivia as she drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch. 6

**The very thing you've been the most afraid of , you've been doing it from the start, breaking your own heart. – ****"Breaking Your Own Heart"/ K. Clarkson (Logen/Hanson)**

Olivia awoke somewhere she never had before.

She was instantly reminded of what had happened the day before as the pain and stiffness shot through her body.

Lying beside her.

Long blonde hair, perfectly pure skin…

Naked beside her.

Olivia eased herself up, trying not to disturb Alex.

Olivia, in her own nakedness made her way to the bathroom.

A moment alone.

A moment of reflection.

Unfortunately, a moment literally of Olivia's own refection.

She looked at herself in the mirror.

She winced at the site, reaching for the cut on her forehead and then her cheek.

She looked like hell.

She felt like hell.

She sat on the edge of the tub remembering the night before.

Remembering Alex.

Being with Alex.

Olivia rested her elbows to her knees and planted her bruised face in to her bruised palms.

Her yesterday was extreme.

Being a punching bag, the hospital and then being with Alex.

Just a lot to sink in the morning after.

"Hey there." Alex said softly, watching her from the doorway.

Olivia with a now tear stained face, looked up at Alex.

"Liv?" Alex said worried, sitting beside her on the tub's edge.

Olivia looked at Alex, wiping the tears that had escaped. Alex had put on her robe and Olivia suddenly felt too naked for comfort.

"Um do you have a t-shirt or something?"

"Oh of course," Alex said quickly retrieving Olivia an oversized t-shirt to cover her.

"Thanks."

"You ok?" Alex asked, sitting back down beside her.

Alex couldn't help but read between the lines of Olivia's tears.

Was she in pain? Did she regret sleeping with her?

Alex reached out snaking her arm under Olivia's, taking her hand in to her own.

"I need to know you're ok?"

"I'm ok, just everything hitting me at once this morning. No pun intended." Olivia said with a smirk.

"You don't regret last night?"

Alex had to ask.

"No… no I don't, I wouldn't…" Olivia said looking at her, reaching for her bare knee. "Alex I would never regret being with you."

Alex gave Olivia a soft smile as she leaned in pressing her lips to Olivia's cheek.

Olivia turned to Alex capturing her lips and Alex obliged.

Alex gripped at the bottom of Olivia's t-shirt as if she were holding on for dear life.

"I should probably let you get ready for work." Olivia said, breaking their kiss. "I'll make coffee…" Olivia said, already out the bathroom door.

Alex knew her.

She knew it wasn't easy being Olivia Benson.

Just give her space.

She would shower, give her space.

Olivia started the coffee and searched for her phone.

She powered it on and text after text appeared.

Amaro

Rollins

Fin

Munch

Even the Captain

But only three voicemails, from the same person.

"_Hey Liv, you ok? Heard you got knocked around today… call me when you can."_

"_Hey you ok? How's that sexy bod of yours? Need me to kiss anything and everything to make it better? Call me."_

"_Liv, a little worried about you, call me back ok?"_

Cassidy

Olivia held her phone squeezed between her palm and her fingers for a moment before she sat her phone back down on the counter.

Cassidy.

She searched Alex's fridge for eggs.

Olivia decided she would make eggs and toast while Alex was getting ready for work.

"I made breakfast" Olivia said seemingly a bit cheerier than before.

"Thank you baby." Alex said now dressed in her perfectly fitted gray suit.

Alex poured them both coffee with cream and sugar and handed the mug to Olivia.

"What?" Alex, questioning the look Olivia gave her.

"You fixed my coffee?"

"Olivia Benson I have been having coffee with you for at least a decade. I know how you like your coffee."

Olivia smiled.

Elliot was the only other person who had ever cared to memorize how she took her coffee.

"So how much time did Cragen give you?"

"He said at least take two… then desk duty until the bruises fade… Don't want to be scaring vics."

"Good idea. Guess it would be hard to explain every time that you were catching the bad guy."

"Yeah."

"Thanks again for breakfast."

"Well I figured you had to be just as hungry as I was. Seems we forgot dinner again."

"Dinner never crossed my mind." Alex said raising her brow.

"Poor little lasagna." Olivia joked. I'll stick it in the freezer for later…"

"Good idea, since we don't seem to be getting around to it!" Alex said leaning in to kiss Olivia's lips.

"Will you promise me you will rest today?" Alex said now stroking Olivia' hair, curling the ends around and around her finger.

"I will. I'm going to my apartment, hang out there… you know, and maybe put on underwear." Olivia said flashing a grin.

"Liv, please don't say things like that. I have to go to work and I can't concentrate thinking about you and no undies!" Alex teased.

Olivia stood up gathering their dishes and Alex made sure to check out the somewhat infamous ass of Olivia's that was peeking out from under her t-shirt.

Olivia walked towards Alex who was still sitting on the stool at the counter. Olivia took Alex's hands and placed them on her bare ass.

"I saw you looking Alexandra."

"Guilty" Alex said unashamed.

Olivia kissed her lips.

"Have a good day at work." Olivia said then kissing her again.

Alex squeezed Olivia's ass before she stood gathering her things.

"Help yourself to anything you need… and I'll try and call you later." Alex said before leaving Olivia alone in her apartment.

She took a baseball cap from Alex's.

She figured a baseball cap would at least get her in a taxi and to her own door without too many stares.

Besides the taxi driver's concern and asking, 'lady, are you alright?' Olivia's venture home went smoothly.

When she finally got in her apartment she went straight for the shower. Her muscles needed the warm water and she would be happy to crawl in her bed, taking Alex's advice and taking the day to rest.

As much as she hated to admit it, she was emotionally and physically spent.

After her shower, she slid on a pair of pajama shorts and a clean t-shirt. Olivia lay down and buried her self under her comforter.

She slept.

She slept the afternoon.

She would have slept longer but the knock at her front door woke her.

Olivia made her way to the door, checking first to see the familiar scruffy looking face on the other side.

Cassidy.

Olivia thought of grabbing a robe, but hell he had seen her naked…

"So you are alive..."

Olivia only moved out of the doorway allowing Cassidy into her apartment.

"I don't even get a phone call?"

"I appreciated your concern I've just been… I've been trying to sleep it off today."

Cassidy cupped her cheek, studying her face.

"He really knocked hell out of you."

"You really know how to make a lady feel beautiful." Olivia quipped.

"Oh come on Liv, like a few cuts and bruises are gonna mask how beautiful you are."

Those were the right words make a lady feel beautiful.

She didn't have a comeback.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No, no I'm fine. And I should be asking you do you need anything?"

"I'm ok. Really I am."

Cassidy followed Olivia over to her couch.

"They get the guy who did this to you?"

"Yeah."

"What were you looking for him for?"

"Raping a teenage girl."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

"But hey, you got him right?!"

He understood about catching the bad guys.

Olivia gave a slight smile.

"Yeah we did."

It was quiet for a moment before Olivia let out a breathy laugh.

"What?"

"You and me…" she said shaking her head.

"What about you and me?" He asked curious, now touching the outside of her thigh.

"We've never been in to small talk."

"Well it seems insensitive to ask to have sex with you right now."

"Ha ha" Olivia said rolling her eyes. "Mr. Sensitivity."

"Oh come on Liv," he said now running his fingers up and down her thigh, "You know I care about you… you know how I feel about you."

Olivia rolled her eyes again still making light of their conversation and trying not to react to him touching her the way he was.

He always knew just how to touch her.

"I was worried about you, and I am really glad you're ok."

Cassidy leaned in capturing a quick kiss to her lips.

She wasn't stunned or thrown off by him kissing her. Why should she be?

But she couldn't find the right words or the right action after he kissed her.

As if on cue a knock at the door interrupted the unnoticeably awkward moment.

Olivia went to the door, seeing it was Alex.

Olivia felt the need to wipe her mouth before she opened the door.

As if her mouth were evidence.

She hoped the look on her face would tell Alex she had company.

"Hey I figured I would just come here instead…" Alex said as she quickly leaned in for a kiss.

Olivia dodged her kiss and gestured to her guest.

"Must be my lucky day, Cassidy decided to check on me too." She said wide- eyed.

"Oh Cassidy. Hi." Alex said gathering her thoughts.

Shit, shit, shit.

Giveaway.

"Well you had us all a little worried…" Alex said recovering.

"I was just telling Liv how worried I was and not hearing from her didn't help."

"I am sorry I didn't call you back, " Olivia said sincerely.

"You know I should go, let you two catch up." Cassidy said feeling a bit crowded.

Cassidy reached for Olivia's hand. "Please let me know if you need anything. And I'll see you soon." He said giving her a wink.

"Alex, take care of her. It was good to see you again." He said before making his way out.

Olivia shut the door behind him.

"Interesting to see Cassidy here." Alex said removing her shoes and then her suit jacket."

"I didn't expect that he would actually come by."

"He called to check on you?"

"Oh yeah he left a couple of messages last night… I hadn't called him back."

"Oh… Ok."

"What is that?

"What is what?

"Alex Cabot, are you a little jealous of Cassidy?"

"I am not jealous."

Olivia looked at her.

"What? I'm not jealous!"

"Ok, Ok." Olivia said raising her arms in surrender.

Alex grabbed Olivia's arm and pulled her against her.

Bare feet, toe to toe Alex had a suddenly very noticeable two inches on Olivia.

Alex lifted Olivia's chin to look in to her eyes.

"Bruises look better today..." Alex said now running her finger from Olivia's chin, down her throat, stopping at the peak of her breasts, assuring she had Olivia's attention.

"What if I was a little jealous?" Alex said, her voice a bit more seductive than before.

Olivia raised her brow.

"If this is you a little jealous…" Olivia said looking down at Alex's finger tracing the peaks of her breasts. "I might like it… just a little.

"So can I have that kiss you dodged earlier?" Alex teased.

Olivia instantly pressed her lips to Alex's, capturing her bottom lip between hers.

Chills.

"Sorry about that."

"All is forgivin'." Alex said now grinning. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Of course."

"I don't want to push you Liv." Alex said taking a step back.

"You're not pushing Alex. I want you to stay with me. I wouldn't agree if I didn't want you to… So how does ordering Chinese sound?"

Alex smiled.

"Chinese sounds good."

Olivia pulled the take-out menu from off the fridge and handed it to Alex. "Ok for you to order? I'll get something comfy to put on." Olivia said pressing her lips to Alex's cheek.

Alex took the menu.

Moments later Alex headed to the bedroom already pulling her shirt from her skirt.

"Beef and Broccoli, Chicken Lo Mein… Spring Rolls…"

"Sounds good." Olivia said helping Alex with the buttons on her shirt.

Olivia slid the t-shirt over Alex's naked body. "PJ pants or shorts?"

"Pants", Alex said taking the soft cotton from Olivia.

Alex kissed Olivia "Thanks for the PJs."

Olivia smiled making her way to the kitchen.

"Care for a beer?" Olivia asked gathering plates.

"That'd be great."

Olivia sat everything on the coffee table as the doorbell rang.

"That was quick," Olivia said as she looked at the deliveryman before opening the door.

Both now settled on to the couch, Alex unpacked the food.

"Smells amazing, I'm starving. I hate to admit it, but I slept through the afternoon."

"No, I'm glad you rested today. You needed the sleep."

They finished dinner

"I hate to do this but, I have to make a few notes on a case before tomorrow. Would you mind if I…"

Olivia stopped Alex, kissing her.

"You work, I will read…"

"In bed?"

"Hmm?" Olivia asked, taking the dishes to the sink.

"Bed."

Olivia grinned, "yes in bed."

Alex continued to work, but was certain Olivia only made it through a few pages before she was fast asleep.

She couldn't believe she was lying here, so comfortable in Olivia's bed.

Alex sat her work on the bedside table, along with her glasses. She turned out her lamp and reached over Olivia turning out the lamp on her side.

Olivia stirred.

"I fell asleep," she mumbled.

"I know it's ok." Alex said kissing shoulder.

Olivia never opened her eyes.

Alex reached under Olivia's t-shirts and began to soothingly drag her fingers up and down Olivia's stomach.

Olivia let out a slight sound of approval.

"Sleep baby."

Alex would make Olivia forget Brian Cassidy's name.


	7. Chapter 7

Ch. 7

"**When it comes you, oh the damage I could do. It's always your favorite sins, that do you in****" — "You and Tequila" Berg/Carter**

Paperwork hell.

Olivia was certain she had spent the last week in paperwork hell.

It had been worse than all the times she had been sentenced to desk duty before.

This may have been a slight dramatic reaction to watching everyone come and go out of the squad room, while her ass made a permanent imprint on her desk chair.

A week had gone by and the bruises on her face and body had now turned several shades of yellow, easily concealed by makeup and long sleeves.

She was fine, impatient, and fine.

She had begged Cragen to let her off of desk duty.

No go.

Paperwork hell.

"Burned your retinas yet?" Amaro teased, gathering his things from his desk.

"Don't joke, I think it happened about an hour ago."

"How about I buy you a couple of beers?" He said watching her squirm. "It's quittin' time Benson."

"You buyin' beers?" Amanda asked, as she strolled in the squad room.

"Looks like I am."

"Come on Liv!' Amanda prodded.

The truth was Olivia couldn't wait to get out of that chair and really could use a beer.

But she also thought of Alex.

She hadn't been able to see her any this week except in passing in the squad room.

Alex had been in court all week and when she wasn't, she was buried in prep work.

"You goin'?" Nick asked again.

"Yeah, yeah I'm going," Olivia said pulling herself away from her desk.

"I'll catch up with you guys in a sec. I want to change." She said, grabbing her phone and then making her way to the locker room.

Olivia checked to see if she was alone…

She pulled out her phone, listening to the first ring.

"Hey you."

Already a smile on the other end of the line.

"Hi there."

Olivia too, had a smile instantly cover her face.

"I was just checking to see how you were? See how your day was."

"I'm fine, tired. Ready for a break."

"You think you'll have to work too late?"

"Hopefully not too late, but I'll be here for a while..."

"The guys ask me to go have a few beers and I figured you were working…"

"When I finally get out of here tonight, I'm probably going to just go home and soak in the tub. You go, have a great time!" Alex said sincerely.

"The tub huh? The beer doesn't sound so appealing." Olivia joked.

"Ha! Liv, you've had a long week too. You deserve to get out."

"So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course you will!" Alex said happily.

"Have a good night, hope you get to that tub soon enough."

"Thanks babe, have fun."

Olivia hung up the phone and for a moment she sat there reveling in Alex Cabot.

She then quickly pulled her hair out of the ponytail she had sported most of the day and she changed in to a pair of jeans she left in her locker.

It made her feel more human and less as Alex called it, a crime fighter.

She hated she wouldn't spend the evening with Alex, but she would see her tomorrow. Even as soon as breakfast if Olivia could arrange it.

The bar was already crowded, but it was to be expected for a Friday night.

Olivia followed Nick to a table not too far from the bar.

Everyone had gathered, already raring to go in to the weekend.

And of course he was here.

He was sitting next to Munch and of course the only seats left open were next to him.

No chance Amaro would snuggle up to him.

"There she is." He said with a grin.

Ok, it was a sexy, little grin.

But still Olivia felt a little uneasy and uncontrollable with him there.

Track record.

She and Cassidy's track record.

"Can I get a round of shots?" Cassidy said to the waitress over his shoulder. "Tequila."

Along with the shots, everyone ordered their drinks.

It was crowded, chaotic.

A good time.

"No one at the table noticed Cassidy repeatedly whisper dirty little things in to Olivia's ear. No one noticed how he kept his thigh melded in to hers, and how he repeatedly made sure he touched her in all of the appropriately inappropriate ways.

Another shot, another drink.

More crowded, more chaotic.

Olivia caught herself leaning in closer and closer.

His hands on her, she was leaning in closer.

Fuck.

"Dance with me." Cassidy said sliding his hand up the inside of her thigh.

"What? No."

"Come on, one little dance."

"You don't know the meaning of one little dance." Olivia teased.

Cassidy stood, not taking "no" for an answer. He reached out his hand to her.

Amanda's attention turned, suddenly noticed what was transpiring across the table from her.

She watched as Cassidy looked at Olivia intently, as Olivia did him.

Olivia stood taking Cassidy's hand not saying a word.

Amanda's eyes followed the two of them to the far corner of the dance floor.

She watched as Cassidy reached, pushing his hands under Olivia's shirt to her bare skin of her lower back.

It was obvious he had done this before; Olivia didn't seem stunned by the way he touched her so intimately.

So recklessly.

He pulled Olivia against him, and Amanda tried to will herself to look away.

She couldn't.

Maybe it was the beer; maybe this was just too damn good of a show.

His hands ran down Olivia's backside, cupping her ass as they swayed back and forth. Cassidy's lips reached for her neck.

Amanda's eyes grew wide. Holy shit, why was no one catching this but her?

Up her backside, back under her shirt, his hands roaming further and further. Cassidy was doing everything but having sex with Olivia on the dance floor.

And she didn't seem to mind.

The song ended, she watched as both stood there for a moment.

Cassidy backed Olivia in to the nearest wall.

Cassidy was a big guy and even when Olivia wore heels he still had enough height and size on her to make her feel consumed by him.

Amanda felt her neck stretching and she leaned over a bit further.

There were still these intense stares between them, until the moment their lips crashed in to the others.

Recklessly.

This was definitely a side of Olivia, Amanda didn't know. And wasn't she just getting over David Hayden? This encounter didn't look new.

And why was no one seeing this but her?

Amanda watched as Olivia quickly took a step back from their kiss. She placed the palms of her hands at Cassidy's chest.

Distance.

She watched as they exchanged a few words…

"One dance." Olivia reminded.

"Lets get out of here." Cassidy said placing his hands over Olivia's.

God the heat of his body.

Fuck

"I shouldn't… I can't… not tonight ok? Already too drunk…"

A good enough excuse.

She couldn't go home with him.

She had, had too much to drink.

And there was Alex.

It wasn't that she wasn't turned on.

It wasn't that she couldn't leave right now, fuck him…

She could.

But Alex.

She really wanted to go home to Alex, not with Brian Cassidy.

Fuck.

"Go back, get another beer. I'll be right back ok." Olivia said leaving him standing there, as she headed towards the ladies room.

Olivia gave him no choice.

You could tell Cassidy had to gather himself before he walked back to the table.

Amanda stood up leaving the table before Cassidy made it back.

She had already been too intrusive, but now she had to make sure Olivia was ok.

She made her way to the bathroom.

By then Olivia was standing in front of the sink, trying to focus on her own reflection.

"Rollins." Olivia said acknowledging her presents.

"Hey… you ok?"

"Yeah… just a little… drunk." Olivia said squeezing her eyes shut and then open again.

"I didn't know you and Cassidy were so um, close."

Olivia looked at Amanda and let out a breathy laugh.

"We're not."

"Really?"

Olivia took a deep breath, trying to focus again.

Amanda had seen them.

"We have… Cassidy and I are complicated. Actually… its not complicated at all."

"Just sex?"

Again, the breathy laugh.

She got it.

Nail on head.

"Yeah, just sex."

"Well he clearly wanted you. Not that I meant to see what I saw."

"Did anyone else…"

"No, only in my line of vision. Everyone else was caught up in their own bullshitting."

Olivia stood up straight, looking in the mirror one last time.

"Liv are you sure you're ok?"

Amanda could tell something wasn't right.

She was thinking.

"I just need go home before I do something I regret. I have this uncanny ability to find a way to mess up anything that is going good in my life..."

Amanda understood.

Olivia and Amanda made their way back to the table.

"What are women doing in that bathroom anyway?" Amaro drunkenly questioned to Olivia and Amanda.

"Plotting." Was all Amada said, as she grinned to Olivia.

Olivia smiled, as they both concealed the conversation they shared in the bathroom.

"Ok guys I'm calling it a night…"

"Oh come on Liv!" Munch grumbled.

"You all make sure you get home ok." Olivia said finding her purse.

"I'll walk you out." Cassidy said, as he started to get up.

"No I'm just catching a cab, I'll be fine. Stay, have a good night ok." She said smiling at him.

She smiled to keep him seated; she smiled at him for being proud of herself for not going home with him.

Olivia made it outside the bar on to the still crowded street.

She held out her arm for the next cab.

Split second decision.

It was late.

She was certifiably drunk.

She knew Alex was tired, probably asleep by now.

But she wanted to go to Alex.

"Where to?"

Split second.

Olivia, spouted Alex's address…

Olivia stepped off the elevator on Alex's floor. A few steps and Olivia was knocking quietly as she could against her front door.

A minute later Alex opened the door, still tightening her robe around her waist.

"Liv?"

Olivia was biting her lip, still a bit unsure if she should have just showed up at Alex's so late.

"What are you doing here?"

"Were you asleep?"

"No, reading… come in here," Alex said pulling Olivia inside by the hand.

"I had too much to drink… too fast." Olivia confessed.

"You ok?"

"Yeah sobering… I just didn't want to go home."

"So you came to me?" Alex said, sparking a grin.

"I wanted to come to you so badly."

Another confession.

Alex gave Olivia a quick kiss before she helped pull Olivia's jacket from her shoulders and threw it over the back of the couch.

"You hungry? I know you probably haven't eaten."

"Not for food." Olivia said pointedly.

Alex grinned again.

"Really, well let me see if I can help you with that." Alex said before crashing her lips against Olivia's.

"It's been such a long week." Olivia breathed against Alex's lips.

"Ridiculously long."

"Too long to not see you naked." Olivia grinned.

"Too long to not get you naked!" Alex sparred.

"I want you. God, I just want you." Olivia said pressing Alex's legs to the back of the couch.

Alex's robe was gone quickly and the white v-neck shirt underneath only stood as a barrier for seconds.

Underwear

Just standing there in her underwear.

Polka dots.

Olivia hands roamed and touched, her mouth nipped and kissed.

"You are so beautiful and the polka dots are killing me!" Olivia grinned.

"I didn't know you were coming over!" Alex defended.

"I love em', but I want them off."

"Oh wait just a second… you have way more clothing on than I do!" Alex said as she immediately started to remedy that as Olivia tugged at her own shoes.

Shirt gone, jeans gone.

Alex ran her hand down Olivia's neck looping the gold charms with her fingers. Alex then kissed the mounds of her breasts before she released them.

Alex raised her brow.

"I love your breasts." Alex said bluntly as if they had taken her breath away.

Olivia's nipples were hard as Alex ran her fingers across them.

Alex grabbed Olivia by the hand leading her towards the bedroom.

Olivia stopped them mid hallway, unable to wait any longer.

"Please" was all Alex heard Olivia say before she was backed against the wall, Olivia's tongue found its way in to Alex's mouth, and her hands in to her wet polka dot panties.

Olivia's fingers wasted no time finding Alex's swollen clit.

Alex let out a pleased moan.

"Baby..." Alex said, opening her legs a bit wider for better access.

Olivia two fingers slid in to near, teasing Alex's opening.

"I want to fuck you, feel you around me."

"Yes, baby please." Alex panted.

Olivia's fingers slowly slid in to Alex.

"Alex" was all Olivia could drag out as wetness soaked Olivia's fingers.

She began to pump her fingers in to Alex.

Before Alex knew it Olivia had pulled her body closer to hers, lifting one of her legs so she could go deeper.

Alex's head thrown back, Olivia finger fucked her as she rubbed Alex's clit back and forth with her thumb.

Alex's knees weakened.

"I've got you baby, come for me, I've got you…" Olivia said, as she held Alex between her body and the wall.

"Liv, baby, keep going. God, keep going…"

"Come for me baby!" Olivia said in between breaths.

Alex and Olivia both would be thankful later that the hallway to Alex's bedroom was on an interior wall of the apartment.

"God baby…"

Alex began to shutter around Olivia's fingers and Olivia pushed her over the edge.

Olivia loved the sounds Alex made as she made her come.

Olivia held Alex as promised when her knees went weak.

Their chests heaved against the others as they both came down from the high.

Sweat beading between their breasts, still pressed in to each other.

Alex laughed with euphoric laughter.

Olivia grinned satisfied at the smile on Alex's face.

Alex then pushed off the wall.

"Bed!" Alex ordered, pushing Olivia backwards towards the bedroom.

As they hit the bed, Alex reached between Olivia's legs, cupping her soaked panties.

Alex gave a sly smile and slid Olivia's panties down her hips, and reminded Olivia to get in bed.

Alex crawled on top of Olivia, straddling her at her stomach.

Alex's core pressing in to Olivia revealed she was wet all over again.

"You make me so hot, so wet…"

"Mmm I can feel you baby." Olivia said with a grin.

Alex's long blonde hair drug across Olivia's olive skin as she kissed down her body.

Alex then slid down the bed and continued to kiss down Olivia's body.

"You are so ridiculously sexy." Alex said as Olivia writhed under Alex's soft kisses.

Alex's hand ran down between Olivia's breasts, down her belly, and then dipped in to Olivia's folds.

She ran her fingers down the length of Olivia and then spread her lower lips open as Alex's mouth made contact with Olivia's clit.

The sound that came from Olivia's mouth let Alex know she was right where she needed to be.

Alex kissed, and licked, and sucked; cover her mouth and fingers with Olivia.

Alex pushed Olivia's legs further apart as she pushed her tongue inside of her.

Olivia reactively held on to Alex's head.

"Fuck, oh fuck!" Olivia said not believing Alex Cabot abilities to do what she was doing to her.

Alex moved back up to Olivia's swollen clit and lapped rhythmically.

"Oh baby… oh, oh… yes! Yes!" Olivia screamed as she came against Alex's mouth.

Alex stayed below a few moment kissing, caressing Olivia's thighs. Alex couldn't believe she could be so in love with this woman's body.

Both spent, Alex crawled in to Olivia's arms.

"You are amazing," Olivia said kissing Alex.

"Not too bad yourself Ms. Benson." Alex said once again with a grin on her face.

"I'm glad you came home to me tonight." Alex said pulling Olivia even closer.

Home.

And the right decision.

"I just wanted to be with you so much." Olivia said closing her eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8

"**Just when we think we're invincible we find out how fragile we are." – M. Logen**

Alex got what she wanted.

She woke up holding Olivia in her arms.

Her arm strewn across Olivia's naked body, her longs leg capturing Olivia's…

It was what she wanted.

Her fantasy, her confession.

Olivia began to stir and Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's bare shoulder.

Alex watched as a smile spread across her lover's face.

"Good morning."

"Umm hmm good morning." Olivia said now turning to a very sexy woman with tousled hair and black-rimmed glasses.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Not very long." Alex said, this time with a quick kiss.

"It's raining." Olivia said noticing how dark the room still was.

"It has been for a while…"

"You said you haven't been awake very long."

"Just long enough to get crazy turned on by the incredibly sexy brunette in my bed."

"Turned on…?"

Alex's eyes widened as if to tease Olivia.

Olivia suddenly pushed Alex flat against the sheets, climbing on top of her.

Olivia pulled Alex's glasses from her and laid them on the nightstand.

Olivia clasped Alex's hands above her head and let her naked body drag across Alex's.

"Raining… probably should just stay in bed."

"Um hmm," was Alex's only response.

Alex reached to capture Olivia's lips and they began to kiss wildly.

Alex could feel how wet Olivia had become against her thigh.

Olivia grinned. "The moment you said you were turned on…"

"I'm so tuned on!" Alex said as she pressed her thigh further between Olivia's legs.

Olivia began to rock back and forth, letting her clit come in to contact with Alex's thigh.

"Baby let me touch you please." Alex begged

Olivia let Alex's hands go and leaned back, continuing to rock against Alex.

Alex had to touch the body before her, she had to hold on to the body that was making her so wet.

Olivia's olive skin, her dark nipples, her toned stomach, her ample thighs locked against her own contrasting body.

Alex felt Olivia tense up and slow her pace.

Alex pushed her thigh even harder in to Olivia.

"Come on baby," Alex said as she watched Olivia rock back and forth, he eyes closed…

A slight whimper fell from Olivia's lips as Alex gripped Olivia's hips.

Olivia's breath hitched on the waves of pleasure coursing through her body.

Alex let her finish at her own pace before she pulled Olivia towards for another kiss.

Olivia's head now hit the pillow beside Alex, and Alex pulled the comforter on top of them.

"Good morning." Olivia said as she laughed.

After Olivia recovered she pulled Alex against her, one hand wrapping around Alex's waist, the other cupping her bare breast. "I could wake up to you every day."

"I like that plan." Alex said pressing herself tighter against Olivia's body.

They both drifted off to sleep as the heavy rain pelted against the windows.

It was half passed eleven before they woke again.

"I should get in the shower…" Olivia said already sitting on the side of the bed.

"I'll make us something to eat." Alex said looking for her robe.

"Living room."

"What?"

"Your robe, its on the floor in living room." Olivia said amused.

"Oh yeah." Alex said as she leaned in to kiss Olivia. "I remember now."

Alex walked away grinning.

And Olivia made her way to the shower.

"Why are you dressed?" A towel wrapped Olivia asked as she looked at a fully clothed Alex.

Alex wrinkled her face pulling Olivia towards her, offering her the cup of coffee in her hand.

"Oh no."

"It will probably only be for a couple of hours… Cragen said it should be quick."

"Fin and Rollins called in?"

"Yeah." Alex said kissing Olivia's pouting lips. "Clean t-shirts are in the bottom drawer or you're welcome to whatever else you find…"

Olivia shook her head.

"Or you could stay in bed and wait for me." Alex said grinning.

"No such luck Cabot." Olivia said stealing a kiss. "I need to run a few errands, run home. Call me when you're done…"

"Fair enough."

Alex grabbed a protein bar for her cab ride.

"Hopefully no one will notice my skin smells like the insanely sexy Olivia Benson."

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex a bit more passionately one more time.

"Hurry home, I owe you one Alexandra!" Olivia said walking away with Alex's coffee in hand.

"Three hours and you got a confession?"

"Guess he didn't want to be in there either," Amanda quipped as she sat down at her desk. "Sorry we had to drag you down here on a Saturday, I know you've been in court all week."

"I was definitely looking forward to lazy day…"

In bed with Olivia.

"Yeah it was rough dragging myself out of bed after staying out late last night."

"Yeah I heard you guys had a good time last night."

"Oh been talking to Liv this morning huh?"

Shit

"Yeah." Was all Alex said.

Amanda thought nothing of it.

"So what's up with her and Cassidy?"

Amanda knew Alex was Olivia's best friend. It seemed somewhat intrusive, but an innocent enough question.

"What do you mean?"

Amanda took Alex's wide eyes as interested more so that shocked.

"Hands all over her last night."

"Oh."

Alex tried to seem unaffected, but the truth was at that moment that's all she could muster to say.

She wanted to scream.

Kick and scream.

"Yeah Liv seemed in to it and then she just cut it off, I met her in the bathroom and she said she had to go home before she did something she regretted. I didn't know that she had Cassidy were sleeping together…"

Rollins shut the fuck up.

"Yeah… I thought that was over."

Cabot shut the fuck up.

"Liv called it off, but it didn't look completely over."

Kick and scream.

"Hey Rollins, you got the paperwork on this guy?" Fin said peering around the corner.

"Gotta go." Amanda said grabbing the folder from her desk. "Have a great weekend. Hope you get some rest!"

"Thanks." Was all Alex muttered.

Rest was definitely not happening.

Alex looked over at Liv's empty desk.

She felt like she was going to be sick.

Alex held steady. She continually took deep breaths, and kept focus on anything but her thoughts.

Her fucking thoughts.

But, by the time Alex had closed the door to her apartment, she couldn't hold it in any longer.

Tears fell down her cheeks.

One tear after the other.

She knew Olivia, she knew all about Olivia.

Why would she be the exception to Olivia's rule?

Olivia was what she wanted, and Alex deserved what she got.

"Fuck Cassidy!"

But she guessed that's what Olivia did, fucked Cassidy.

Fucked whoever she wanted, including Alex Cabot.

Alex stripped off her clothes and found herself starring at the tousled bed.

Starring at the imprint of Olivia's body against the sheets.

Alex made her way to the shower, leaving everything behind.

It was late…

It had become late.

Late for someone that should have been "only a few hours".

She had heard her phone.

She knew there was a message or two, or three.

She didn't have to look who it was from.

It was late.

Alex pulled on her jeans and a light sweater. She pulled her hair in to a ponytail leaving her face blank, her eyes red.

She got what she wanted. She got Olivia.

Now she needed to know if Olivia really wanted her.

The beginning or the end.

Alex made her way out of the cab and up the stairs to Olivia's apartment.

In all of the rationale Alex could muster she replayed the part where Olivia had to go before she did 'something she regretted'. Replayed the part where she left Cassidy at the bar and came to her.

Olivia opened the door quickly.

"I was beginning to get worried, I thought you weren't…" Olivia stopped, getting a look at Alex's face.

"What happened? Are you ok? Alex."

Alex calmly walked in, pulling off her coat.

"Alex? Say something. Did something happen at the precinct?"

Olivia was panicking. Worried.

Alex looked at Olivia.

"You were with Cassidy last night?"

"What?"

"Olivia."

"Yes, he was at the bar with the guys…"

Alex shook her head.

Olivia got it.

Busted.

"Alex, we were drinking. It was just… nothing. It was nothing.

"Didn't sound like it was nothing."

Fucking Rollins!

"I stopped it. I had too much to drink, I wasn't thinking straight. But I got it together. I knew where I needed to be… not with Cassidy.

"Am I suppose to thank you for choosing me?" Alex shot back.

"Alex no…"

"You still want to fuck Cassidy. For all I know you still are fucking Cassidy! And lucky Olivia gets a little Alex on the side."

"Alex stop!"

"No you stop!"

Olivia looked at Alex horrified.

"I'm not fucking Cassidy."

"Oh really?" Alex asked sarcastically.

"Alex I'm not!"

"You two were all over each other last night, and then you came to me. You fucked me!"

"Because I wanted you…"

"You can't have both, you can't have whatever or whoever you want. Not with me!"

"I don't want whoever, I want you."

"He had his hands on you, his lips on you…"

A tear fell down Alex's face.

She didn't care if it was jealousy.

She was in love with Olivia Benson and she didn't want to share.

Olivia said nothing. If there were any sort of redemption she would have to be patient for it.

"Is this just sex to you? You said you and Cassidy were just sex. Is that what you and I are? Just sex?"

"Alex you know we're more than that."

"Do I? How do I not know I'm not part of the little game you play?"

Alex watched Olivia as swallow hard.

Alex watched as tears welled in Olivia eyes.

Low blow.

Defense mode.

The Olivia Benson, fuck you, I can take care of myself, defense mode.

"Maybe now you know who I really am." Olivia said coldly.

Alex backed away from Olivia, letting it breathe.

Air to fire.

Olivia folded her arms to her chest as if to protect herself.

"You're not just sex Alex. There's no game. I want to be with you."

Alex looked at Olivia

"Then why be with Cassidy? Why not just end it with him? If you really want to be with me, let it be me, just me!" Alex pleaded.

Olivia sat down on the couch, burying her face in the palm of her hands.

Defenseless.

Alex sat down beside her.

"Why won't you let yourself need someone that is good for you? Why don't you let yourself have something real?"

"Because that's not real." Olivia said looking up, her face tear stained. "People leave you, people disappoint you. That's the part that's real."

"Liv, I won't leave you…"

"But you did…"

"Liv, I had to go. You know I did…"

"I know."

No comeback. She knew.

But Alex was still part of the statistic.

"So what, you keep a backup? We don't work? I leave you, you go back to Cassidy?"

Olivia offered no defense.

The defense rests.

Silence… shitty silence.

"Liv, yes I'm being jealous and territorial. And maybe I'm jumping in too fast, too soon. But I know how I feel when I'm with you, and it just validates the way I've felt about you for years… I went home today and I cried. I was so pissed off. And then, I thought I have to at least fight for you. See if I'm worth it to you; cause God you sure as hell are worth it to me. But I won't play the game… I won't compete; I won't share with Cassidy or anyone else for that matter.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but I didn't mean for it to go as far as it did with him last night. But I did stop; I did come to my senses. I did know what and who I really wanted to be with. That's why I came to you. Because you are the one I want, not him."

"Then tell him its over. End it for me. Let me be the only one you need."

"I will. I promise I will. Please tell me you believe when I say you're the one I want. The one I've wanted from the moment I kissed you."

"I believe you ok. I believe you. But I'm still pissed."

Olivia took Alex's hand in to hers.

"I almost hunted down Cassidy and told him to stop fucking my girlfriend. Luckily I had enough self-control." Alex said, even joking.

Olivia let out a slight and relieved laugh.

"Fucking YOUR girlfriend huh?"

"Yes my girlfriend. You're mine."

"I am huh?"

"Yes Liv. I don't want this to be some fling, just sex. I want you, to be with you."

Olivia shook her head and smiled.

"Am I allowed to kiss you or are you still too pissed?"

"I'm still pissed, but you can kiss me."

Olivia leaned in, pressing her lips to Alex's, tasting the heat of her tongue.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let Cassidy and I get that far last night. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Alex shook her head accepting Olivia's apology.

"So with that apology can your girlfriend buy you dinner?" Olivia asked hopeful.

Alex kissed Olivia again. "Yes you can. But we both could use a little work if we're going out, we're a mess." Alex said referring to their tear stained faces.

"Maybe we should order in. Besides I still owe you a little something from this morning. That is if you want to stay with me tonight."

"Of course I do… I don't want to spend another night without you."


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you all for your great reviews and for being patient with chapter updates! I never give extra warning about mature ratings for these chapters, I just assume if rated "M" ya'll get it ;)

-M

Ch. 9

"**Baby, do I do it for you? Oh, 'cause all I ever wanted, baby, was to do it for you." "Breakfast In Bed"/Train**

Alex straddled Olivia as Olivia played with the bottom of the faded black Rolling Stones t-shirt Alex was wearing.

"I like this t-shirt better on you" Olivia said admiring how the t-shirt was just long enough to hit the top of Alex's thighs.

They had stayed in bed most of the morning telling all of the things they should and needed to be doing.

Still, they stayed in bed.

It had been a two weeks since they fought about Cassidy. It had been two weeks since they laid down the rules of a relationship.

Their relationship.

Alex reached for the coffee cup on the nightstand.

She let Olivia sit up while she took a sip and then handed the cup to Olivia.

"I like breakfast in bed with you" Olivia said taking a sip and then sitting the cup back down.

"A left over slice of pizza and coffee in not breakfast!" Alex teased as she sat facing Olivia, wrapping her legs around her so close their cores almost made contact.

"It's breakfast at Casa de Benson!" Olivia said laughing.

Alex kissed Olivia, "your grocery shopping skills are to be desired," another kiss, and another lingering... kiss.

"Another reason why I like your apartment better!" Olivia grinned. "You have food!"

Alex rolled her eyes as she tugged at the now stretched tank Olivia had slept in, pulling her closer.

Olivia nipples hardened as Alex ran her hands under the tank and over Olivia's breasts.

"Hard to keep my hands off you." Alex mumbled against Olivia's lips.

Another kiss.

Alex then pulled away with a grin, looking at Olivia.

"What?" Olivia asked puzzled as she was falling for Alex's moves.

Alex reached for a strand of Olivia's long wavy hair, twirling it around her finger.

"I want to take you out."

'OK, but I thought we were staying in bed?"

"No, I mean I want to take you out tonight. We've had dinner together for years, but I've never taken you anywhere special. I want to take you somewhere where you can wear a sexy little dress..." Alex said with a devilish grin.

"Alexandra are you asking me out on a date?"

"Yes, I am." Alex laughed.

"Figures I would finally get a dinner date out of you while you're fondling my breasts!"

Alex looked at Olivia as if she were appalled.

Olivia leaned in kissing her and pushed her against the bed.

Olivia climbed on top of Alex, teasing her lips, kissing her passionately before she tried getting out of bed.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Alex pouted.

Olivia looked at the blonde lying in her bed, long bare legs strewn about.

"I have to get up. I have a date tonight and I need to shower, and figure out what to wear and…"

Alex grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her back towards her on the bed.

"Just a little longer."

Olivia grinned.

Alex Cabot was sexy as hell.

"Hey are we sleeping here or at your place tonight?" Olivia asked, thinking.

Alex grinned

"We can sleep at my apartment or we can sleep here. As long as I'm with you I don't care where we sleep!"

"I was just going to send a bag with you when you went home this afternoon, so I could have a few things for tomorrow." Olivia said shyly.

"Maybe you should pack a few things you wouldn't mind just leaving at my apartment." Alex said. "Not that I mind seeing you in anything of mine…"

Alex suddenly wondered if she should start back peddling.

This was Olivia Benson she was dealing with.

Olivia grinned. "I think I could spare a few things to leave there."

Another hour passed lying in bed together before they had to get up.

"I'll be back here around 6:30?" Alex said taking Olivia's overnight bag in her hand.

"Sounds good" Olivia said pulling Alex a bit closer for a goodbye kiss. "Oh and don't look in the bag."

"What?" Alex said grinning.

Olivia placed her finger at Alex's lips. "Little surprise Alexandra," was all Olivia said, before kissing her goodbye again.

Butterflies

Not scared, but anticipation.

The woman Alex had left only a few hours ago was driving her wild with anticipation.

Alex sprayed perfume against her neck, and let the perfume splay against more of her bare skin.

Black lace panties, a matching bra underneath a black, slinky, draped front dress that was of course short enough, and revealing enough to display Olivia's favorite asset of Alex's.

Her insanely long legs.

Alex slid on the slightly pointed 3 inch black heels that had her standing at 6 feet tall.

Alex snickered to herself hoping Olivia wouldn't out do her on the heels.

She liked that she had a little height on Olivia, two inches or not.

Alex grabbed her clutch and looked at herself one more time in the hallway mirror before leaving.

Alex stood up straighter, a smile crossing her face. She had never felt more confident, and more consumed by anyone in her life.

A man, a woman… no one had ever taken over her senses the way Olivia Benson had and did.

What once was uncertain, what once frightened her, didn't matter.

She was so in love with Olivia.

Olivia opened the door; her eyes wide, her perfect Colgate smile.

Alex stood in the doorway taking Olivia in.

Worth the anticipation.

Never was there a moment of doubt that Olivia was truly beautiful. But when the opportunity to be out of her element, to see her when she wasn't playing with the boys… God, she was stunning.

Alex at first said nothing as a smile crossed her face. Alex's hands reached for Olivia's waist as she made her way in to the apartment. Alex then slid her hands down the silky blue material to Olivia's hips.

"You look incredible." Alex said leaning in for a quick kiss before returning her eyes to the woman before her.

Olivia grinned, blushed even.

The way Alex was looking at her made her blush.

Her dark blue dress hugged her hips, down her thighs, before hitting the top of her knees. Every inch, every curve was blatant and sexy and outlined in her dress.

The peaks of her breast her shoulders…

Perfection displayed.

Olivia new what she had to offer.

Olivia reached for Alex's hips, pulling her closer once again, "you look so sexy, so beautiful…"

Olivia tugged at Alex's bottom lip and Alex gently pushed Olivia against the back of the door.

Alex held Olivia's hands, palm to palm against the door.

Alex noticed, even though Olivia was sporting some outrageous heels she still had a bit of height on her.

"Alex we have to stop… we're not going to make it out of here!" Olivia said though she snuck in another kiss.

"Ok, ok we have to go… now."

Olivia laughed as she quickly grabbed her purse and the cashmere wrap that Alex had bought her for Christmas two years ago…

"I gave…"

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex and grinning, "yes baby you did."

They would straighten hair and reapply lipstick in the cab.

Alex assured Olivia she had planned the whole evening as they sat at the bar enjoying a cocktail before dinner.

"How did you get reservations?"

"I have my ways?" Alex said grinning.

"Of course you do!" Olivia said with a laugh as she took another sip of her drink.

"Did I mention you look incredible?" Alex said leaning in to Olivia.

"Did I mention that those legs are killing me slowly?"

Alex grinned.

Mission accomplished.

"Hi there."

Handsome, well dressed in an expensive suit, cocktail in hand.

"How are you ladies this evening?"

He was confident, as he leaned in closer to Olivia, dominating the space over she and Alex.

They only both smiled politely.

Amused.

"Two beautiful woman sitting here at the bar… I would love to buy you your next drinks."

Suave.

Olivia looked at Alex raising her brow.

Alex gave an all-knowing grin.

"Not to be rude, but my girlfriend and I are trying to have a little date night, so if you don't mind…" Olivia said giving a slight lustful bite to her bottom lip.

Alex then as if on cue slid her hand along her lover's thigh.

Mr. Confident backed away, shaking his head.

All Olivia and Alex could hear was him mumbling something about 'go figure' as he walked away.

"I know you were dying to do that!" Alex said letting out a pleased laugh.

"The look on his face!" Olivia said amused.

"I think he thought he was going to score two chicks!" Alex joked.

"I guess we killed his hard on…"

They both laughed.

As Alex had yet to remove her hand from Olivia's thigh.

"Ms. Cabot, your table is ready."

Alex smiled waiting for Olivia to stand, gathering her drink as she followed.

Olivia reached back for Alex's hand.

The split second decision, a public display…

Their relationship.

Alex intertwined her fingers with Olivia's as they made their way through the restaurant to their table.

"Dinner was amazing!" Olivia said as she settled in to the back of the cab beside Alex.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Alex said, adoring the smile on Olivia's face.

They both sat quietly, watching the street lights go by as the cab made its way to Alex's apartment on the Upper East Side.

Olivia had slid her hand against Alex's bare thigh, letting her fingers graze back and forth against Alex's skin, teasing her short hemline.

Alex leaned in pressing her lips to the lobe of Olivia's ear. "I'm so in love with you." She said lingering.

Alex had to confess.

A smile spread across Olivia's face as she pulled Alex's body closer. "And I'm so in love with you."

"Hi Henry" They said almost in unison.

Henry was a perceptive man.

He had caught on.

"Good evening ladies. You both look very beautiful tonight."

"Date night." Alex said not skipping a beat.

"Ah well I hope you had a wonderful night..." He said with a smile, as the two disappeared on to the elevator.

"I really have had a wonderful night," Olivia said standing beside Alex on the elevator, her arm wrapped lazily around Alex's waist.

"Oh the night isn't over," Alex said, stealing a quick kiss to Olivia's bare shoulder.

Olivia grinned.

The door to the elevator opened.

"You didn't look in my bag did you?" Olivia said stepping off the elevator before Alex.

"I didn't look!" Alex said catching up with her. "I want to know what's in there!"

"The night isn't over Alexandra."

Two could play at this game.

"You're such a tease!" Alex joked, as she distractedly tried to open the door to her apartment.

Purses, keys, high heels… discarded.

"Benson, I want to know what's in the bag!"

"I told you it was a surprise." Olivia said nonchalantly.

Alex grabbed Olivia from behind, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"I don't like surprises!"

"Oh I think you might like this one." Olivia said, staying locked in her arms.

"You're not making this easy on me." Alex pouted.

"Then how about you start with the zipper of my dress." Olivia said seductively.

Olivia could almost hear Alex stop breathing in the silence.

Olivia felt Alex run her hands up the dress one last time before moving Olivia's hair to the side. Alex kissed Olivia on the back of her neck.

Chills

Alex pulled the zipper down a few inches and kissed the newly exposed skin. Another few inches and the satin and lace of Olivia's fuchsia bra was revealed.

Alex stopped admiring the color against Olivia's skin.

Olivia couldn't see the grin on Alex's face, but knew she had to be pleased the way Alex was taking her time.

Another kiss, another few inches.

A sound of pleasure unabashedly fell from Olivia's lips.

Alex had reached the small of Olivia's back and turned Olivia around and then reached, pulling the dress from Olivia's shoulders.

Olivia's skin and the color of her bra and her panties were insane.

A divine, rich color scheme.

Alex was biting her lip as she took her in.

"You're so beautiful."

Alex wanted to tell Olivia this over and over until she was sure she understood.

Alex slowly drug her hands down Olivia's body, every curve at her fingertips.

Olivia watched Alex touch her, tease her.

She reveled in the feel of electricity running through her.

Her knees felt week.

Her panties wet.

Olivia pulled Alex close to her.

"I have to know what's under that dress." Olivia said placing kisses at Alex's collarbone.

"Polka dots." Alex whispered… grinning.

"Love polka dots…" Olivia replied.

Alex reached up pulling the dress down off her shoulder, showing Olivia that she would have to "slink" out of it…

One shoulder bare, then another… a thin, lacey black bra revealed itself.

Olivia didn't wait to touch.

"Alexandra." Olivia said as she kissed Alex's shoulder and then slid the dress past her hips.

Matching thin, lacey black panties.

Fuck.

"To bed Olivia."

Olivia grinned as she followed Alex to bedroom.

Alex stopped at the end of the bed wanting to kiss Olivia again… "No…" Olivia said stopping her. "Sit." She said as Alex sat on the bed. "Your surprise."

Alex grinned.

"Scoot back," Olivia motioned as Alex made her way up the bed against the plush pillows.

"My bag?"

"Inside the closet."

"Wait for me." Olivia instructed as she left Alex lying there.

Oh Alex would wait.

Olivia came back only a minute later, her surprise held behind her back.

Alex still grinned.

"What it is it?!" Alex asked impatiently

Olivia's knees hit the bed and she crawled up the bed meeting Alex. Still on her knees she positioned herself between Alex's legs.

"Liv!" Alex said playfully now reaching for what was behind Olivia's back.

Olivia let her take it…

Alex looked wide-eyed at the silicone object that hung in place by thin leather straps.

She looked at Olivia.

The look in Olivia's eyes.

Olivia leaned on all fours over Alex.

"I want to fuck you."

Her voice low.

To the point.

Dirty.

Sexy.

Please.

Alex didn't say anything, only opened her legs underneath Olivia and smiled.

Olivia closed her eyes for a split second.

She had never done this, never strapped on a dildo and fucked woman.

But Jesus she wanted to fuck Alex. Get inside her, be as close to her as she physically could.

Olivia stood up on her knees, and Alex pulled at the soaked silk panties.

Past her knees, her ankles, panties to the floor.

Alex ran her thumb along Olivia's core, dipping slightly in to her folds to feel how wet she was.

She gave Olivia a satisfied look.

Alex grabbed the harness as Olivia stood beside the bed.

Alex helped Olivia slide the harness up her thighs and fasten it in to place.

They were both breathing intently, taking in their actions.

Alex stood on her knees at the edge of the bed, kissing Olivia passionately.

They kissed until the nerves that had seemingly over taken them before had gone.

Alex kissed down Olivia's neck, down the peaks of her breasts. She undid Olivia's bra and took the voluptuous breast in to her mouth, kissing and sucking…

Alex then kissed down Olivia's body, rubbing her hands back and forth against the dildo, making sure she got a teasing touch against Olivia's core.

"Fuck me." Alex finally said.

Olivia grinned, hungry.

She laid Alex back on the bed, climbing on top of her.

Olivia kissed Alex and continued down her body.

Olivia licked and nipped at Alex's hard nipples through the thin lace of her bra.

Olivia then quickly removed Alex's brand and had her mouth on her now bare breasts.

Alex's fingers tangled through Olivia's hair as Olivia drug the dildo down her body, followed by her lips.

Olivia reached for Alex's wet panties, soaking them even further with her mouth against the lace.

Alex whimpered.

Olivia grinned.

"Please Liv, please baby..."

Olivia hooked her fingers against Alex's panties, pulling them down her legs and letting them meet the floor near her own puddle of discarded apparel.

Back over her, Olivia held the dildo in her hands guiding it against Alex's wetness.

Another whimper.

Alex's core was glistening from how wet she was.

Olivia slid the tip of the dildo against Alex's clit several times coating it with Alex's wetness before guiding it to her entrance.

Alex raised her hips towards Olivia and took Olivia's hand and intertwined it with hers.

Connection.

Olivia pushed in to Alex, stopping letting her adjust the size of the dildo. Then a few more inches… until she was completely inside of her.

Alex wanted to kiss Olivia, ravishing her lips, tasting her…

They kissed recklessly as Olivia began to pump in and out of Alex, finding a rhythm as Alex now cupped Olivia's ass.

"Oh God baby" Alex said feeling Olivia against her.

Olivia focused on keeping her rhythm as the base of the strap on rubbed up against her with every thrust.

"This feels so good baby." Alex assured Olivia.

"Yes, yes it's so good," was all Olivia could manage.

Alex was pleased to see that their new toy was also pleasuring Olivia.

Alex reached her arms around Olivia's neck, holding on as Olivia continued to rhythmically pull in and out of her.

Olivia reached for Alex's clit, flicking it back and forth with her two fingers.

Alex moaned in pleasure, occasionally screaming, obscenities and Liv's name over and over.

"Oh God, Liv, baby I'm gonna come! Come with me, please come!"

Olivia's rhythm fastened pushing in and out of Alex's pleasuring herself as the strap on continued to press against her own clit as she rubbed Alex's.

Alex pushed herself in to Olivia.

Deeper, harder.

Alex began to quiver, her legs wanting to slam shut, forcing a larger thrust in to Olivia's clit.

Every breath, every moan… loud, unscripted and uncontrolled as they both came.

Olivia pulled out of Alex and for a few moments the both lie beside each other, regaining consciousness.

Bliss

Alex then sat up pulling the strap on off of Olivia.

She then leaned over Olivia, grazing her lips.

"Next time, we can have a little role reversal," Alex said grinning as she snuggled in to her lover.


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10

"**I never wanted to be your whole life – just your favorite part." - Unknown**

Once calculated moves were now thoughtless.

Leaning in to each other, a hand on the other's thigh… walking arm in arm.

Thoughtless.

Natural.

Easy.

It was no different in the bustling coffee shop.

"Pumpkin lattes are the best!"

Olivia laughed at the look of bliss that covered Alex's face, as she slumped in her chair swaddling her cup.

"You are hilarious."

"I have to wait until fall every year for these!" Alex defended. "You and your coffee are jealous of me and my pumpkin latte!"

Olivia laughed again shaking her head as she cut the scone in half and passed the other half to Alex.

"Thank you baby." Alex said simply taking the scone.

Olivia smiled.

Happy.

Happy to be here in a crowded coffee shop with Alex.

Alex slid her latte in front of Olivia and Olivia grinned, as she took a sip of the sugary goodness.

"See! Worth it!" Alex teased.

Olivia sat the cup back down, sliding the latte back to Alex.

Olivia let her fingers linger on Alex's hand.

It was Alex's turn to turn up the corner of her mouth in satisfaction.

He watched.

He watched how in sync they were. How they spoke and the fluidity of their movements, how they touched…

He watched.

He starred.

Olivia had avoided him for weeks.

She made excuses not to see him, or even be in the same room with him.

He noticed.

Watching her there, watching her with Alex, he understood why.

Shocked to say the least.

Not one to back down, Cassidy made his way in to the coffee shop.

Alex immediately saw him coming and pulled away from Olivia, sitting up straighter.

Posturing.

Olivia looked up at Alex and then behind her to the man now standing there.

"Liv, Alex…"

What were the damn chances?

Olivia swallowed hard.

Fuck.

No, no fuck.

Guilty.

She felt guilty.

She had tried to avoid Cassidy for weeks.

She hadn't told him why… or at least that "it was over" per Alex's request.

"Cassidy," Alex said speaking first.

Olivia would have preferred to crawl under the table than have this moment.

"You seem to be enjoying your morning together." Cassidy said with the emphasis on together.

He looked directly at Olivia.

"It's been a great morning." Alex said speaking up again.

Olivia thought of kicking Alex under the table.

Alex was astute. She understood the situation perfectly.

This was her way of making them both squirm.

"Liv, I haven't heard from you in a while… I guess uh you've been busy."

Such an ass.

"Yeah, I have been a little busy."

Come on Olivia grow some balls.

She quickly looked at Alex.

Though they had been less than discreet lately about their public displays of affection, they hadn't really discussed "outing themselves", especially to anyone they worked with.

"Um well I guess I'll let you two enjoy your breakfast. I'll see you around I guess."

Olivia wasn't giving in… but she also wasn't holding Alex or Cassidy back from saying anything about the big fat pink lesbian elephant in the room.

It was left up to them to start that conversation.

"Yeah have a great weekend." Olivia said finally, thanking God almighty for the reprieve.

Olivia had already turned her back, but Alex watched until Cassidy had disappeared from sight.

"He's gone. You can relax now." Alex said, with a tone.

Shit.

A tone Olivia had become familiar with over the years.

"You didn't tell him, you've just avoided him all this time. Good one Olivia."

Shit.

"Alex."

"We should probably go. I've lost my appetite."

"Alex, seriously?"

Not happy.

Alex had already stood up and didn't wait for Olivia to put her coat on…

Olivia caught up with her on the street.

"Alex!" Olivia said grabbing her by the arm, pulling her towards her. "Alex don't you think you're over reacting just a bit?"

"Overreacting?"

Olivia instantly regretted saying that word.

"I haven't seen Cassidy in weeks."

"Olivia it doesn't matter!" Alex got a hold of herself and lowered her voice. "He was still trying to get a hold of you, to get in bed with you, and you never called it off. You never said, I can't sleep with you anymore because I have someone else. That someone that is in love with you, committed to you!"

Before Olivia could open her mouth to argue Alex had walked away, back towards her apartment.

"Alex?"

Alex kept walking and Olivia followed.

Silent treatment until they were back in the apartment.

Alex slammed down her keys, her bag.

"Alex I didn't want contact with Cassidy, I didn't…"

"Olivia! I asked you, I asked you to tell him it was over. To get rid of your fucking back up plan! I promised to be with you, not hurt you… Do you remember that? God! I told you this wasn't some fucking joke, that I wanted you. I asked you to want me, to need me, just me!"

Shit.

Olivia realized what she had done.

Subconsciously.

She thought avoiding Cassidy was a good idea, instead she just validated Alex's theory.

Alex's theory that Cassidy was Olivia's back up plan…

"I'm sorry." Olivia said her voice low.

Alex shook her head.

"The way he looked at us… even then you couldn't tell him that youwere with me. He was waiting for you to say it, he saw us and you couldn't…"

"Alex what was I suppose to do in the middle of the coffee shop? What was I suppose to say? Oh hey Cassidy, sorry to have been avoiding you, but yeah I'm not really in to fucking any more. And oh by the way Alex is my girlfriend! Jesus Alex!"

Both glared at the other.

Alex finally pulled off her coat.

She was trying to cool down, gather her thoughts.

Olivia then removed her jacket and sat on the arm of the couch while Alex paced.

She decided she would win the silent game.

She did.

Alex finally stopped pacing and looked at Olivia.

"Not telling Cassidy," she said in a eerily calm voice, "Not telling him it was over, means just that, that it's not over. Or at least that's what it feels like to me. That's why I'm angry, why I'm hurt. You didn't tell him it was over and for all I know he's still someone in your back pocket in case this all goes wrong."

"That's not why I didn't tell Cassidy…"

"Then why? You thought avoiding him would just make him go away?"

"Maybe…"

"I thought we had really made a big step the last couple of weeks. I really thought we were in this relationship together…"

"We are, we are in this together. It's not like I have been cheating on you with him. I just didn't know how to have the conversation."

"You say, Cassidy we can't fuck anymore!" Alex said coldly.

"Alex, Cassidy and I don't talk. We don't have a relationship, we don't communicate! We slept together when it's convienent. He asks do you wanna fuck? And what do I say? Oh no sorry I don't want to anymore. He would ask why..."

"You could tell him why!" Alex fought back.

"Tell him what? That I can't sleep with him anymore because I love Alex Cabot?! Alex no one knows about us!"

Alex stood there and starred at Olivia.

"You love me?"

Olivia hadn't realized her confession had been blurted out so recklessly.

The truth.

"Yes. I love you... Alex, I've love you as my best friend, I fell in love with you… and I love you, love you the way I've never loved anyone else."

The lump settled in Alex throat.

Tears had welled up in her eyes.

She now qualified as an emotional wreck.

"I fucking hate when you do that." Alex said wiping at the tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

That wasn't exactly what Olivia predicted Alex would say.

"I fucking hate when I'm so pissed at you, for doing something that makes me so mad, so hurt and then you fucking say you love me!"

"I'm not going to apologize for saying that I love you Alex. Sure I would have hoped to have said it when you weren't pissed at me, but I said it, I meant it."

Alex squeezed her eyes shut, pulling her glasses from her face.

"I need a minute." Alex said finally.

"I can go."

"No, no you're not going anywhere. Nobody's leaving anyone. I just need a minute to let all of this process."

Olivia shook her head, understanding.

Alex made her way back to the bedroom, leaving Olivia there.

'Good one Olivia.'

Alex needed more than a minute.

She laid down in bed, curling her body against her self.

The smell of Olivia consumed her.

Her shampoo on the pillowcase, the perfume from her body on the sheets.

Alex had to get her thoughts straight.

She was a sensible woman.

Scratch that.

She was sensible until it came to Olivia.

Alex knew what she was getting in to that moment she confessed her feeling to Olivia, the moment Olivia put her lips to hers… she knew.

She knew Olivia's past. She knew how she dealt with things, her life.

Alex was sure she could be the one person that made Olivia understand what it feels like to be loved, to be worshiped…

But Alex was afraid she might be just another someone.

Another person who tried and failed to actually conquer the thing that left a gapping hole, an ever-reminding scar that Olivia carried around.

The thing that turned Alex sideways the most, the thing that made her have to walk away, to think it through, was Olivia telling her she loved her.

She knew.

Alex knew that was not something Olivia just said.

Those words. Those three words Alex was sure Olivia had said maybe to a handful of people in her lifetime.

Including Alex.

And Olivia was right, every one of those people (Alex being the exception)were no longer in her life.

So just when Alex was second guessing her abilities to have Olivia's heart, Olivia said I love you.

Shit.

Alex looked up to see Olivia in the doorway.

She was biting her lip nervously.

"I am sorry." Olivia said sincerely.

"I know. I know. And I'm sorry I reacted the way I did." Alex said, motioning for her to come get in bed beside her.

Olivia kicked off her shoes and slid in to bed facing Alex.

"I understand why you reacted the way you did. I get how it seems, and it was never my intentions to ever go back to Cassidy or make you feel like I had some backup plan... I am in this relationship with you Alex, all the way. I do love you."

A tear fell down Alex's cheek and Olivia reached to wipe it away.

"I lose my mind when it comes to you. I've never been the jealous type, I've never worried so much about having and not having someone. I fell in love with you, what I realized was a long time ago. And yes, it just took me years to act on it, to get up the nerve to confess... So now that I have you, I will do anything to protect what we have. I find myself wanting to be the best you've ever had. And I don't mean that just physically, I mean I want to be the person that fills up where you feel empty. I want to be everything you need, I love you Olivia Benson that much."

It was Olivia's turn to cry and Alex swiped the tears running down her cheeks, cupping Olivia's face in her hands.

Alex leaned in kissing Olivia softly, then holding her forehead to Olivia's.

This only seemed to make the tears fall faster down Olivia's cheeks.

"I love you baby, I love you so much. Alex said reassuringly as she kissed Olivia again and again.


	11. Chapter 11

**You're reviews are getting better and better! Thank you so much for your thoughts! -M**

Ch. 11

"**Home is wherever I'm with you."**

It had been a bad day.

It had been a rough couple of days, but today was a bad day.

Alex watched as she blinked back the tears. She watched the slight tremble in her hand.

Alex couldn't hold her, console her the way she wanted to.

Nick threw his arm around her shoulders, held her steady for moment.

That's what partners did.

A little boy dead, and there in the middle of the squad room it wasn't Alex's place to hold Olivia.

Cragen had advised Nick and Olivia to take the rest of the day…

Neither argued this time.

It was too heinous, too much.

Days of intensely searching for this little boy only to find him a little too late.

He was 5.

It was too much.

Alex had been called in, she would have to deal with the aftermath of everything that happened that day.

Professionally and personally.

Olivia didn't go home, she went to Alex's.

Though Alex wasn't home, she didn't feel so alone there.

She felt apart of someone there.

She didn't want to feel alone.

Not today.

Olivia made her way in to Alex's apartment, and to the bedroom where she quickly discarded her clothes leaving herself in only her bra and panties.

Olivia crawled in to the unmade bed from the night before.

Pulling the covers over her, she clinched her eyes shut.

She was so tired.

Worn.

After days of searching, days of worrying.

She was so tired.

Olivia's eyes closed, blocking out the afternoon sun.

Olivia awoke to the sound of her name.

"Liv? Baby are you here?"

Before Olivia could answer, Alex was standing in the doorway.

"I was hoping I would find you here… you didn't answer your phone."

"Sorry I fell asleep," Olivia said looking up the dark rimmed glasses. "What time is it?"

"Around 6:30."

"I didn't mean to sleep so…"

"You needed the rest." Alex protested as she sat on the bed beside Olivia. "I'm glad you got some sleep."

Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's long hair.

"Any chance I could persuade you to get in bed with me?" Olivia said with a slight smile.

"No persuasion needed my love." Alex said giving Olivia a quick kiss and kicking off her heels and pulling her crisp button down from the confines of her black pencil skirt.

She stood up, throwing her clothes over the back of the nearby chair. Alex left on her panties and pulled on a tank top, then crawling in to bed in beside Olivia.

Olivia's body was soft and warm underneath the covers.

"Hmm you feel so good." Alex said snuggling against her.

Olivia took her lover's hand in hers.

"I missed you today."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here this afternoon."

"Everything ok?"

"We have plenty of evidence."

"I can't believe his own mother…"

"I know."

"If they didn't want him, why didn't they just give him away? Give him to someone how wants a child, who would take care of him, love him?"

"I know baby, I don't know why either."

Children hit her the hardest.

The ones that were thrown away like trash.

In Olivia's own desperation to be a mother, her failed attempts, failed chances, it made it harder and harder to comprehend parents, a mother purposefully causing the death of her own child.

Alex understood this.

"I'm sorry, I know this is so hard."

"It doesn't get easier. All these years… it just gets harder."

Alex knew it did.

They lay there in silence, Alex holding on to her.

Holding her the way she so desperately wanted to in the squad room today.

Alex began to drag her fingers lazily down Olivia's body.

She wanted to make Olivia forget her day, make her feel better, safe.

She would go at Olivia's pace, but she wanted Olivia to feel her on her skin.

She grazed her skin back and forth, placing slow lingering kisses to Olivia lips.

They kissed, and kissed.

Kissed as if they were two teenagers making out, hungry just to taste.

Their kisses to became more and more impatient.

Alex's fingers still roamed, and when she came near Olivia's center, Olivia parted her legs a bit further, letting Alex know what she wanted.

Alex sat up, leaning in to continue to kiss Olivia.

Alex slithered down the bed, making her way between Olivia's legs.

She pulled Olivia's panties off of her hips, down her thighs… to the floor.

Olivia's breath hitched at the cool air against her hot center.

Alex kissed the inside of Olivia's knees, slow and purposeful.

Alex's fingers then seeped into Olivia's folds exploring her already swollen clit, and then quickly reaching to push two fingers inside of her.

She would make Olivia forget her day.

"Watch me baby," was all Alex said as she began to push and pull her fingers out of her lover.

Olivia moaned, as Alex pushed further in to her.

Alex continued to fuck her with her fingers as Olivia tried to keep focus.

Alex then pulled out, slowly coated Olivia with the endless wetness, from Olivia's clit to her anus.

Alex moved further down the bed, still with an intense look on Olivia.

Not hesitating, she plunged her tongue into Olivia's wet pussy, she pushed the back of Olivia's thighs against her shoulders, spreading her legs further apart.

Olivia let out a harsh, hitched breath at the sensation.

"Fuck, baby… oh fuck!" Was all Olivia could say as Alex continued to be relentless as she devoured her.

Alex pushed her tongue in and out of Olivia, then lapped up the juices she had spread all over her, before settling her mouth on Olivia's clit.

Sucking and licking attentively, Alex never gave a moment of reprieve.

She wanted Olivia to come and come hard.

Olivia only got wetter, coating Alex's mouth.

"Oh God baby, I'm coming, please keep going… please…" Olivia said as her body began to shutter around Alex's tongue.

Her hands buried in long blonde hair.

Alex's took one last suck, one last kiss to Olivia's clit, sending another shutter through Olivia's body.

"God, baby!"

The sight of Olivia breathing heavily, trying to catch her breath, the sight of the sweat that beaded on her chest, her belly, between her thighs…

Alex crawled up Olivia's body, kissing her damp skin, pulling the sheet with her to cover them.

Alex settled her thigh against Olivia's till soaked sex.

"I love you baby." Alex said kissing Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia grinned, "I love you so much."

Mission accomplished, a grin across her love's face.

Alex reached for the hooks on Olivia's bra, releasing and taking Olivia's full breasts in to her hands.

She kneaded her breasts, capturing her hard nipples between her fingers as she kissed the back of Olivia's neck and shoulders.

"You're so good for me." Olivia said reveling in the feel of Alex's lips on her.

Alex pulled at Olivia, to have her now face her.

They kissed again, softly.

Olivia was running her hands down Alex's side, swirling her fingers at the silk on her hips.

Alex looked at Olivia, soaking in her touch.

"I really was so happy to find you here. I'm glad you came home."

Home.

Olivia gave a shy smile.

"I didn't want to be alone, I just wanted to here, it felt right, better than going to my place…"

Alex swiped at the bangs that had fallen in Olivia's eyes.

"I want you to be here with me."

"I was planning on staying…" Olivia said confused.

"No, I mean live here, with me. I want this to be your home."

"Alex. "

"I mean if you want to, I know it's a big step, I know that we haven't been… I just think…"

"Alex..." Olivia said stopping her rambling, She smiled. "You sure you can come home to this everyday? I mean, as you know I can be a handful."

"I want nothing more than to come home to you every day Liv."

Olivia kissed Alex and shook her head.

"Is that yes?" Alex said grinning.

"That's a yes." Olivia said kissing Alex again.

Olivia still lay beside Alex, now running her hands over her breasts, under the thin tank top. Olivia then slid down Alex's thin frame to her silk panties.

Olivia took Alex's thigh, pulling it over her own hip.

Olivia ran her hands down Alex's ass, then reaching from behind, tugged slightly at Alex's panties. Olivia pushed her panties to the side, gaining access to Alex's wetness.

Olivia took a deep breath in and out feeling how wet Alex was.

Olivia dipped her fingers inside Alex, her wetness covering her fingers.

Feeling her wet panties against the back of her hand.

Olivia looked at Alex and grinned as her fingers began to move lazily back and for against her clit.

Alex couldn't handle the constraints of her underwear anymore and she yanked at the sides of her panties trying desperately to get them off so Olivia could have better access.

Olivia helped Alex get her panties off and then her fingers went right back to Alex's clit.

Alex began moving with Olivia's fingers, her body pushing in to Olivia's.

Alex buried the tips of her fingers in to Olivia's shoulders as Olivia's other hand, reached around Alex's body, holding her against her at the now exposed skin as her tank had ridden under her breasts.

Holding on.

Both were holding on.

Olivia's finger wet, relentless.

Alex began to slow down, trying desperately to take control of her body as she was about to come.

"Let go baby… just let go…"

She did.

Alex came hard against Olivia, trapping Olivia's hand tightly between her thighs.

Alex didn't move, her body buzzed as Olivia's fingers were still pressed tightly against her clit.

Olivia wouldn't let go, wouldn't move as long as Alex needed her there.

Alex soon opened her legs, pulling her leg from atop of Olivia's hip.

Alex rolled over laughing.

Olivia grinned at the bliss that fell from Alex's mouth.

Olivia pulled Alex's naked body against hers.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered against the side of Alex's head.

"Thank you for what?" Alex asked with a smile.

"For making everything better."

"I don't know that I can make everything better, but I know I just want to make you always feel better."

Olivia bit her bottom lip, taking in the blonde beside her.

"I love you so much." Alex grinned, holding the palm of her love's hand against her heart.

By the time Alex next looked at the clock it was a little after 8.

"Pizza from Sal's?" Olivia asked knowing Alex had to be starving and amazed she hadn't mentioned how hungry she was by now.

"Yes, please!" Alex said excitedly.

They both got out of bed.

Olivia slid on a pair of pajama shorts and a t-shirt from "her drawer".

Alex slid on her own pajama pants and t-shirt.

Olivia ordered pizza and Alex poured them a glass of wine.

Olivia sat on a bar stool taking her first sip.

"What?" Olivia asked, looking at Alex

"I really did mean what I said earlier. I want to come home to you everyday. Days like today, there not so few and far between for us… The thought of having you by my side every night makes it easier."

"I'm not going to lie, it's a little scary, moving in here. I mean you're stuck with me. Nowhere to hide!"

Olivia teased, but Alex understood what she was saying.

"I know I'm asking you to give up your apartment, and you can move in anything you want. I just don't want to be… I don't want to be without you anymore."

Olivia gave a slight smile running her fingers around the rim of her glass.

Thinking.

"I started walking home today. I thought by the time I got there I would be fine to walk up those stairs, to climb in to my own bed… And I walked another block, and then got in a cab and here I was…"

"When I saw you here, saw you lying in bed, that's when I knew it was ok to ask you to move in. I think I knew you wanted to be here, hopefully as much as I want you to be here."

Alex grinned as she leaned over the counter, stealing a kiss.

"This is happening? I mean we're not treading lightly here. This is serious!"

"I don't make hasty decisions Liv, I think everything through." Alex said amused how she knew herself. "I love you, I know now I've been in love with you for a long time. My life with you feels right. My life finally feels right."

Olivia had forgotten to breath.

She couldn't control the tears that had welled up in her eyes and the lump in her throat.

Alex loved her.

Loved her.

Olivia reached for Alex's hand locking her fingers in her own.

Alex came around the counter, Olivia still holding Alex's hand in hers.

A tear finally fell down Olivia's cheek.

Alex shook her head assuring her.

"I love you." Olivia said, pulling Alex's hand to her mouth, holding the back of her hand to her lips.

Alex ran her other hand down Olivia's tear stained cheek.

Life had changed.

Love had changed them.

Alex pulled her second slice of pizza from the box, snuggling her feet back under Olivia and the plush blanket in the couch.

"I called him. Cassidy I called him." Olivia said sitting down her plate.

Alex looked at Olivia, waiting…

"I asked him did he want to grab a drink. I figured it was time we talked. I need to tell him, or confirm I guess, about us. I think you were right about me not talking to him, it's not that I think I really I owe it to him, but I owe it to you. "Olivia said looking at Alex intently. "I guess I just want to make sure it's ok with you that I tell him, tell him how much I love you. I mean it's not like we've told anyone…"

Alex smiled, no grinned.

"I can't say I'm not really happy that you are talking to him. And as far as you telling him about us, you and I are in this together so whatever comes our way by people knowing about us… nothing matters as long as I'm with you at the end of the day. And besides, I don't have to worry about you spilling too much, you're more private about your love life than I am!"

"Oh I am! Little miss I wanna make out with a girl confession!" Olivia teased, giving a hearty laugh.

"Liv, I like that we keep our lives private. I like that it's you and me. But, I also know people are going to figure us out, especially when you change your address to mine!" Alex said wide-eyed. "So if telling, or confirming with Cassidy is what spills the beans about our relationship, I can handle it. I will tell everyone how much I love you."

Olivia now lay on the couch snuggling her body next to Alex.

Alex wrapped her arms around her love.

"Feels like home." Olivia said closing her eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

Ch. 12.

"**When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change, 'cause you're amazing just the way you are" – B. Mars**

"So we meet again." Cassidy said swirling the ice in his drink before taking another sip.

His first drink almost gone.

"Inevitable I guess." Olivia teased sitting on the barstool beside him.

"It's good to see you again. I gotta say I was a little surprised when you called the other day. Didn't exactly think we were on speaking terms…"

"We've always been on speaking terms. I just needed some space."

"Space? Didn't look like Alex was giving you much space the morning in the coffee shop."

Blatant.

To the Point.

Olivia had yet to find a come back.

The bartender placed a whiskey in front of Olivia.

"I took the liberty of ordering you a drink… unless you've switched your drink preference too."

Olivia turned to Cassidy giving him a sharp look.

"Look Liv, you and me, we're not in some relationship, but I mean you could at least have mentioned you were diggin' chicks now."

Olivia looked at Cassidy again, taking a sip of her drink.

"Not chicks… a woman."

Cassidy raised his brow.

"I stand corrected, Olivia Benson has it bad for Alex Cabot. Can't say I'm not a little surprised, didn't expect to get turned down for Alex. I mean I expected you find a better man than me but, guess you found a better woman."

"Cassidy you know what we were..."

"Yeah"

"Guess asking for a three some would be out of the question?"

"You never change." She said dryly.

"And yes it's completely out the question."

Cassidy couldn't help but grin.

"You really in to her, I mean I'm sure the sex is hot but… it's not just sex?"

"It's not."

"So you're in love with her?" He asked his curiosities peaked.

"Yeah I am."

"I care about you Olivia, you know that… you're an amazing woman. And I'm happy for you. You deserve it. Whoever it is… I mean people like us, we need people like Alex. Good, stable, you know… those people."

Olivia gave Cassidy a small smile.

Alex was one of those people.

And people like she and Cassidy did need those people.

Stability.

The ability to love.

"Guess you should get out of here. Go home to Alex. I wouldn't want her to worry."

"Are we good?" Olivia asked taking the last sip of her drink.

"Yeah we're good."

"You sticking around?"

"Yeah I've just been ditched my sexy bed buddy. Need time to mourn."

"I'm sure you'll get over me." Olivia said sarcastically as she stood up, gathering her purse, her coat.

"Hey Liv…"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to worry about me telling you business to the guys. I mean it's worth having the fantasy of your sexiness and the hot blonde all to myself."

Olivia rolled her eyes, leaning in to give Cassidy quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'll see you around. Take care of yourself."

"Yeah, you too. Bye Liv."

He watched her go.

Smooth sailing.

A chill ran down Olivia's spine.

The thought that everything felt right, that everything was falling in to place made her nervous.

Life was not typically that kind.

Life was not typically a love story.

"Hey you can let me out at the corner," Olivia said to the Cabbie looking back at her in the rearview mirror.

"Ms., you sure?"

"Yes, thanks."

The Cabbie pulled over, letting Olivia out of cab a few blocks from Alex's.

Alex's apartment.

She and Alex's apartment.

She needed to walk. She needed a little more time.

Nothing was wrong.

It was too right.

It made her nervous.

Olivia pulled her coat closer around her neck as the night air started to seep through her jacket.

She would have to have the conversation with Cragen soon about her relationship with Alex.

Soon everyone would know.

Alex was right, she kept her private life more private than Alex even did.

And though Alex said she was prepared for whoever knew about them, Olivia suddenly wondered if she was.

Would it ruin the little fairytale she and Alex had created?

Was part of the reason why they worked because the outside world hadn't interfered?

And then what?

A thousand thoughts.

Everyone knows… she moves in with Alex… and happy ever after? She gets all she ever wanted? Or mostly everything she ever wanted…

And what about Alex? What does she want?

And she was certain all Alex would want, she could never fully give her.

Thinking too much.

Henry saw Olivia turn the corner and held the door open for her.

"Good evening Ms. Benson. Getting colder out here."

She asked Henry to please call her Olivia. He refused, said she was a lady…

"It is.. I hope you're having a good evening."

Small talk.

"I am, hope the same for you. Ms. Cabot hasn't been home too long."

Olivia smiled at Henry as she made her way on to the elevator.

"Thanks Henry. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Ms. Benson."

He returned the smile.

Olivia turned the key in the door.

The apartment smelled amazing.

The lights low, candles illuminating the apartment.

Warm.

"Hi baby."

God, she was good.

A beautiful smile wrapped in a grey sweatshirt and pajama shorts.

A kiss.

An unrelenting press of her lips to her love.

Olivia dropped her bag, pulling off her coat.

"How did it go with Cassidy?"

"It went fine. Think he's a little jealous that I get to be with the "hot blonde"."

"Right! I think we know who's Cassidy's type!" Alex teased.

"He said he was happy I has found someone that I was in love with."

"Cassidy? Really?"

"He has a good heart, just a bit of a ruff exterior. I mean he also asked could we have a three-some…"

Alex gave a quick grin shaking her head.

Alex had promised herself she wouldn't prod for any more details. Olivia had seen Cassidy for her…

She would leave it alone.

"I made dinner, just some pasta." Alex said changing the subject.

"Sounds good." Olivia said giving a small smile.

Alex couldn't help but notice her somber mood.

"You ok?"

Alex asked pulling Olivia closer.

"Just thinking."

"Ok."

"I'm going to go change."

Alex stepped away, giving her room.

"I'll finish getting dinner ready." Alex said puzzled and letting her go.

She watched as Olivia made her way across the room and down the hall.

A few minutes later Olivia appeared from the bedroom, sans make-up, bare feet, pajama pants, and a t-shirt with the words Harvard Law that stretch snuggly across her chest.

Alex caught herself biting her lip as she saw her girlfriend now standing in the kitchen with her.

"Oh, is it ok I wear this shirt, I need to get more t-shirts from my apartment…"

Alex grinned.

"Um you… you can wear that t-shirt every day if you want. It looks…" Alex blatantly looked at Olivia's breast, "amazing on you."

Olivia smiled shyly shaking her head.

"You're just as bad as Cassidy."

"Ha! Take that back!" Alex laughed.

Olivia helped Alex get dinner to the table.

"Oh and Cassidy said he wouldn't say anything..."

Olivia's face serious.

"About us?"

"Yeah."

Alex studied Olivia's face and the way she was pushing her pasta side to side on her plate.

"Liv?"

Olivia looked up at her.

"Is there something we need to talk about? You've been off since you walked in the door. Did something happen with Cassidy?"

Alex swore she wouldn't dig in to her and Cassidy's conversation.

"No… no everything is fine with Cassidy."

"So what's going on? Is this about us? Liv is this about people knowing about us?"

Alex had pushed her dinner away.

"No it's not about… it's just I think I'm a little more worried about people knowing about us than I realized."

"About being with me?"

"About them knowing about us and ruining what we have."

"Baby, do you think people knowing of our relationship will come between us?"

"I just know that what you and I have feels so perfect and so good, and I think I've just gotten used to having you as my secret little safe haven…"

"I won't let that happen..."

"Alex you can't…"

"Liv, baby I love you. And this relationship is real. And there will be things and people that will make waves in our relationship, but I'm in this for you and only you. You are first in my life."

"But don't you feel like this is too perfect?"

This was the real Olivia Benson.

"We're not perfect." Alex teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Olivia smiled.

"I just mean. You and I, we just happened and here we are…"

"Do you think we're going too fast?"

"No… I think I'm just scared it will all end. I'm so in love with you and what if it all goes away like everything else? What if it gets too complicated, and I'm not what you need. I mean I know I can't give you everything you need."

"Olivia! Liv what are you talking about? You're everything to me. You give me everything I want!"

"Now, you think that now." Olivia said shaking her head, "but what about in the future? What if you want things that I can't give you?"

"Liv, I don't understand. Why do you think you aren't giving me everything, or that you won't…"

"Alex! It just never…"

"Never what?"

"People, no matter how much you love them. It doesn't last forever. I, I'll disappoint you one day and it will be over."

Alex looked at Olivia.

Olivia believed the insane things that were coming out of her mouth.

Her past had failed her.

"Liv, I just don't understand where this is coming from. Why do you think this will be over?"

"I just… I love you. I love you and, and..."

Alex stood up from her chair pulling Olivia to stand with her.

"Baby?"

Olivia looked frightened.

"I have no intentions of breaking my own heart or yours, I have no intentions of us not living an amazing life together."

"I won't be enough."

"Liv you are enough! What brought this on?"

"I was just thinking. It all will snowball. People will find out about us, we'll move in together, it will get complicated… and you'll tire of my antics and you'll resent me because I can't give you a better life."

"Olivia what are you saying?"

"I can never give you a life that you're accustom to."

"Olivia Benson, I can give myself the life I'm accustom to. I want a life with you and what life has to offer with you. I don't know what our future will be like, but I plan on it being with you! Marriage, babies… whatever comes or way, my plan is with you!"

Olivia looked at Alex startled.

"You want to get married? Have babies with me?"

"Yes, I mean I've never really been overly concerned with being married and I'm kind of good with kids, I mean I have nieces and they seem to like me… But you want these things. I know you have always wanted a baby, soI want what you want."

Olivia's mouth was open.

She physically backed away from Alex.

"Liv I'm sorry, if that's all too much. I just want you to understand."

Olivia sat down on the couch.

Thinking.

Why wouldn't she stop thinking?

She was quiet.

She took a moment before looking at the woman who was now sitting on the coffee table in front of her.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"For freaking out."

"Yeah you freaked out. But that's ok." Alex said with a soft smile. "Liv you have to understand you are my love, and I'm with you, for you. I want my life with you."

"Alex I just don't have a good track record…"

"Liv, I can't make the things in your past disappear. But I want to be your future. I want to be apart of the life you want. "

"How are you so sure I'm enough?"

"Because when I see you it takes my breath away. I can't believe how beautiful and how sexy you are. You're this incredible woman who is so smart and funny and sometimes a little too brave… How could you not be enough for me?"

"You're good for my ego." Olivia joked.

Alex leaned in kissing Olivia.

"I need you to understand that whatever happens, at the end of the day this is you and me baby."

Olivia smiled, pulling Alex to straddle her lap.

"Thank you for talking me off the ledge." Olivia said running her hands up Alex's bare thighs.

"Anytime," Alex said with a grin.

"It's me and you baby." Olivia said whispering Alex's word's before they kissed again and again.


	13. Chapter 13

CH. 13.

"**Come on get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips, just pull me down hard, and drown me in love" - "Come On Get Higher"/M. Nathanson**

They both had gotten used to the afternoon phone call.

The one where Olivia or Alex would call the other and say they had to work late… they wouldn't be home until… in the middle of a case…

It was part of the job.

Tonight it was Olivia's turn to call, say she couldn't the make dinner they had planned, she wasn't sure when she would be home.

Part of the job.

Alex had actually gotten home at a reasonable time. She ended up picking up some take-out, saving some for Olivia just in case she came home not having had dinner…

Alex even took the time to soak in the tub a few minutes, even though her mind was still occupied with the day.

She crawled in to bed; reaching for the Travel Magazine she was uncertain why she even bothered subscribing to.

Her mind had gone over the case she was in the middle of a million times… she needed a distraction and her preferred distraction wasn't home to help.

Alex settled in bed to read.

A quiet Tuesday evening.

It wasn't long before Alex heard Olivia come in.

"I'm in bed!"

Alex couldn't see as the smile that appeared on Olivia's face.

Olivia left her coat by the door and followed the light of the bedroom down the hall and stopped at the doorway.

Alex looked up to see sparkling dark eyes holding a bundle of flowers in her hands.

Oranges, purples and yellows.

"Liv?"

Alex looking at her simple smile.

"For you." Olivia said meeting Alex at the side of the bed.

"You brought me flowers?"

"I'm sorry I missed dinner again."

"They're beautiful! But you didn't have to bring me flowers, I understand..."

"I wanted to. I saw them on my way home and thought of you."

"Thank you baby." Alex said reaching in for her first kiss of the evening.

Olivia couldn't help but touch Alex, run her hands up her long bare thighs as her lips reached her loves.

"I'll put these in water. And then I would love to join you." Olivia said grinning.

Alex looked at Olivia wide eyed, "Hurry."

Olivia found a vase for the flowers and brought them back to Alex, sitting them on her bedside table.

"Thank you baby." Alex said again, reaching for another quick kiss.

Olivia started to undress.

She knew Alex was watching and Olivia found herself making sure Alex had a clear view.

She didn't mind the blue eyes on her.

Olivia found a t-shirt to put on and then crawled in to a waiting bed.

She settled in beside Alex resting her head on her shoulder.

"You keep reading about all these places, but you never take a vacation!" Olivia teased.

"I know. At this point I think it's therapeutic for me to read about the places I want to go since I don't seem to be getting there anytime soon."

Alex began to lazily drag her fingers up and down Olivia's arm.

A now quiet Tuesday evening for the both of them.

"We should go on vacation." Olivia said distracted by Alex fingertips.

"You want to go on vacation? I've probably been on vacation since you have!"

"I know, but maybe its time we should actually take a vacation. I never really had a reason to go, and now we're together I want to do and see everything with you."

Alex leaned down kissing the crown of Olivia's head.

"If we could go anywhere, where would you want to go?" Alex asked inquisitively.

"South of France... Italy, Spain. Honestly, at this point I wouldn't mind a few days by a lake."

"Didn't take you for the outdoorsy type Detective."

"Ha, yeah not in the least, but the quiet would be nice. And the uninterrupted time with you would definitely be nice."

"Now I like that idea, wherever we are!" Alex said as she went back to reading the article and absentmindedly tracing Olivia's skin with her fingertips.

Olivia teased the skin under the hem of Alex's t-shirt as she peered over her shoulder skimming the article Alex was reading.

Fire smoldering…

Olivia's hands roamed further, fingers dipping under the waistband of Alex's panties.

"I'm trying to read." Alex teased, peering at her lover through her dark rimmed glasses.

"I know." Olivia answered devilishly. "You can keep reading."

"You're distracting! I've read the same sentence five times."

Olivia grinned and Alex pretended to ignore her and go back to her reading.

Olivia hand rose further up this time, reaching Alex's breast, circling her nipple, until it was hard between her fingers.

"Olivia!"

"You want me to stop?"

Alex raised her brow.

Of course she didn't.

Permission.

Olivia sat up kissing her love, then slid further down the bed.

Olivia never took her eyes from Alex's.

Pushing Alex's legs apart, she settled between them.

"I want you." Olivia said seductively.

The article forgotten.

Alex looked down at her lover's dark eyes staring back at her.

"Can't help it." Olivia confessed.

Alex reached, cupping Olivia's cheek.

Still so quiet, only the rustling of sheets below them.

Olivia kissed her palm.

And then her hip bone, then Olivia's lips drug across Alex's ivory stomach, her belly button, her ribs, back down her sides…

A mouth methodical, slow, hungry.

Olivia pushed the t-shirt Alex was wearing further up, dragging her tongue under each of Alex's breasts, sucking her nipples, taking what she could of Alex's breasts in her mouth.

Olivia could hear her lover sigh, surrendering.

Olivia pushed the t-shirt once again, wanting it off.

Alex helped her, pulling the t-shirt over her head, discarding it to the floor.

Alex reached to put her glasses on the bedside table.

"Leave em' on… I want you to be able to see everything I'm doing."

Alex gave a lazy, sexy grin as she put her glasses back on and settled back against the warm, plush pillows.

Olivia sat up on her knees, pulling her own t-shirt from her body, letting Alex soak in her nakedness.

Alex reached to touch Olivia's bare skin, her voluptuous breasts.

Biting her lip in anticipation.

Olivia's hands went to Alex hips. Dragging her fingers, she looped the waist of Alex's panties. Alex lifted her hips letting Olivia pull the silk down her thighs and then dropping them to the floor.

Olivia traced the palms of her hands down Alex's long legs, down her inner thighs, stopping before she reached her glistening folds.

She then settled back down in between Alex's legs, dragging her stomach across Alex's wet core.

Alex let out a moan when she felt her center meeting Olivia's skin.

Again Olivia kissed, and licked, and sucked Alex's skin beneath her.

Alex's neck to her collarbone, down each of her shoulders, again reveling in Alex's breasts one by one.

No sense of urgency, just lust.

A quiet Tuesday night.

Back down her stomach, Alex arched her body closer to Olivia's mouth.

One hand in Olivia's hair, another gripping the pillow behind her.

"God, I love you!" Alex breathed.

Olivia only grinned looking up at her.

Tiny kisses down perfect skin, to perfectly shaved lower lips…

Olivia parted Alex's folds with her fingers and ever so purposefully dipped her tongue into the pooling wetness that had been waiting anxiously for her.

Her lips glistened with Alex's wetness, her tongue lapping up everything Alex had to give.

Olivia spread Alex's long legs even further apart.

"Liv, baby… "

That was all Olivia needed to hear as she plunged her tongue inside of Alex as far as she could go.

Alex's body bucked at the sensation, instinctively holding Olivia's head as she pushed in and out of her.

"Oh God… yes, please… Oh fuck…"

Alex was loosing her eloquence.

Alex would tell Olivia later she was the most amazing and talented person she had ever met and where did she learned to do what she was doing with her tongue!

"Fuck, ah Liv!" Alex breathed.

Olivia replaced her tongue with two fingers to go deeper inside of Alex.

Alex wreathed at the new sensation inside her body.

Olivia back to her knees, continued to fuck her, curling her finger tips inside her.

Her mouth back on Alex…

Her tongue lapping teasingly at, and around Alex's clit.

Alex trying to breath…"fuck," was all she could still manage to say.

Olivia wouldn't stop until her lover begged her to.

Teasing licks and the rhythmic flick of her tongue.

Olivia's fingers swirling in and out of her.

"Baby I'm so close, please, please…. Uh, Umm…"

Shutters

A loud voice of pleasure and a breath taking orgasm.

"Olivia… Olivia!" Alex screamed at the height of ecstasy as she locked her thighs around her lover.

Olivia pulled her fingers out of Alex; she kissed her swollen pussy gently, giving Alex an aftershock.

Alex's chest heaved as she tried to steady her breath.

Olivia traced her wet fingers down the center of Alex's body, then trailed her tongue following the path of wetness until she was hovering over Alex again.

Alex looked at her love, "Baby, I love you so much." She said as she pulled Olivia to her mouth.

She could taste herself on Olivia's lips.

And they kissed until both were once again left breathless.

Olivia fell by Alex's side on the bed.

"I can't even… Oh God!" Was all Alex could say as she laughed.

Olivia grinned.

Satisfied.

A not so quiet Tuesday night.

Alex rolled over to her side, looking at her lover.

She leaned up on her elbow, kissing Olivia's cheek, down her jaw line.

"You are really amazing." Alex said kissing the lobe of Olivia's ear.

"You're biased."

"I don't know those are some pretty incredible skills you've got Benson."

"Just a little something I do especially for you." She said grinning. "And I really love to hear you scream out my name when you're coming!"

"Olivia!"

"No, your voice was a little lower, throatier." Olivia teased.

Alex grabbed a pillow hitting Olivia with it as Olivia laughed heartily.

Olivia then grabbed Alex pulling her against her body.

"I will do anything to hear you scream my name, say my name, call me baby… forever."

Olivia kissed Alex, holding her against her.

Alex thought for a moment.

"Lets go somewhere for Christmas ok?"

Olivia looked at her.

"Where?"

"I don't know, anywhere. Or at least let's find a nice quiet place somewhere by that lake you were talking about."

"I've never been out of the city for Christmas."

An excited child's anticipation.

An adult's disappointment.

"Never?"

"Well I spent Christmas here with my mother, then over the years some with Elliot and his family, some with boyfriends..."

Olivia's past.

Alex struggled with knowing Olivia never once had the cookie cutter Christmas.

She forgot how lucky she was to have the dreaded family Christmas.

"Well I think it's time you got out of the city! Let's go somewhere!" Alex said excitedly. "And besides this might be our last Christmas we have just the two of us…"

Olivia looked at Alex, her face serious.

"What do you mean?"

Alex looked at Olivia, running her hands through Olivia's hair.

"I mean if we try and have a baby who knows… it may not be just us next year."

Olivia sat up in bed, obviously uneasy at what Alex had just said.

"Honey what is it?"

"I just, I never told you, that I looked in to adoption a few years ago… I got turned down..."

Alex frowned.

"Liv, baby I'm so sorry."

"They didn't seem to think that I was fit to be a parent. Work too much, no family..."

"You have a family! You have a family now," Alex said adamantly. "We're together. We're in this together, we can figure a way to make this happen."

Olivia looked at Alex almost confused.

"Alex I know we talked about kids before, but I didn't know you were this serious."

"Would you not be serious about having kids with me?"

"Alex… I just I, I don't want you to feel like you have to want to have a kid to make me happy."

"Liv, I wouldn't do that. And yes having kids has never been a priority for me, but having you in my life, having you, loving you, has changed my life, my outlook. Yes I want you to be happy, and yes I know having kids would make you happy… But I'm making this decision for me as well. I want this life with you." Alex reached for Olivia pulling her close to her. "We won't pursue anything if it's not what you want. But I'm in."

Olivia smiled shyly.

This amazing, incredible woman.

Alex reached for the light then snuggled under the covers against Olivia's naked body.

"What are you thinking about?" Alex asked curious after their previous conversation.

"You, me… a lot."

"I think I tend to say to much," Alex worried.

"You say all the right things. I think I get over whelmed by how much you love me, by what you're willing to do for me."

"I meant what I said Liv, you've changed my life. You changed what I want."

"And you've changed mine. I think about my life before you… and I just, I didn't know what it actually felt like to feel loved like this..."

"Liv, whatever is in store fore us, you have to understand how much I love you."

Olivia shook her head, settling against Alex in the now dark room.

"Alex?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Thank you for changing my life."

Alex ran her hand up Olivia's bare stomach, between her breasts, cupping her jaw line,

"Anything for you, anything."

A quiet Tuesday evening.


	14. Chapter 14

Ch. 14

**And now I've fallen under your charm**

**And now I fall into your arms**

**Where I feel alright, it's where I'll stay tonight – "Under Your Charms"/J. Rouse**

Alex walked through the door, meeting Olivia's eyes.

"Hey there… making any progress?" Alex said grinning as she hung up her coat and dropped her bag by the door.

Olivia had taken the afternoon off to have the rest of her things moved in to their apartment. Olivia sat on the living room floor surrounded by half unpacked boxes.

"Why did I pack up all of this stuff? I haven't seen some of this in years."

Alex stepped over a pile of sweaters, and a box of books…

Alex leaned down kissing Olivia.

"I told you to bring anything you wanted."

"Alex I haven't slept in my apartment in almost 3 months, suddenly I get sentimental about this stuff?!"

"Want me to help you go through it?" Alex offered

Olivia grinned "You're gonna help me go through this stuff?"

"Oh come on it will be fun… I might find out some of those secrets no one knows about!"

"Yeah right!" Olivia laughed.

"I'll go change, get us a glass of wine… it'll be fun."

Olivia watched as Alex stepped over boxes making her way out of the living room.

"Cabot you're loosing your edge if you think this is fun!"

Olivia could only hear Alex chuckle as she walked away.

"Did I tell you, you look sexy as hell this evening," Alex said handing her love the glass of Cabernet and sitting down in the living room floor across from her.

"I've been moving all day, I look gross!" Olivia protested as she looked down at her sweatshirt and black leggings.

"You look pretty hot to me." Alex said raising her brow

"Boy, you're whipped!" Olivia teased.

"I know and I like it!" Alex said, taking in another kiss.

"Ok where do we start?" Alex said sitting her glass on the coffee table behind her.

"Pick a box! I wasn't very strategic about packing."

Alex pulled the box closest to her towards her.

"Wow Liv you weren't kidding about just throwing stuff in boxes!" Alex said shuffling through the random things in the box. "Ok should we go through these t-shirts or do you know they're all keepers?"

"I should get rid of some of them, closet space is prime real estate you know."

"You said it, not me!" Alex laughed.

"Do you need ten NYPD t-shirts?"

"I don't have ten and yes I do if someone keeps stealing them to work out in, to sleep in…"

"Oh wait whose was this?" Alex said holding up the Yankees t-shirt obviously well worn and too big for Olivia.

"No ones." Olivia said lazily.

"Oh I see..."

'"Drop it."

"Oh come on Liv who's t-shirt are you harboring?"

"It was just a reporter I dated…"

"That Ledger guy!?" Alex said making a face.

"Urgh no!"

"Wait… how may reporters have you dated?"

"Just two… wait three."

"So what made this guy so special?"

"He… I just, I really liked him."

"You really do have secrets!"

"I do not. I just don't tell everyone, everything!"

"Not even me! The love of your whole life!" Alex dramatized.

Olivia shook her head, rolling her eyes.

"What did he do that was so great to make you keep his t-shirt all these years?"

"This is going to be a long night."

"Olivia! Answer me!"

Olivia looked at Alex more seriously now.

"He went to jail for me."

Alex's eyes widened.

"He what!"

Olivia took a deep breath in.

"I helped him with a story and he went down for it. They gave him a plea bargain if he would reveal his source and he didn't. He never has."

Alex sat there in a bit of shock.

"Maybe I shouldn't hear anymore of this."

"Alex I don't regret doing it, I don't regret helping him. I hate that he got caught and that he took the brunt of everything instead of incriminating me."

"Wow."

"You asked."

Alex took a deep breath.

"Ok any other stories, major crimes, boyfriends, I should know about in this stack of t-shirts?"

Olivia gave a sly grin. "No…well get rid of the Yale t-shirt, and the Van Halen t-shirt too."

"Jesus!" Alex said picking the t-shirts from the pile and throwing them towards Olivia as they both laughed.

Alex saw Olivia pull picture frames from the box beside her.

"Hey, you and me…" Olivia said grinning as she showed Alex the picture of them at the precinct. "Look how young we were!"

"Were? Speak for yourself!"

Alex caught Olivia looking down at the next frame in the box.

There weren't many pictures of Olivia laughing like she was in that picture.

Laughing as obviously Elliot, who was standing beside her had said something to make her laugh.

"I know you miss him."

"Everyday… But I've gotten used to being without him too. Things change…"

"They definitely do." Alex said reaching for Olivia hand, pulling it to her lips. "They definitely do."

The next picture, Olivia and her mother.

"You really do look so much like her. Your eyes… your lips. She was beautiful."

Olivia smiled not saying anything.

She appreciated the compliment.

"Can I put these on the book shelves?" Alex asked already standing up.

"You don't have to."

"Olivia don't be ridiculous, this is your house too and these photos mean a lot to me as well."

Olivia smiled.

"Thanks."

Alex shook her head taking the pictures and placing them sporadically amongst the pictures already on the shelves.

"Ok so everything in this box is going." Olivia announced. "I think that box is more books, which I probably should go through…"

"What about this box?" Alex said taking the smaller box and bringing back to her spot on the floor.

"Um I can't remember what's in that one, hopefully it's something I can get rid of!"

Alex opened the box and looked inside. She looked up at Olivia.

"What? What's in there?"

Alex scooped up drawing after drawing, note after note.

Victims, survivors, families, men, women, children…

Thank you's.

"Liv," was all Alex could say.

"I told you, I didn't realize how sentimental I was."

"Baby this is amazing, you're so amazing. Look at all these people you've helped!"

Olivia gave a shy smile.

Humble

Alex picked up a small pink box.

"What is this?"

"My mom… she gave it to me when I was a kid."

"Alex opened the box to a tiny gold necklace, with a circle charm with the initial O engraved on it."

Alex had tears in her eyes.

"Now who's sentimental?" Olivia said trying to make light of it.

"I just think about you being so little, and this around your neck." Alex looked at Olivia "I want little Olivia Benson's"

"Who are you?! And what have you done to Alex Cabot!"

Alex wiped her eyes, jokingly poking her bottom lip out.

"You are just so cute, and this is so tiny…"

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex.

"YOU are so cute." Olivia said amused.

Alex closed the box and set it aside on the coffee table for safe keeping.

"I made my change of address this morning and you were already my in case of emergency so…" Olivia said with a smile. "And I talked to Cragen..."

"And?" Alex said a little worried.

"I don't think he was overly pleased I was dating an ADA, and I think he was a little shocked when I said it was you. But I think he was happy for me. He said he was happy for us. I told him we had been together for months. And I asked if he would keep it between us. That we preferred to keep our personal lives private."

"Are you ok with him knowing now?" Alex asked still concerned, knowing Olivia feared telling people simply because she didn't want to change what they had between them.

"I trust he will keep our relationship private. And I know he wants what's best for both of us so yeah I'm ok with it and it had to be done. Are you ok with it?"

"I told you I'm in this with you... and yes I want to keep my personal life private just as I would with anyone I was with. But I accept that because our jobs intertwine and so do our friends, people will find out about us, and when they do I'm fine with it. I love you, that's what matters."

"I love you too baby." Olivia said pulling Alex towards her.

Alex pushed the box behind Olivia further back before she made her way on top of Olivia.

Hovering over her, Alex kissed her more passionately.

"You tired?" Alex said kissing Olivia's neck.

"Not too tired for you… I just need a shower."

Alex raised her brow.

"I can help you with that."

"Oh really?" Olivia said grinning.

"This stuff will be here tomorrow." Alex said as she stood, pulling Olivia up with her.

Alex never let go of Olivia's hand as she flipped off the lights in the living room and made her way to the master bathroom.

Olivia's sweatshirt to the floor, her bra, her legging, panties… naked.

Alex followed suit, then pressing her naked body against Olivia's.

Alex backed Olivia against the sink.

She would never tire of her soft lips, the taste of her tongue.

"You get in, I'll meet you in there in a second." Alex said, her voice low to Olivia's ear.

Olivia grinned as she watched her lover leaving the bathroom, wondering what she was up to.

Olivia's long hair tangled as the soapy water ran through it.

She heard Alex open the shower door sliding in behind her.

"Where did you go?" Olivia said turning to face Alex.

Hot water against the cool shower tiles.

Olivia's back now against the cool shower tiles.

Alex pressed her body tightly against Olivia's.

Her hand immediately between Olivia's legs, dipping her finger between her folds.

"I want to fuck you." Alex said her voice still as low as before.

Alex purposefully kept her gaze locked on Olivia.

Olivia suddenly felt the thick silicon brush between her thighs.

"So that's where you've been Alexandra." Olivia said lazily.

Alex bit her lip as she grinned.

Alex slid the head of the toy against Olivia's already wet pussy.

She could hear Olivia's breath hitch at the touch.

Hot water against cool shower tiles.

Alex lifted Olivia's leg, holding it tightly against her. She then slowly slid the slick toy inside of Olivia.

"Ahhhh," seeped from Olivia's lips.

"Baby?" Alex whispered, waiting for her love to assure her she was ready.

Olivia opened her dark eyes, looking at Alex.

"Fuck me hard."

Alex did.

She began thrusting the toy in and out of Olivia.

Hard and fast, and when Olivia's knees would tremble, slow and teasing.

Fucking her as Olivia asked, as Alex wanted.

Sweet torture.

"Oh… God… baby."

Relentless.

Alex was feeling relentless.

Pushing in and out.

The sound of her love's breath.

The sight of her love's body pleasured, writhing against her.

Alex pushed deeper as her mouth melded on to Olivia's.

Hot water, cold tiles.

"Baby I want to come!" Olivia said not caring how demanding she sounded.

With out a word, the silicone fell to the shower floor.

A deep lingering kiss before Alex turned Olivia this time facing the shower wall, and again against her body.

Alex's hand slithered around Olivia's hip and then slid her fingers between her folds.

Alex worked Olivia' already sensitive, swollen clit as she practically pleasured herself rocking against Olivia's firm ass.

"Keep going, ah uh please… keep going…" was all Olivia could beg.

Relentless.

It didn't take much more of Alex's fingers against her clit to make Olivia come and come hard.

Against the shower wall, against Alex's body.

She shuttered.

Alex held her love there until she could move again.

Olivia turned to Alex, wrapping her arms around her neck.

Holding her close, her body still buzzing.

"Amazing." Olivia mumbled against Alex's shoulder.

Alex grinned.

Holding Olivia, still drunk on her touch.

Olivia kissed Alex again, smiling in her kiss.

"I'll give you a minute," Alex said stepping out of the shower, leaving Olivia to finish her shower.

Alex dried off and wrapped herself in a towel.

She held towel out for Olivia as she was stepping out of the shower.

Alex then sat up on the bathroom counter watching her dry off.

"Are you watching me?" Olivia teased.

"I certainly am." Alex said with a smirk. "I like you naked!"

"Good." Olivia grinned as she tried to towel dry her hair.

Olivia hung the towel on the hook and purposefully naked, made her way to the blonde perched on the bathroom sink.

Olivia slid between Alex's legs, pulling the towel from her.

Olivia began to kiss were the wet strands of her blonde hair left drops of water splayed on Alex's shoulders.

A chill ran over Alex's skin.

"You're cold?"

"The complete opposite of cold," Alex said grinning

Olivia pulled Alex in to her body.

"Some days, today… I can't believe this is my home, you're my home. I've never felt so loved and so wanted in my life. And the thought of going to bed next to you every night and waking up next to you every morning makes me feel so safe and God, I'm so happy."

Alex grinned. She had gotten what she wanted.

Olivia was happy, loved.

Alex got what she wanted.

Olivia kissed Alex softly.

"I'll never get tired of kissing you." Alex said loving the taste of Olivia on her lips.

Another kiss, another…

"Oh and I'm throwing out the old boyfriend's t-shirts in the morning!" Alex said trying desperately to look very serious.

Olivia laughed.

"I'm ok with that. I've got the only thing I'll be holding on to right here." Olivia said as she held Alex in her arms.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Throwing out a hints of a few curve balls that are going to be or may be thrown in, in upcoming chapters. Would love some feedback on this chapter on anything you might have picked up on that seems interesting! You guys have given some great feedback that sometimes gives direction to the next chapters. Oh and I of course appreciate your follows as well! Thank you so much! -MH_**

Ch. 15

**"I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. " — N. Sparks/The Notebook**

"This is incredible. Alex… I can't believe you brought me here." Olivia said her nose almost pressed to the window.

"Well you said you wanted to be by a lake, but I didn't exactly see us roughing it in some cabin in the woods. So I thought Martha's Vineyard on the waterfront may be a little more our speed. You know civilization, electric heat, take-out." Alex said grinning.

Olivia laughed agreeing.

"I just can't believe you had the place decorated for Christmas, and the house stocked, ready for us."

"What can I say I am a very efficient traveler!"

"You're amazing is what you are."

"I just wanted our first official Christmas together to be perfect." Alex said pulling Olivia in to her body, consuming her in the wrap Alex had wrapped around her, and now around both if them.

"It's perfect. The snow, the water, this house… you." Olivia said turning to Alex so she could wrap her arms around her too.

"We work so hard, we're consumed by people and the city… I just wanted it to be us, even if it is for just a few days."

"You don't you wish you could have spent Christmas with your father?" Olivia asked seriously.

"I want to spend Christmas with you… besides my father and his new girlfriend are spending Christmas on an island somewhere."

"Alex we talked about this, I don't want to come between you and your family, especially your father."

"Liv, my father is coming around. I think he is beginning to understand that you are not a phase I'm going through. That all the years I've talked about you was because I was in love with you. He has to understand I'm a grown woman and I can choose what and who I want in my life, just as he can."

Olivia gave Alex a little smirk.

"What was that?" Alex asked.

"Well I think you're father doesn't exactly approve of the woman in your life, like you don't approve of the woman in his life!"

"Actually my father likes you. He's always liked you, he asks about you all the time. The difference is I don't like the new girlfriend, nor do I ask about her."

"Cold Alex, cold." Olivia teased.

"She's younger than me!"

"Maybe it's just a phase!" Olivia joked.

Alex made a face, but Olivia only squeezed her tighter.

"Come on tiger, let's get dinner started." Olivia said giving Alex a quick kiss before she left her standing in front of the large windows overlooking the beach.

"It's starting to snow harder." Alex said looking out.

"Maybe we'll get snowed in and we won't be able to leave!" Olivia said almost excitedly as she added the ingredients to the pot of chili.

"Maybe I should do a little snow dance?"

Olivia laughed, "I definitely want to see that!"

Alex swatted Olivia with the kitchen towel, as she grinned.

Suddenly a phone ringing turned both of their heads searching for the sound.

"It's mine," Olivia said finding her bag across the room and digging for her phone.

She looked at the screen, a bit taken back.

"I need to get this." Olivia said apologetically to Alex.

"Of course, go ahead." Alex motioned.

"Benson," Alex heard Olivia say now knowing it was indeed work.

"… I'm actually out of town for the holiday… yes sir." Alex watched Olivia from the corner of her eye, Olivia was running her fingers back and forth across the ridges on the chair, almost nervously. "Yes I'll be there first thing… yes sir, I understand."

She hung up the phone, and Alex watched as Olivia took a moment, biting her bottom lip before walking back to the counter where Alex was now sitting.

Olivia's attention went back to the pot of chili.

"Who was that?" Alex asked curiously.

Olivia took a deep breath before looking at Alex.

She wouldn't lie.

She couldn't.

"The FBI."

"What? Why?"

"Didn't say. Just wanted me to meet with them first thing after the holiday."

"Liv?" Alex asked apprehensively.

Olivia quickly tried to clear her head.

"They probably just want to see if I can help on a case, or maybe it's something to do with Dana Lewis… You never know with the Feds," Olivia assured.

"You look worried."

"Worried? I'm not worried."

Fuck.

Maybe a little worried.

She had only gotten a phone call from the Feds like that once.

And she spent the next 6 months in Oregon.

Olivia tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Ok… leaving the chili on low. How about we get in some couch time? Maybe open a bottle of wine?" Olivia said trying her best for she and Alex to forget the phone call.

"You're changing the subject."

Olivia stopped, looking at Alex.

"Yes, baby I am. I don't know what the call was about. All I know is they want me to come in… that's it. That's all I know. And it may be nothing. So I'm not going to take time out of our amazing vacation together to even speculate what it all might be about. For all I know they may just want to chew my ass out for something I don't even know I've done! They like to do that!"

It was Alex's turn to take a deep breath.

"I'll get the bottle of wine. I need it now!" Alex said leaving Olivia standing there.

Olivia closed her eyes, letting Alex go.

Trying to let the phone call go.

Olivia stood staring at the lights of the Christmas tree, her arms folded protectively across her chest.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Alex said sitting the glasses of wine in her hand down on the coffee table.

"I remember when I was a kid, my mother decided she was going to decorate our apartment for Christmas. She was on holiday break from teaching and I only had two days left of school…." Olivia let out breathy laugh. "I remember I had two days left because I was counting down the days. Most kids were excited about Christmas, Santa Clause, being with their families… I was counting down the days that knew I would be stuck in that apartment with my mother, or if she decided to leave me I would be stuck there alone. When I came home two days before holiday break, our apartment was turned upside down. My mother said she was decorating for Christmas. She had bought colored lights and draped them recklessly on a houseplant. She was throwing tinsel at the leaves of the plant, but the tinsel was getting everywhere… She was so drunk she didn't realize the tinsel had fallen in the glass of straight vodka she was consuming. 'God dammed tinsel' that's all I remember her slurring before she fell backwards in the chair and passed out."

"Liv," Alex said sadly.

"I checked her pulse. That's all I did. That's what I knew to do. I checked her pulse to make sure she was alive and then I got a broom and tried to sweep up the tinsel."

Alex stood behind Olivia hooking her chin on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry."

"You know I think that's' why I've always wanted kids so badly. I think I've always wanted to prove that I could be a better mother. That I would never let my child feel the way she made me feel…"

"You will be a better mother, you'll be such a great mother!"

Olivia stood there another minute not saying anything.

Contemplating.

Maybe contemplating if Alex was right.

Hoping Alex was right.

She averted her eyes from the trance of the Christmas lights.

"Sorry… that was a ridiculous story. I shouldn't have ruined the mood."

"Olivia, honey you can always tell me anything and everything. I will always listen. And I'm sorry that you had to go through that, and I will do my best from now on to make sure you always have an amazing Christmas…" Alex said sincerely.

"Alex its not your place to have to fix my past… I need to just get over it."

"No you don't need to just get over it. It hurt you. It left a scar on you. But it is your past, and I want to create new memories with you. Me and you. And we'll create great memories with our kids."

Olivia turned, kissing Alex softly.

Alex smiled, and Olivia watched as Alex sat on the couch, taking her glass of wine in hand and then patting the seat beside her, motioning for Olivia to sit.

Olivia curled up beside Alex.

"So you're really in to this baby thing now?" Olivia questioned.

"I thought we established I was in to it."

"We did, you just say it so casually now."

"Do I? Maybe I'm just putting it in my vocabulary… it's never really been there. I'm getting comfortable with the thought of us having kids."

Olivia pulled Alex's hand in to her lap, absentmindedly playing with her fingers.

Thinking.

"I think things happen for a reason."

"What do you mean?" Alex asked.

"I've wanted to have a baby for so long and you didn't really care about having a kid and now we want to do this together. Maybe we were just each other's missing piece."

Alex smiled.

"I think you're right. Sometimes the right things have to fall in to place before you can get what you want. Maybe we are each other's missing piece."

Olivia let out a breathy laugh.

"And to think we've had each other this whole time."

"Timing I guess."

Olivia shook her head agreeing.

They sat there for the longest time in silence before Alex spoke up.

"We should probably start thinking about how we are going to get these said babies…"

Olivia sat up, looking at Alex.

"Yeah I guess we aren't really getting anywhere just talking about it." Olivia smiled.

Alex went to speak again, but hesitated.

"What?" Olivia questioned.

"Would it be weird if I tried to get pregnant?"

Olivia's eyes widened and she then let out a bit of laughter.

"What? Is the thought that ridiculous?"

"Alex Cabot!" It's not ridiculous, but it's a little crazy. Never have you ever remotely given the slightest iota that you would like to get pregnant!"

"Well I may be too old now anyway…"

"You're not too old!"

"I just, I want to give you a baby. And I want this baby to be a part of us. I want to be connected to you."

"Alex I would love for you to have our baby and I'm so humbled that you would want to do that for us, but I just worry if that's something you really want to do…"

"I can do it!" Alex protested.

"Baby, of course you can do it! But we do have other options, we could find a surrogate and there are plenty of kids that need adopting, that need parents that would be apart of us because we raised them…"

"Do you wish you had tried to have a baby?"

Olivia sat up straighter.

A hard conversation.

"I thought about it. I thought about doing it on my own before I was turned down for adoption and even after. But my job was always in the way, time slipped away, you know…"

Alex shook her head, holding Olivia close to her.

Alex physically ached that Olivia never got the chance she wanted to carry a child.

It was painful. She couldn't imagine how Olivia felt.

"In the New Year we should really figure all this out, get a plan…"

"I know you Alex you already have done the research…"

"I have not!" Alex protested.

"Really Alexandra?"

"Ok maybe I've done a little. Maybe that's why I thought trying to get pregnant might just be easier."

"Aren't you the one that said we would figure this out together? We will. And just like with us, things will fall in to place the way they are supposed to."

Olivia pulled Alex's legs towards her, then pulling Alex to straddle her lap.

"Thank you."

"For what?" Alex asked puzzled.

"For offering."

"To get pregnant?"

"Yeah." Olivia answered softly.

"Liv, I have to consider it, we have to consider it…"

Olivia smiled kissing Alex's lips gently.

" We will, we'll consider it. But we have options too. And anyway we try and make a family will be perfect for us. I love you so much."

"I love you." Alex said reciprocating the kisses Olivia had started.

They both sat there for a bit longer enjoying the taste of each other's mouths, each other's skin.

"We should have dinner," Olivia said breathless, trying to compose herself.

Alex stole another kiss before agreeing and climbing off of Olivia, pulling her up behind her.

"Yes we should have dinner now, because there is a Jacuzzi tub in there and I can hardly wait to get you naked and in that tub with me!" Alex said grinning.


	16. Chapter 16

Ch. 16

"**Forever can never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you." - Train/"Marry Me"**

Alex straddled Olivia. Fingers intertwined, pinning Olivia's hands above her head.

Alex's tongue traced Olivia's lips kissing her again and again.

Alex couldn't get enough and Olivia certainly didn't mind.

Time didn't matter.

Alex awoke that morning wide-eyed like a child.

Christmas morning.

She wasn't expecting lavish presents under the tree, but instead she wanted to wake her love with her mouth, kissing her naked skin.

The chill in the air made Alex's nipples almost painstakingly hard as she buried her breasts against Olivia's breasts.

Kissing her jaw line, down her neck…

Chills spread across Olivia body.

Alex sat up, Olivia feeling how wet Alex was against her belly.

Olivia's eyes mapped out Alex's creamy, smooth skin, her long limbs…

Alex wanted this to be a Christmas Olivia would never forget.

She would make sure of it.

She wanted to replace Olivia's past, or at least try and fill in the parts that had left Olivia empty.

"Merry Christmas baby," Alex said letting Olivia hands fall now to Alex's bare hips.

Olivia's hands warm from being intertwined with Alex's.

"Already the best Christmas I've ever had." Olivia said with a lazy smile, then pulling Alex again towards her.

Olivia pushed Alex against the sheets, it was her turn to kiss, and lick, and taste the skin that been devouring her since she awoke.

Time didn't matter.

These were the best moments.

Uninterrupted moments were few and far between for the two of them, so the luxury of slow kisses and hands roaming over naked bodies would be taken full advantage of that morning.

"I love you." Olivia said trailing her lips across Alex's rib cage.

"I love you too, so much." Alex said her eyes closed, her head pressed in to the pillow below her, lost in Olivia's mouth.

"You want to open presents?" Alex asked snuggled against Olivia under the plush down comforter.

"We could I suppose." Olivia said grinning. "Do we have to get out of bed?"

"Come on… I want you to open your gifts!" Alex said excitedly. "I'll start a fire, you make us some coffee?"

"I think you already started a fire this morning Alexandra!' Olivia teased.

Both still lay there.

"Who's making the first move? Olivia asked amused that neither bothered to get out from under the covers.

"I'm going… but I'm warm and comfortable… and you feel so good." Alex said nuzzling Olivia's neck.

"Come on. We'll both get up, find us some warm clothes to put on…"

They both made their way out of bed quickly finding said clothes.

"Alex I think it snowed two feet last night," Olivia said looking towards her now favorite window in the house.

"It was really coming down when we went to bed, I didn't know if we'd be snowed in."

"Hey I never got to see you do that little snow dance!" Olivia said her eyes widening.

"Make the coffee Benson!" Alex said making her way to the fireplace.

The house had been stocked with fresh scones the day before so Olivia plated two scones and poured she and Alex a cup a coffee.

She sat everything down on the coffee table near the fireplace and the sparkling Christmas tree.

Alex now sat on the couch reveling in her first sip of coffee and the warmth of the fire.

Olivia had picked up a gift from under the tree and handed it to Alex.

"You better have played by the gift rules Alex!"

"I did!" Alex grinned already tearing in to the silver wrapped present.

They agreed to three presents each.

One practical.

One sexy.

One gift to commemorate their first Christmas together.

Those were the gift rules.

"Lululemon's!" Alex exclaimed pulling the Yoga pants from the gift box.

"I had to get you a pair! They're so comfortable and you're always saying you want a pair like mine…"

"Liv I love them! Thank you for getting me a pair. " Alex said leaning in for a kiss.

"Ok your turn! My "practical" gift," Alex said handing Olivia matching gift box.

Olivia pulled the wrapping away opening the box.

"Cashmere!"

"Do you like it?" Alex asked as she watched Olivia holding up the camel colored sweater.

"Like it? I love it! Sooo soft! You know how much I love Cashmere!"

"I do! And I love you in Cashmere too!" Alex said devilishly.

"Ok… I also am going to love you in this!" Alex said with a wicked grin on her face as she handed Olivia the next perfectly wrapped box.

"I think these gifts might be more of a present for ourselves than to each other!" Olivia said laughing.

"Oh they'll be a present for you after I see you in this."

"Oh really." Olivia said pulling the cream colored satin and lace slip out of the box. Olivia raised her brow to Alex as she skimmed the plunging neckline that would no doubt show off her ample breasts. "And matching undies?"

"I'm gonna be honest I almost got more excited about the thought of seeing your amazing ass peak out from under those "undies"!"

"Did you now?" Olivia said with a smirk.

"I said almost." Alex said as she leaned in kissing the lobe of Olivia's ear.

"Well turns out naughty girls do get presents" Olivia said handing Alex her gift.

"Surely I can't be naughtier than you?"

Olivia waited for Alex to peak inside the box.

A deep red, lacy mesh teddy, with removable garters and a matching red thong.

"Ms. Benson?" Alex said looking wide eyed at her lover.

"I saw it, I thought how amazing you always look in red."

Alex was biting her bottom lip, biding her time, ready to devour Olivia.

Olivia grinned as she quickly made her way closer to Alex.

Lips crashing in to each other's, Olivia climbed on top of Alex, Alex's legs wrapped around her…

Hands roaming to bare skin under shirts, hands teasing the waistband of pajama bottoms…

Fires lit.

"Don't you want your last present?" Olivia said, a smile between kisses.

"I want you!"

"You have me, you can have me anytime, anywhere!" Olivia assured.

Alex kissed Olivia again before retrieving the last two boxes under the tree.

A small box, and a bit larger box.

"Save my gift to you for last." Alex said suddenly eerily calm.

"What if I want to give you your gift last?"

"Liv!"

"Alex!" Olivia laughed.

Alex huffed. "I really want to give you're your gift last!"

Olivia looked at Alex.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors."

"What? Are you serious?"

"We both want to go last so Rock, Paper, Scissors."

"I can't believe this is going to happen this way?"

"Well then don't loose!"

"God we are so fucking competitive!" Alex glared.

Olivia only laughed, and prepared for a game of a lifetime.

Alex squared up.

One, two, three

"Paper covers rock!"

"Damn it!" Alex said wincing.

One, two, three

"Rock crushes scissors!"

"Ha!" Alex rumbled.

"You're the competitive one!"

"Don't even! I know it's killing you Benson that I won that one!"

"Ok… ready. Last one…"

One, two, three

"Scissors cut paper! I win!" Olivia squealed victorious!

Alex poked her lips out.

"Oh come on!" Olivia laughed again.

"Ok, ok… fair and square."

Alex handed the box over to Olivia.

"Before you open it. I just want you to understand that this is a gift truly from my heart. And that I wanted to make our first Christmas the best and most memorable Christmas either of us have ever had... You have changed my life, my outlook on life and love. I love you so much."

"Alex…"

"Open it baby."

Olivia looked down at the red box, her hands almost trembling.

Olivia pulled a black velvet box from the tint box.

A lump in her throat.

She looked up at Alex, watching her, biting her lip, nervously.

Olivia opened the box.

A platinum, diamond filled eternity band.

"Alex" Olivia said stunned.

"Olivia… I have loved you for so long and I will love you forever. Will you be my wife?

Tears had fallen down Olivia's cheeks.

She took a deep breath.

"Open my present first."

That wasn't what Alex expected Olivia to say.

"Liv?"

"Just, just please before I answer, just open my gift first."

Alex's heart sank.

"Ok… ok." Alex agreed though she suddenly felt a bit devastated that she had not received an answer from Olivia right away.

Alex sat the larger box on her lap and pulled the wrapping from it.

Olivia watched her intently.

Alex lifted the top of off the box and looked down in the smaller box taped inside.

Neither was sure the other was breathing.

"Liv?" Alex said, finally looking up at Olivia.

A smile appeared on Olivia's face.

A beautiful, perfect smile.

"Well open it!" Olivia encouraged.

There in it's own velvet box was an antique white gold band with diamonds… equally as stunning, but more perfectly suited for Alex.

"Oh my God..."

"Guess it would be ridiculous at this point if we both didn't say yes."

"Liv… I, you… we, we both…"

"Great minds."

Alex reached for Olivia's ring placing it on her finger.

And Olivia placed Alex's ring on her finger.

Their left hands intertwined.

"I love you Alex Cabot."

"I love you Olivia Benson."


	17. Chapter 17

Ch. 17

**"So come here, and never leave this place, perfection of your face slows me down, slows me down." – Maroon 5/ "Never Gonna Leave This Bed**

Olivia pulled her suit jacket over her shoulders, pulling her hair out from the collar.

Alex had court first thing that morning.

A sip of orange juice, a sip of Olivia's coffee, a protein bar to go... a kiss goodbye.

Alex was long gone.

She stood in front the mirror looking back at herself.

She felt like she had aged 10 years over night.

Her eyes caught a glimpse of the ring sparkling in the light, on her left hand.

Olivia fingered the ring making sure she could feel it pressing in to her skin.

As if she could feel Alex's comfort against her skin.

Olivia had made the fact that she was meeting with the Feds this morning nonchalant though, she had hardly slept.

Hardly slept and aged 10 years.

Alex had brought the phone call up again on their way home from Martha's Vineyard.

Olivia again assured her it was probably nothing.

Neither she nor Alex believed that.

The Feds never called for "nothing".

This morning, Olivia still had to pretend that it hadn't been on her mind since the phone call. And that whatever it was, it was fine.

Olivia would listen to what The Feds had to say and go from there.

It was fine.

That's all there was at this point.

No sense having Alex worried, or even contemplating what the Feds had up their sleeve for Olivia.

She made her way in to the kitchen, her cup of coffee had gone cold while she was in the shower, and suddenly the thought of breakfast made her sick to her stomach.

Nerves.

She poured out the coffee and made her way to the door.

Should just get it over with or let it begin…

Olivia slid on her jacket, her scarf, found her keys, grabbed her purse…

The gusty January wind blew through her there on the corner of the Upper East Side.

Nervous and cold.

A cab stopped for her and she quickly made her way in to the backseat.

"26 Federal Plaza."

Her words quick, with an address she knew well.

Olivia sat back in the seat, trying desperately to relax.

She shoved her hands in to her pockets and felt the paper against her fingers.

She pulled the properly handwritten note card from her pocket.

"Thinking of you today, and you know who to call if you need a lawyer." Signed with a wink and a smile. "Love you, A"

Olivia smiled, still holding the note in her hands.

Then she took a deep breath remembering again why she was so anxious.

She slid the note in to her purse for safekeeping and watched the cars go by, the people walking with determination against the wind, the buildings one by one…

26 Federal Plaza

One visitors pass, one elevator ride to the 23rd floor.

"Detective Benson."

"Special Agent Charles Brooks," the man said, standing at the elevator as she stepped off. "We spoke on the phone," he said extending his hand.

"Yes." Was all Olivia said, before returning the handshake.

"Let's get you some coffee." He insisted.

"That would be great thanks." Olivia said, figuring she should at least be polite.

She didn't know Agent Charles Brooks and didn't recognize anyone she passed by on the way to his office.

She watched as he poured her cup of coffee and then another.

"Cream, sugar?"

He was so nonchalant.

He let Olivia enter his office politely before him and offered her a seat as he sat behind his desk.

A large wooden desk.

Cluttered.

"Well I have to say Detective your reputation has become quite infamous."

"Is that good or bad?"

Agent Books gave a humored smirk.

"All good, and you have rave reviews from your under cover work..."

"Agent Brooks if you don't mind me asking what I'm doing here, I know you didn't just want to have coffee and tell me how great I am."

The agent took a sip of his coffee, something Olivia had yet to do.

"We have undercover case we want you to be apart of."

Of course.

There it was.

No surprises.

Olivia leaned back in her chair.

"Your exemplary track record with Special Victims is why the FBI feels you would be right for this case. This is a human trafficking case involving children, specifically trafficking babies. We need someone that can get infiltrated in to the system as a single mother looking to "buy" a baby… This specific ring of trafficking we became aware of two and a half years ago and we have yet to be able to catch the leaders. Or should I say specifically the leader…" Agent Brooks continued to talk. "Detective you know it takes certain qualifications for jobs like these. And as I mentioned before, your experience with SVU will be a great asset. You know we also look for people who can transform, and keep their cover. I was told you have no family, no close attachments, that you could be available without baggage…"

Baggage?

Is that what it is?

Having someone who cared about you, loved you, someone to go home to was baggage?

Suddenly Olivia caught the Agent eyeing the ring on her finger.

"I was told you weren't married."

"No… I'm not." Olivia gripped her hands in to fists. "Not yet, but I am in a committed relationship."

"Detective Benson, you were chosen for a reason. Your commitment to previous cases, your success rate, your ability to deal with situations involving children… We need you on this."

"Do you know what kind of time we are looking at undercover?"

"No way of knowing, we just pulled someone out who had been in under for a year."

A year.

"And do you know where I would be going?"

Anywhere.

"Confidential at this point."

"Of course…" Olivia was mentally forcing herself not to fidget, not to squirm right out of her chair. "Do I have to give you my answer today?"

"By the end of the week, but we of course would prefer sooner. If you are in, we'll need to spend time prepping you of course."

Olivia stood up and Agent Brooks followed.

"Detective we understand you hate to take a leave of absence from SVU..."

Alex.

"We know that you are fiercely loyal to the unit..."

Alex Cabot.

"We know that it's a complete life adjustment."

Alexandra Cabot.

"But we think you would be saving a lot of children's lives."

Fuck.

Olivia nodded understanding as she shook the Agent's hand once again.

"I'll be in contact."

"Thank you for your time Detective Benson."

And done.

Fuck.

Olivia made her way out on to the street.

She had forgotten the wind, the cold, and it quickly snapped her out of her FBI haze and back to reality.

Work.

A day left of work, of her own normalcy.

Normalcy that was typically without offers from the Feds.

She jumped in to a cab, the wind too blustery to walk.

She wanted to call Alex, talk to her.

She was in court.

Olivia left her a text to check later.

"Just left Feds. All ok. Will talk to you tonight… On my way to work. Thanks for note, meant everything! Love you, O. "

All done.

Fuck.

Olivia had made it home before Alex.

Nothing eventful enough at SVU to keep her working late or to keep her mind off of the Feds offer.

Olivia peeled off her clothes. She had felt like she was suffocating in them all day.

She stepped in to the steaming hot shower, hoping it would help relax every tense muscle in her body.

"Liv!... Babe you here?" Alex said standing inside the front door. She spotted Olivia's cell on the table, wondering why she didn't answer when Alex had called to tell her she was on her way. "Liv! Baby?" Alex made her way to the bedroom now hearing the shower and feeling the steam as it wafted from the bathroom's half opened door.

"Liv."

"Hi honey," Olivia said peaking her head out of the shower.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a sec."

"Ok." Alex said giving her a quick smile and glad that Olivia was seemingly ok.

Alex made her way back in to the bedroom shedding her suit and Louboutin's for something more comfortable.

Olivia appeared wrapped in a towel.

Alex gave her a hello kiss before they both dressed.

"You know it's killing me!" Alex said finally.

Olivia smiled at Alex's impatience.

"I've been waiting all day! You've said nothing, but it's ok! What did they say!?"

Olivia took a deep breath and looked at Alex.

"They offered me an undercover case."

"And neither of us are surprised… and?"

"And I just got the rundown of what the case was and why they wanted me…"

"And?"

"And I have to give them a decision by Friday."

"What was the case? Why do they want you?"

"Because I'm brilliant." Olivia teased making her way out of the bedroom.

"Olivia," Alex said seriously as she followed in to the kitchen, watching Olivia open a beer. "Olivia talk to me!"

Olivia pulled Alex along with her to the couch.

"Human trafficking. Babies. They need someone to go in as someone who is a single mother wanting to "buy" a baby. Turns out they think I would play single, and wants a baby pretty well."

Alex looked at Olivia with a sad face, a worried face.

"Liv?"

Fuck.

Alex watched as Olivia took another swallow of beer.

"Oh God." Alex said suddenly her emotions falling out of her mouth. "Oh my God. You're going to do it! You're going undercover!"

"Alex."

Olivia watched the panic cover Alex's face.

"Alex, I didn't say that I was going to accept the job."

"But you are, you are aren't you? You're going to leave me?"

"Would you stop! I haven't even really had time to consider it…"

"They chose you for a reason. They knew you had a weakness for saving kids. They knew that's how they would loop you in!"

"Alex I didn't say yes. I needed to talk to you, to process…"

"Process? Liv how long would you be undercover? How long would you be gone? Sorry if I'm being selfish here, but what about us? What about me? What about this family we want? Our lives? You go away and what I just wonder where you are every day, what you're doing? I won't even be able to talk to you much less see you! You're choosing to leave me!"

"Déjà-vu!" Olivia spat back without looking to Alex.

A punch right to the gut.

Olivia quickly squeezed her eyes shut, regretting what she had only said in defense.

Alex stood up from the couch.

"So we'll never get past it? I leave you alone, you leave me. I get it… I get it."

Alex walked away.

"Alex!"

She left Olivia sitting there.

"Alex, come on!"

No response, no fighting, no listening.

Alone.

Fuck.


	18. Chapter 18

**Well I've been writing on this chapter for a few days and I hope it has come out ok. I just feel a bit wishy washy about it.**

**Your reviews have all been so kind, and some have been really helpful in swaying the direction of the story! So thank you so much! - M**

Ch. 18

"**You wake up older and try and move on." – "Wake Up Older"/J. Roberts**

Olivia woke the next morning her eyes physically aching from crying.

She tried to regain her senses.

The couch.

Cold.

No Alex.

Alone.

Fuck.

Senses regained.

Olivia sat up taking a deep breath as she held her arms tightly in to her chest.

She replayed how she and Alex's conversation ended.

How she called her name as Alex walked away.

A night alone, and a morning with just Olivia and her thoughts.

No Alex.

Olivia stood up leaving the blanket from the couch trailed behind her.

She quietly made her way to the doorway of their bedroom.

Alex was lying on Olivia's side of the bed.

Her arms encasing Olivia's pillow, her body burrowed under the covers.

Olivia stood there, taking her in.

Taking her love in and everything it meant to see her lying there.

Months ago Olivia confessed to Alex she would find a way to screw up their relationship.

That it was her pattern.

She would find a way, unintentional or not.

Alex assured her it was her past.

That they were different.

Together they were different.

Last night her pattern didn't seem so much in her past.

This morning, it didn't seem so different.

There would always be something to screw it up.

This time though, it hurt more.

This hurt was painful and exhausting and by the looks of the way Alex had fallen asleep she felt the same way.

And this hurt you couldn't run away from because it would follow.

Love would follow.

Olivia wiped the tear that had fallen down her cheek, trying to compose herself. She walked to the side of the bed. She leaned down sitting on the edge, beside Alex.

Alex stirred, her eyes opening to Olivia's puffy eyes and tear stained face.

"Hi" Alex said softly.

No good morning. It wasn't a good morning.

In silence Alex sat up, never taking her eyes from Olivia.

Alex reached for Olivia pulling her in to her, wrapping her arms tightly around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry." Olivia whispered in to Alex's ear.

"No baby, I'm sorry. I walked out on you. I should have never left you there. I was just, I was…"

"Angry."

Alex pulled away looking at Olivia.

"Scared. I was scared."

"Alex," Olivia said now holding her hand tightly in to hers. "Please don't say that."

"Liv, you have to understand why this scares me. The thought of you leaving me, the thought of us being apart, I can't, not anymore…"

Olivia was biting her lip.

She had so much now.

And so much to loose.

"Baby I hadn't even…"

"Don't say that. Don't say it because you know you thought about it. Just because you haven't fully made a decision doesn't mean you didn't think about it…"

"I thought about you too. I swear to God Alex, the Agent was saying how perfect I was for the job because I had no one to come home to, no one to answer to, and God all I could think was about you."

"You should have told him you had someone, that you had me!"

"He saw my ring, he asked. I told him I had someone. He just told me how they wanted me…"

"I want you! I want you Olivia. I need you. You can't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, I will never leave you."

"You taking the assignment, you disappearing, not being able to talk or see each other for months, fuck, years!"

Alex was crying.

Olivia reached to wipe away the tears falling down Alex's cheek.

Alex took a deep breath.

"I know they know how amazing you are. What a difference you make. I know they think you're great undercover and the things you've accomplished... " Alex stroked Olivia's hair, twisting a silky strand around her finger like she always did. "I know you feel like you have a duty to save these babies. It's who you are; it's a part of what makes you so incredible. But Liv, you have someone to come home to, someone you have a life with, a love with. Someone that needs you everyday… I know they cherry picked you. I know why. But if you think I'm not gonna fight like hell to remind you what you have here…"

"Alex" Olivia interrupted. "I know what I have here."

Olivia held Alex's hand to her lips, kissing the ring on her finger.

"I know what I have here. And I wasn't lying when I said I was thinking of you during the entire meeting. But the Feds offering me the job, I had to at least hear what they had to say. I had to at least tell them I would think about it, because they did consider me, because they do think I'm the right person for the job. Alex, for the last 20 years all I've known is being a cop. And I have to ask for a little forgiveness because before it didn't matter who I was dating or even what was going on in my life because I could just drop everything. Everything in my life was dispensable. I knew that, and the Feds came to know that. But I did think of you, I am thinking of you."

"Then please just say you won't do it. Tell them you can't."

Alex was pleading.

Strong willed, strong hearted.

The lioness that was Alexandra Cabot was pleading.

"Tell them you're getting married and that you want to have babies and…"

Now Olivia was crying again.

A mess.

Alex pleading, Olivia trying to sort through.

Fuck.

"I'll call Agent Brooks. I'll tell him I can't do it ok." Olivia said, the words falling from her lips.

Alex was still holding her breath.

Olivia was pushing away tears.

Why didn't it all seem to be solved?

Olivia lay down, pulling Alex beside her, holding her tightly in her arms.

They were both silent for the longest time.

"Why do I feel like I just took something from you?"

"Alex you haven't taken anything from me. If anything you've given me everything."

"But I asked you to not do something you love."

"You asked me to think about the amazing life I have with you. You asked me to not leave you, you reminded me how much you love me, how much you need me. Alex that's not taking anything away from me."

Alex turned looking at Olivia. Suddenly capturing her mouth to hers in an urgent kiss.

Olivia reciprocated desperately kissing Alex.

Tears were falling down Alex's cheeks; Olivia could taste her tears on her lips.

"Baby I'm sorry, I won't do it, I won't go." She reassured.

Alex didn't respond only kissed Olivia harder, crawling on top of her.

Olivia didn't stop her.

She didn't want to.

She needed Alex.

They needed each other.

Right or wrong, forgiveness, worry, sadness, hope… everything was wrapped up in the moment Alex's lips melded into Olivia's.

Clothes falling to the floor, tongues intertwined, hands roaming.

Alex's fingers looped the side of Olivia's panties tugging desperately. Olivia tried to help pushing the other side, until Alex held them, throwing them to the side.

Alex kissed down Olivia's body, dragging her hands over the mounds of her breasts hidden below the silk of her bra.

Olivia pulled at Alex's panties, helping her slide then down her long legs.

Olivia unhooked Alex's bra, immediately taking Alex's breast in to her mouth one by one.

Alex unhooked Olivia's bra and they were now completely naked against each other, reveling in the skin they had missed desperately from the night before.

Alex lifted Olivia' leg pulling it over her own.

Their centers now pressing in to each others, now wet from each other's juices.

Both were in complete ecstasy of how it felt against the other.

Alex began to rock her hips, pressing herself further in to Olivia, further against her clit.

Everything she and Olivia had felt in the last few hours was dissipating with every kiss, every sensation.

It was only a matter of who would loose control first.

Tongues thrashing in frantic kisses, fingers touching and gripping skin.

Olivia gripped Alex's ass as she rocked back and forth, rhythmically against her.

Sex on sex.

Alex could hear Olivia's breath hitch, "wait for me baby, wait for me." Alex pleaded.

Olivia tried to hold on, waiting for the feel of Alex's body tensing against her.

"Fuck baby!" Was all Alex could say before the one last thrust that sent orgasms shuttering through both of their bodies.

Alex fell beside Olivia physically and emotionally spent.

"God, I just needed…" Alex stopped herself, looking at Olivia.

"I know baby, I needed you to." Olivia said kissing Alex again.


	19. Chapter 19

Ch. 19

"**And I was broke, I was on my knees, and you said yes as I said please." – "Not With Haste"/Mumford & Sons**

"Marry me."

Olivia stopped brushing her teeth to look at Alex.

"Didn't we already do this?" Olivia muddled with a mouth full of toothpaste.

"No, I mean today. Let's get married today."

Olivia spit the toothpaste in to the sink.

"Um Alex, we have to go to work."

"We'll call in sick. Or married, or whatever…"

Olivia let out a hearty laugh. "Sorry Captain, I know its last minute but I can't come in, Alex decided we should get married today."

"Definitely a valid excuse!"

Olivia pulled Alex in to her.

"Why do we need to get married today? Olivia asked suspiciously.

"Why not?"

"Alex?"

"I can't wait any longer to be your wife!"

"Could you at least wait until Friday?" Olivia teased.

Alex poked out her lips.

"Oh no no! You're not giving me the pouty lips! I'm not falling for the pouty lips!"

"Please?"

"And groveling? Alexandra!"

Alex grinned.

"I want you!"

"I hate to break it to you, but you already have me!"

"Liv!"

Olivia backed Alex against the bathroom counter, kissing her lips softly.

"Honey, I love you and I want to marry you as soon as possible, spend the rest of my life with you, but at this very moment I have to go to work and I know for a fact so do you, because you owe me an arrest warrant."

Alex tugged at Olivia's belt loops, eyeing the necklace dangling around her neck to the opening of her button down.

"You're mighty persistent this morning!" Olivia said again laughing.

Her laughter cut short suddenly by the look she caught in Alex's eyes.

"Baby?" Olivia said questioning.

Alex said nothing, only biting her lip to the point that it had to be painful.

"Alex?" Olivia said again demanding her attention.

Alex looked at Olivia.

"Oh baby, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not. I told you I called Agent Brooks. I told him I couldn't do it. It's off the table. Baby, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Alex let go of her bottom lip as if there was something she wanted to say, but the words never came.

She looked at Olivia almost horrified.

Alex turned her head, looking away.

"Alex? Talk to me."

"I, I just want to marry you. Have you with me." She said burying her face in to Olivia's shoulder.

"Hey, hey we are getting married. And I'm with you. And if getting married TODAY eases your mind, assures you how much I love you and that I'm right here with you then yes, let's go. Cab ride, court house, we'll call in sick..."

Alex let out a nervous laugh.

"You think I'm loosing it?"

Olivia smiled.

"Only a little," she teased.

Alex pushed herself from against the counter.

"We should go to work before I have another moment." Alex joked.

"We should! You may tie me to the bed posts next and never let me leave the apartment."

Alex gave a smirk.

"Oh, but the things I would do to you if you were tied up!" Alex said leaving Olivia standing there.

Olivia playfully smacked Alex's ass as she walked by.

Alex only grinned.

Olivia was left thinking, thinking of what just transpired.

"I'm leaving! If you're sharing a cab with me…!"

Olivia snapped to it, grabbing her jacket. "I'm coming!"

A quick kiss and Alex stepped out of the cab going left and Olivia went right.

Olivia turned back looking at Alex walking in the opposite direction to the courthouse.

Her blue scarf radiating against the overcast winter sky.

Olivia had stopped, her eyes fixated, her mind lost in thoughts of this morning.

A bump on her shoulder from a stranger brought her back.

Noticing Alex was now out of sight, Olivia began walking again towards the precinct.

This morning wasn't like Alex.

The pleading in her voice, her sense of urgency to get married.

Her fear of Olivia leaving her.

That wasn't Alex.

Alex reaction to the Feds job offer was normal, her reaction this morning was not.

"Olivia! My office."

She hadn't even had a chance to take off her coat before Cragen bellowed.

"Captain?"

"Sit."

She did.

"You turned down the undercover job?"

"Don't seem too happy about it." Olivia said with a smirk.

"You know I'm thrilled you aren't going, but I have to ask why you chose not to go? I mean I obviously don't know the details of the assignments, but I do know if was about trafficking children. I'm a little surprised you didn't jump at the chance to help take these people down."

Olivia was fidgeting.

"I would probably be under for a year maybe longer…"

Cragen looked at Olivia.

"Alex?" He questioned.

"I can't leave her."

"You and Alex are more serious than I thought?"

Olivia held up her hand with the diamond band sparkling.

"Oh… so it is more serious that I thought." Cragen smiled.

"Yeah, I can't go."

"But?"

"But what? I can't leave Alex."

"Completely understandable, you have your priorities."

"You make it sound like I'm choosing Alex over those babies."

"You said that not me. And no I don't think you're choosing Alex over them."

"I've never had to choose. What feels like my whole life, I've never had to chose my personal life over my job."

"I'm happy you've found someone that makes you happy Liv, I'm happy you have someone to go home to and I'm even more pleased, still surprised, but pleased it's Alex."

Olivia smiled.

"It's nice ya know. Nice to have someone to beg you to stay, for them to tell you they love you, need you."

Cragen shook his head understanding.

"It's nice to see this change in you. To see something hold on to you besides this job."

"It feels good, different. And yes I did think about taking the Feds up on their offer because I had to consider it. They were very complimentary, but…"

"But your priorities have changed."

"I feel like I have a family."

Cragen leaned back in his chair, taking his eyes from Olivia.

"Maybe you should think about a higher position, you deserve, and are long over due for a promotion Liv… Get you off the streets, allow you to go home to Alex more, have a life, a family."

Olivia was starring at the floor, she was thinking, not reacting.

Maybe it was time.

She did want a life, Alex, a family.

Olivia then looked up at Cragen.

"Yeah, something to think about."

Cragen gave a closed lip smile.

He wouldn't have brought it up, if it weren't the time.

Having Olivia confide in him about Alex, he knew it was the right time.

Olivia stood, "Have go question Brian Mitchell."

"Take Rollins with you… And Liv, think about what I said about the job."

Olivia nodded giving a slight smile.

It was passed nine when Olivia finally walked through the door, Alex was sitting on the couch, still in her skirt, shirt un-tucked, and she had managed to shed her jacket, her pantyhose, the Louboutin's…

"Hi baby." Alex said through her dark rimmed glasses, arms already reaching for Olivia.

"Hi baby," Olivia said leaning in to kiss her.

"Rough day?"

"No, it was ok," Olivia said taking a seat on the couch next to Alex.

Alex leaned up getting the glass of wine she had poured herself, handing it to Olivia."

"How was your day?" Olivia asked taking a sip of wine.

"Petrovsky is on my ass, so nothing new."

"You love pissing her off!"

"I do not! She and I just don't see eye to eye on well anything."

Olivia laughed stealing another kiss form Alex.

"Cragen asked about me turning down the Feds."

Alex turned giving a serious look to Olivia.

"I told him I couldn't leave you. That I was happy and I couldn't leave that behind."

"Liv I don't want you to regret not taking the assignment, because of me…"

"Alex we've talked about this. I'm the one choosing not to do it. I told them no. I want to be with you, come home to you. I don't want to live another life, not when I have you."

"I'm sorry about this morning."

"What are you sorry for?"

"Sounding so desperate to marry you."

"You're not?" Olivia teased.

Alex smiled.

"I guess I was just freaking out. I was happy you told the Feds no, but I hated I was the reason because I know your job is what you love…"

"No Alex. I love you. My job is a job… and speaking of, when I was talking to Cragen today he mentioned that I should maybe looking in to making some changes, a promotion, not being out in the field so much, letting the Rookies do it… so I could come home to you."

"And? And what did you say?"

"I told him it was something to think about."

"Well it is something to think about. Liv you really do deserve a promotion, and to not be put in such dangerous situation where you get stabbed, or beat up, or shot at!"

"Easy Ms. Feisty!"

"It would just be nice to not have to worry about you so much."

"Alex."

"What? I do worry about you."

Olivia kissed Alex's shoulder. "Thank you for worrying about me."

Alex grinned.

Olivia sat down the glass of wine and stood up from the couch.

"I'm going to get undressed if you want to watch." Olivia teased.

Alex eyes widened.

"Yes please" Alex said as she took Olivia's hand and followed her back to their bedroom.


	20. Chapter 20

** After a bit of deliberation I decided to wrap this story up with this chapter. I seem to have the writing bug again and have a few other story ideas that have been pounding in my head lately, but I wanted to finish this story up first! **

** Thank you so much for reading my little love story. This is the first time I've written an A/O story and I have to say I've fallen in love with them together! **** I appreciate your comments so much (they are fuel to the fire!) And I hope you guys will continue reading what I have for you next! - M**

Ch. 20

"**I'm giving you all of my love… God knows we're worth it." – "I Won't Give Up"/J. Mraz**

Alex had left her asleep in bed this morning.

Olivia had worked late the night before; she had come home tired, worn down from the day and all if had to offer.

Alex helped Olivia undress, messaged her shoulders, and kissed all over her skin until she drifted off to sleep.

She needed the rest.

Alex was up early this morning.

She could hardly sleep and she figured what was the use in forcing herself any longer, so she left Olivia in bed.

She skimmed over the newspaper trying desperately to keep her mind occupied with the headlines while the coffee finished brewing.

Olivia now stood quietly at the entryway of the kitchen watching Alex.

Her bare legs, her t-shirt short, revealing the little red lace panties…

Thos woman was everything to her.

"Good morning," Olivia said after a moment of surveying her love reading the paper.

"Coffee's about rea…" Alex said as she turned to see Olivia standing there in the kitchen completely naked.

A sly grin on Olivia's lips.

"You… you're…"

"Naked?" Olivia said confidently.

Alex grinned.

"Yes you are and sexy, so sexy." Alex said walking towards Olivia leaving the forgotten coffee and newspaper on the counter.

Alex ran her hands down the sides of Olivia's body curving at her waist down to her hips.

Olivia pulled Alex's glasses from face, discarding them on the counter.

Alex tugged Olivia's hips towards her, then cupping Olivia's bare ass in to her hands.

"So sexy," Alex repeated as she held her against her.

Their mouths instantly crashed in to each other's.

Tongues tangling and twisting.

Alex backed Olivia in to the living room, searching for any place to fall.

You didn't show up in the kitchen naked and not know what was going to happen next.

She guided Olivia towards the couch, as it seemed to be the first viable place to land.

Instead, when their feet hit the plush rug on the way to the couch, Olivia had already shoved her hands under Alex's t-shirt, pushing it over her head and they were falling to the living room floor.

The plush rug now against Alex's bare back as Olivia crawled on top of her, and continued their relentless kisses.

Olivia sent chills down Alex's skin as she took each of her hardened nipples in to her mouth, slow, one by one, tongue swirling.

"Oh God…" slipped from Alex's lips as her body arched towards Olivia's mouth.

Olivia couldn't taste enough of her skin, as Alex's hands couldn't touch enough of Olivia's body.

Alex moaned as Olivia slid her hand beneath Alex's panties.

The red lace ones.

Olivia drug her fingers in to Alex's folds feeling just how wet she was.

"Alex…" Olivia said as if it had escaped her lips.

Alex looked down to see Olivia's hand beneath panties, buried inside of her.

Alex moved, against her fingers, burying Olivia's finger deeper.

"So wet." Was all Olivia could say, mesmerized by how it felt to run her fingers up and down Alex's sex, coating her with her own juices.

Olivia then pulled her hand from her and Alex.

She let out a slight whimper at the absence of Olivia's fingers, but Olivia only removed her hand to pull Alex's panties off of her.

Olivia drug Alex's panties down her long legs.

Slowly down her thighs, her knees, her calves…

Passed her wine colored toes.

Olivia sat on her knees admiring her porcelain skin.

"Alex… you're so beautiful." She said sincerely.

Alex reached for Olivia, trying desperately to touch her.

Olivia took one last moment looking at her love then gently pushed Alex 's legs further apart.

Olivia gave a grin to the glistening sex between Alex's legs.

She ran her hands up Alex's thighs, up her belly to her pert nipples and back down again.

Knowing how much Alex loved her abundant breasts, she leaned over Alex dragging them up and down her body until her breast met Alex's core.

Alex instantly reacted feeling Olivia against her, feeling her tease her breast against her opening.

Olivia glared at Alex, giving her a grin, before she began to place kisses on her inner thighs.

Olivia then thrust her right breast into Alex's wet center.

A throaty breath left Alex's mouth.

Alex rocked her core against Olivia's breast.

Their eyes fixed on the others, their actions deliberate.

Olivia pushed herself in to Alex as she rode against her breast, pleasuring herself from the friction of skin on skin.

"Fuck," Alex breathed. "God, you're so..." Alex managed as her rhythm picked up.

The look of determination on her love's face to make her come only made her wetter against Olivia's breast.

She couldn't believe how hot it was to fuck her this way, to come this way.

After Alex came, Olivia drug her body between Alex's legs letting Alex's remaining wetness trail down her stomach.

Alex's body hitched from the feel of Olivia's body against her, still sensitive from her orgasm.

She settled in between Alex legs.

Alex wrapped her long legs protectively around Olivia, holding her against her naked body as she tried to regain her senses.

"I love you," Olivia whispered against Alex's neck.

A smile spread across Alex's face.

Alex reached for Olivia, placing her hand at her cheek, her eyes focused on her love.

"I love you so much." Alex said kissing Olivia passionately.

Alex nudged Olivia to the side, pushing her back to the floor. Alex crawled on top of Olivia now hungry to make Olivia come.

Alex hovered over Olivia, kissing her, kissing her neck, down her chest, tasting herself on Olivia's nipples.

Alex looked up at Olivia and grinned.

Olivia let out a slight sexy laugh knowing what she just done to her fiancé.

Alex continued her kisses.

The curves of Olivia's body made her crazy.

They had always made her crazy.

Every inch of her body was so feminine, so curvaceous, so perfect.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with my lips on your skin, my mouth between your legs, my heart in your hands… forever Olivia." Alex said before she tugged at the lobe of Olivia's ear between her teeth.

Olivia couldn't help but be swept up with the emotion of Alex's words.

Alex drug her mouth further down Olivia's body.

"Perfect, you're so perfect," Alex said in between nips of Olivia's skin.

Alex took no time to test the water, she quickly plunged her mouth in to Olivia's center.

Olivia let out a loud moan as Alex took her clit between her lips and quickly letting her tongue taste.

It was no secret that Alex loved and admittedly craved the taste of her.

Olivia's hands buried in Alex's long blond hair, Alex's mouth buried in Olivia.

Olivia's body writhed and twisted below Alex's talented mouth.

Alex didn't stop until Olivia's body shuttered against her, until she begged her to stop.

Both coming down, both of their bodies buzzing from making each other come, they lay beside each other on their living room rug.

"You were naked." Alex said amused.

"It was all for you." Olivia teased.

"Oh really?" Alex laughed.

"We should shower… We do have somewhere to be today."

Alex rolled over, kissing down Olivia's neck at her sex-ridden skin. "I can't believe you're going to be my wife in a few hours."

Olivia smiled. "And you'll be mine."

"Aren't we not suppose to see each other before the wedding?"

Olivia stopped applying her eyeliner and looked over at Alex.

"Seriously?"

Alex only laughed.

"Well it is a tradition."

"What part of our wedding day has been traditional thus far?"

"Finish getting ready in here, I'm going to go put on my dress, then I'll leave the bedroom to you."

"Alex, we've been together all morning!"

"Would you just humor me? I want to see you… I want to be surprised."

Olivia smiled.

"Let me know when you're dressed. I'll stay in here until you're done."

Alex smiled, "Thank you, " she said giving Olivia a quick kiss.

Alex was right, no matter how non-traditional this wedding was the simple anticipation of seeing Alex in the dress she had chosen to wear to marry her was exciting.

Olivia slipped on her heels and took one last look in the mirror knowing Alex was waiting to see her.

She made her way in to the living room.

Alexandra.

She was pacing, her heels clicking back and forth as if she were making her closing arguments.

Tears started to well up in Olivia's eyes at the sight of her.

The moment Alex saw her standing there; Olivia couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.

"You're so beautiful," Olivia said wiping her face, trying not to mess up her make-up.

"I can honestly say the same for you." Alex said taking her in.

"You really do look incredible," Olivia said looking Alex up and down in her champagne colored lace dress that was above her knee, her blonde hair flowing past her shoulders.

Olivia wore a short winter white three quarter length sleeve dress that hugged her body. The dress was an amazing contrast against her skin, but so classically Olivia in fit. Her hair swept up loosely…

"Stunning," Alex whispered before kissing Olivia intently.

"Did you call Don, he will be there right?"

Olivia smiled.

"He'll be there."

"Ok."

Olivia could tell, Alex was checking off her list.

"You're nervous."

"I'm not, I'm just, I'm anxious." Alex said making a face.

"A shot of whiskey?" Olivia offered.

"It's 10:45 in the morning."

"We're getting married, I think it's ok."

"Ok then yes, a shot… just to calm my nerves."

"I thought you weren't nervous?"

"Really Liv? This is the rest of my life? These kind of conversations for the rest of my life?"

Olivia's eyes widened, trying to hold off her laughter.

"How long do you think it will take?" Olivia asked pouring their shots of whiskey.

"I guess depending on what the wait in line is…"

Olivia shook her head, handing Alex the shot glass.

Olivia held up her own shot glass.

"To us!" Olivia said grinning.

"Yes! To us!" Alex said her glass clinking against Olivia's.

Both took the shoot.

"Ok, are you ready?" Alex asked taking the glasses and sitting them on the counter.

"Yeah, I mean we have a few minutes before we have to leave."

"Oh ok."

Nervous.

"You're not going to throw up are you?" Olivia teased.

"No." Alex said adamantly.

"I mean really… did you see my shoes? They're amazing and I don't want you throwing up on these shoes."

"Yes those are amazing shoes, and I will do my best not to vomit on them!"

Olivia grinned at Alex.

"Oh your comedy routine is how you're distracting me?"

"It's working isn't it?"

Alex gave a half grin, "maybe."

Olivia took Alex's hands in front of her; she pulled Alex in to another soft kiss.

Alex's eyes were closed; she was holding Olivia's hands tightly in hers.

Alex opened her eyes slowly looking at the dark eyes before her.

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat. "The day I met you, the day I lost you, the day I told you I wanted you, when I said I love you, when I asked to marry me… Then it felt like enough for a lifetime," Alex squeezed Olivia's hands again. "Now the thought of what's to come, our life together, our babies, birthdays, and anniversaries… and today… Today, the biggest moment of my life, today marrying the love of my life…. Olivia, I know I'm rambling, but I just want you to know that I look forward to every day, every moment with you. Thank you for letting me in, thank you for letting me be the one that gets to love you. I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

Olivia pulled the back of Alex's hand to her lips, savoring her touch for a moment.

"I am not an easy one." Olivia said trying to keep her emotions in tact. "I've spent my life guarding myself, guarding my heart. The day I met you I was so enamored with your beauty, with how brilliant you are… and I felt so lucky that you became my best friend. When I realized that I loved you, that I was in love with you, I was scared. I wanted to guard myself like I had with everyone else. But you didn't let go, you didn't let me go. You fought for me, loved me like no one ever has. Alexandra Cabot, I… am the luckiest woman in the world."

Now Alex was trying to wipe away tears.

Alex let out a laugh, "we're a mess."

"We are." Olivia said agreeing, getting them both a tissue.

"We should go. Don't want to miss our own wedding."

"Yeah… you ready?"

"Yeah, lets do this."

They grabbed their coats and Alex took Olivia's hand.

"Marriage license! Oh my God we've lost it!" Alex said suddenly panicking.

"I stuck it on the fridge! I'll get it!" Olivia said as she ran to the kitchen grabbing it from under the Martha's Vineyard magnet. "I have it. See? It's all good… Let's go get married!"

Alex took a deep breath and Olivia's hand.

There was a hint of spring in the air; the sun was shining, giving warmth to a dissipating winter.

New signs of life.

Flowers were starting to bloom; children were trying desperately to pretend it was warm enough to play in the park.

A cab ride with windows to a city that had no idea that two people would not begin a life today, but continue a life. They would say, "I do" and promise to love, and to cherish and give hope to the possibilities of their life together.

Standing outside of the clerk of courts office Alex Cabot and Olivia Benson were to be married the way they wished to be married.

"You're nervous." Olivia said looking over at Don and then to Alex, grinning.

Alex only shook her head, rolling her eyes to Olivia.

"Yes I'm nervous, you're getting married. I'm nervous."

Olivia laughed.

"Don't mind her," Alex said to Don. "She's been feisty like this all morning."

"I have not!" Olivia protested.

Alex leaned in to Don. "She's nervous."

Don laughed.

"Alexandra Cabot, Olivia Benson?"

Both women too a quick glance at each other and walked forward.

"Do you have a witness?"

"Yes he's right here, Donald Cragen."

No sparking lights, no guest lists, no expensive cake, maybe expensive shoes, but just a piece of paper, their signatures and an "I do".

Today… Alexandra Cabot married Olivia Benson.

The end.


End file.
